Is this a case of ‘off rolling?’

[Tiredsenparent]

DD6 is in mainstream primary. She has an Ehcp and her primary needs are social and emotional. No cognitive dysfunction. The main reason she sometimes* *struggles to access work is emotional overwhelm. She can become very upset. I believe school are ignoring her triggers/allowing her to spiral at school to prove a point. I think she should be able stay where she is in mainstream school with her friends and sibling. She loves school and has made progress academically.

When she gets overwhelmed and upset staff fan around her with no real strategies to calm her so they call me. I’m called minimum of 3 times a week into school, they ultimately leave it up to me, something along the lines of ‘totally up to you mum but she was really distressed’ and I don’t doubt it but every time I arrive she is calm and she’s usually got her bag and coat on ready to go.

She feels punished when I’ve collected her and tells me that the teachers think she’s naughty. I’ve expressed my concerns and asked for a meeting, still awaiting one.

yesterday the same thing happens yet when I arrive headteacher asks me sheepishly if I think this is the right school for my daughter and if I’d considered moving her to a smaller school? I regrettably said I had been looking around at others and her eyes lit up. She seemed relieved at the thought I might move her. I’ve since sought advice from a Sen caseworker who said she didn’t like the sound of how it’s being dealt with and moving DD should be a last resort.

i feel as though the multiple phone calls to collect and the suggestion about moving schools is us being backed into a corner/forced out? Is this a case of attempting to off roll her?

It’s so upsetting

she deserves so much better than this

she is so lovely, thoughtful, creative and full of joy

it hurts my heart that they seem to be squashing her confidence

Bullshit, they just don't want to pay out for one. My dc sounds very like your daughter, they become very overwhelmed by things which cause huge reactions. They have a 2-1. They are matched with a child that also has similar needs/interests and share a TA. They have had a 2-1 since reception, before the ehcp approval. Sort your ehcp review, if no change happens take it further. Its not acceptable that your child is missing her eduction where support can be put in place to secure her needs.

In the mean time would they do a trust bus with her? The idea is to fill her bus with trusted friends, adults and carers she feels able to go to/ask for help. It's a good visual for children when overwhelmed, they can find the person they need. My dcs TA comes before me 😅, the next is a eyfs teacher who they are escorted to see when needed.

Make sure the wording in the revised EHCP is really tight. No 'could' or 'should'. Change it for 'must' and 'will'. Your local SENDIASS may be able to advise with this. Or the IPSEA website has guidance, I think.

Refuse to take her home unless there is paperwork to show that she has been formally excluded. Otherwise it's an illegal exclusion.

A part time timetable can only be put in place if you agree to it.

Good luck. The school sounds like it has given up and now needs to be held to account.

This isn’t the first case of a Sen child at our school being ‘pushed out’

ive been in talks with parents of Sen who have felt the same way

is there someone I should report this to?

I like the sound of the trust bus and will mention it to the senco, who by the way I think is doing a fantastic job despite a crap headteacher

I think he is fighting a losing battle though as it’s obvious the head and Senco aren’t on the same page

A friend (teacher) has suggested mentioning to ofsted as they are due? Would this help or hinder our case

Currently lying in the dark with a massive headache with wide awake DD who almost burst into tears when I told her she is brilliant and everyone is proud of her. She is so deflated.

I am a 1:1. There are 20 of us in my school. Your school is not being frank with you.

Is the school an academy or a local authority school? If it’s the latter then it might be worth contacting the local authority- ofsted monitors them on their SEN processes.

Is she autistic?

I have an older child waiting for assessment.

Tricky for the school though if shes running out of class.

However i would have thought there would be a build up so a class ta would be able to chat to her.

We was told that if we refused to pick up dd when they called us to collect her they would call social services.

I would write to them and say:

i have noticed I am getting frequent calls to collect my daughter and when I arrive she is always calm and ready to go. This shows she can calm down and leads me to question if staff have used the techniques discussed to attempt to calm her at the time. These are the techniques discussed and agreed:
dot points of all the techniques

can I please get confirmation that all relevant staff are aware of this and that every time I have been called these teachers/staff have already attempted all of these? In the future I will ask which staff did each of these before collecting her, and if she is calm I will not collect her but return her to her classroom. If you feel she needs extra support than she has then as I have mentioned to <heads name> I am very happy to work with you on any necessary observations and paperwork to apply for more support in your school.

kind regards,

Asking you to collect her , especially when the TA not there, but at the times as well, are illegal exclusions. I think you need to say that to them and ask for a review of her EHCP.

