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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that.....

69 replies

BuckaDuck · 02/10/2024 17:20

As an adult you shouldn't need your mum to complain for you?

Basically at work I told a none disabled adult to move their car from the disabled bay as a disabled staff member needed it. I wasn't shouting or even raising my voice but I was firm in my instruction & said that the disabled person had made a complaint to me.

They did move their car but not before telling me that they were not happy with how I spoke to them & that they were unwell today & there was no other parking (this was untrue there was many spaces in the over flow).

Several hours later her mum called my manager and made a complaint that I had upset her adult daughter.

AIBU to think my organisation should not accept the mums complaint but ask the staff member to complain herself?

OP posts:
toadinthebucket · 02/10/2024 20:14

Marmite27 · 02/10/2024 17:47

Why, what do you think I’ve got wrong? It clearly states a none (sic) disabled customer was parked in a disabled bay, and I asked them to move so a disabled staff member could use the space. Non-disabled customer stated that they used it because they were feeling unwell.

The PP I said was having trouble comprehending said they hoped the employee had a badge as they’d be fined for parking in a disabled spot.

At this point the disabled employee wasn’t in the spot so there would be no fine. In this case the inference is the disabled staff member does have a badge or you wouldn’t bother asking!

Show quote history

OP didn't say it was a customer. At the end she said it was a staff member. You corrected the other poster and were wrong.

Botanybaby · 08/10/2024 06:50

Maybe mums complained because the way you spoke to their ill child has caused significant mental distress and they have returned home in a state . Maybe they are neuro diverse and you don't know that and your tone and way you spoke to them has triggered a melt down maybe they have significant mental health problems and you belittling and speaking to them in the way you did has had a significant impact

Of course mum has a right to complain if your manners have caused someone distress and they are not feeling able to raise the concern themselves

You sound a bit of a bully

However nonone should be in a disabled bay without a blue badge

Houseofpainjumparound · 08/10/2024 06:57

Mum complaining for their child who is attending work experience... maybe.... a young adult (16/17) in their first work placement... maybe..... an adult who is driving themselves.. no... if I was unsure what to say maybe ask my mum to draft an email with me, but I send it... but not complain for me

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 08/10/2024 07:07

Botanybaby · 08/10/2024 06:50

Maybe mums complained because the way you spoke to their ill child has caused significant mental distress and they have returned home in a state . Maybe they are neuro diverse and you don't know that and your tone and way you spoke to them has triggered a melt down maybe they have significant mental health problems and you belittling and speaking to them in the way you did has had a significant impact

Of course mum has a right to complain if your manners have caused someone distress and they are not feeling able to raise the concern themselves

You sound a bit of a bully

However nonone should be in a disabled bay without a blue badge

Hahaha . I bet the ill "child" probably had a headache or hangover. No adults mum should be calling the adults boss to complain. They should be instead equipping them with the skills to raise issues themselves.

Bully my arse. I am actually shocked you think this is ok

LostTheMarble · 08/10/2024 07:07

Botanybaby · 08/10/2024 06:50

Maybe mums complained because the way you spoke to their ill child has caused significant mental distress and they have returned home in a state . Maybe they are neuro diverse and you don't know that and your tone and way you spoke to them has triggered a melt down maybe they have significant mental health problems and you belittling and speaking to them in the way you did has had a significant impact

Of course mum has a right to complain if your manners have caused someone distress and they are not feeling able to raise the concern themselves

You sound a bit of a bully

However nonone should be in a disabled bay without a blue badge

That sounds like a huge stretch l! And as a parent of ND children, I’d comfort them if they were upset but I’d not be bloody impressed if they parked in a BB space just because they feel a bit ill. It’s not ‘bullying’ to say so, the fact the woman parked there to start with says a lot more about her character than the OPs.

That isn’t to say she wanted her mum to phone though. I once had a moan about my workplace being too warm and really needed a fan or air con as I was starting to feel ill after each shift. My boyfriend at the time messaged my boss to complain - I was absolutely mortified!! I read him the riot act, said it wasn’t his place to bring it up.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 08/10/2024 07:14

You sound a bit of a bully

Does she? She might be, but there's not really anything to suggest it.

Emmz1510 · 08/10/2024 07:14

Yanbu, and the employee should not have needed their mother to stand up for them.
However when I was reading your post the phrase ‘not all disabilities are visible’ came to mind. The person might have an undiagnosed condition. Anyway, that’s not relevant, if they don’t have a blue badge they shouldn’t be there and I doubt the complaint will have any legs.

Candystore22 · 08/10/2024 07:17

The fine for parking in a disabled spot without a blue badge is £100 I believe.
ignore the silly mum-child situation. They’re both delusional.
if your employer backs up the delusional mum just point out that parking in a disabled spot is against the law and she could have been reported and fined (and honestly then your employer is twice as delusional)

Northernladdette · 08/10/2024 07:21

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 08/10/2024 07:07

Hahaha . I bet the ill "child" probably had a headache or hangover. No adults mum should be calling the adults boss to complain. They should be instead equipping them with the skills to raise issues themselves.

Bully my arse. I am actually shocked you think this is ok

Show quote history

This 💯

Skate76 · 08/10/2024 07:22

Mortifying for her 🤦 I work in HR and have had parents try contacting me before but I refuse to speak with them, even to confirm if their child works there. They're adults, I wouldn't accept the complaint.

Justsayit123 · 08/10/2024 07:33

That none disabled employee is a complete twat and one example of how the country is so fucked up.

jigglywigglyhungryhippo · 08/10/2024 07:44

Botanybaby · 08/10/2024 06:50

Maybe mums complained because the way you spoke to their ill child has caused significant mental distress and they have returned home in a state . Maybe they are neuro diverse and you don't know that and your tone and way you spoke to them has triggered a melt down maybe they have significant mental health problems and you belittling and speaking to them in the way you did has had a significant impact

Of course mum has a right to complain if your manners have caused someone distress and they are not feeling able to raise the concern themselves

You sound a bit of a bully

However nonone should be in a disabled bay without a blue badge

Give over.

Stop using ND and mental health to excuse bad behaviour all the time.

Fruhstuck · 08/10/2024 07:44

Botanybaby · 08/10/2024 06:50

Maybe mums complained because the way you spoke to their ill child has caused significant mental distress and they have returned home in a state . Maybe they are neuro diverse and you don't know that and your tone and way you spoke to them has triggered a melt down maybe they have significant mental health problems and you belittling and speaking to them in the way you did has had a significant impact

Of course mum has a right to complain if your manners have caused someone distress and they are not feeling able to raise the concern themselves

You sound a bit of a bully

However nonone should be in a disabled bay without a blue badge

Diddums.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 08/10/2024 07:48

How embarrassing. Firstly that she was caught using the disabled bay and then her mum calling. Even worse she probably feels justified in that complaint!

If my dd (who is ND) came home and told me what happened, I’d have had a go at her for what she did, not complain to her employer. What is wrong with people.

PedantScorner · 08/10/2024 07:49

Yabu for saying 'none disabled' and lack of apostrophes. I'm mentioning as it makes the OP harder to understand.

Yanbu for asking an able person to move their car from a parking bay reserved for disabled drivers.

1989whome · 08/10/2024 07:52

And you sound like a bit of a wet wipe 😂 you can not park in disabled bays