They need to have the appropriate paperwork to say they are suspending your child, otherwise it's an illegal exclusion.

Is this on different occasions to when they call and tell you she's upset and give you the option of collecting?

My daughter had similar at school (autistic/no EHCP), she needs calm adults and nice children and then she's ok. The other children in her class were pretty horrible and school were not the best. In the end we moved her and she's SO much happier and they are struggling to know what to put in her plan.

As much as I shouldn't have had to move her, and she shouldn't have been pushed out - I'm so glad we did make that decision. Her peers at her new school are worlds apart and the school are proactive nipping anything in the bud.

I left her sibling at their old school as she is happy (and doesn't have a disability so is 'easier'). You shouldn't have to move her though!)

Did you move to another mainstream setting?

thanks for your message

@Tiredsenparent we did move her to another mainstream, but spoke to lots of parents at three other local schools with space, and chatted to head and sencos to see what impression we got. The one we moved her to has smaller classes but multiple per year and they are informally streamed in some subjects, the classrooms are much bigger and lighter, and the children are kinder (in general).

Bullying and unkindness was rife at her old school and there never seemed to be any consequences so she was always on edge in that environment, even if it was not directed towards her.

It was a really tough decision moving her for the end of primary school but wish I'd just done it years ago. I used to be constantly in her old school, spent so many hours there with a hysterical child. I haven't been called once since she started this one at Easter and she comes home happy and regulated.

School def sounds like they’re not interested in helping her sadly, totally wrong!

it will depend on the authority I guess but 1-1s are most definitely a thing in our area

In the meantime if she is calm when you pick her up, quick chat and send her back in surely?

I agree that this sounds like it should be completely manageable for the school – but they don't want to. My concern would be that even if you and the Senco manage to get them doing enough to help her, it will be done grudgingly and DD will still be made to feel that she's a problem, a nuisance, shouldn't need these things, etc.

You absolutely shouldn't have to, but if you can find a school with a better attitude towards SEN and space for both children, I'd strongly consider moving both your DDs. I know it's a potentially unnecessary move for your older daughter, but as long as the new school would suit her too, she's got quite a lot of primary left, so the move would probably be worth it for the benefits of being in the same school as her sister for those years, sharing school events, etc. (and the lower stress levels of a family not doing multiple drop-offs etc. every day).

I have 2 thoughts.

Firstly when they call you go in, but don't feel the need to take her home. You can go in and chat to dd, and then leave if she is OK with this. I'd try something like...

Hello. Let's take that coat off we don't need that on in here do we?
Now what happened to get you here? Let her tell you in front of the staff.
So everything is OK now... shall we get you back into class with your friends... (watch them squirm!)
They'll need ti call the teacher ir TA to come and collect her from reception... they will likely say "I thought you were going home?" Confirming to you that the decision had been made. To which you respond "there is no reason to is there? Dd is fine. She just wants to be with her friends / do her maths (or whatever it is) not feel like she's being sent home for being naughty"
That let's them know you are on to them and won't put up with nonsense.

I'd also then as for a school/home report sheet for her - so the teacher records each day what's happening. So she enjoyed english but flew out in maths. Wasn't comfortable getting changed for PE but loved playing rounders... that will give you plenty of info for the ehcp.

My second thought, sadly, is if they really don't want here there - as annoying as that is - is it fair to your dd to keep her there? What is she gaining? Definitely a difficult one to weigh up... but I'd look at a move as part of the ehcp review if necessary so that they move her and put in all the support for her to succeed- including afterschool or transport as you have a 7yr old too!

Thanks everyone some definite food for thought. Of course my daughter’s mental health is the most important thing to me. If she isn’t made to feel valuable at the school then she definitely needs to move. I don’t think it’s going to be an overnight fix though. So do need them to find a way to include her in the meantime so she doesn’t need to miss too much.

I’m pretty angry though and I don’t want the head to continue to do this to others, she really needs to be held to account. It’s obvious she discriminates against Sen kids and pushes them out. How can I go about formally complaint about this? Is ofsted an option? This whole process has ground me down emotionally. I don’t want her to be able to do this to anyone else.

You can complain to the governors about them calling you to collect your dd. However it seems pretty pointless. They will likely say that the head was trying to help your dd. What will happen is that they will stop calling or unofficially excluding her.

I can't see how or what else you can complain about. Your views about the head's attitude is just that a view. It is subjective. You may be right but it doesn't sound like there is anything that will interest ofsted. Many parents complain to ofsted. Nothing really happens.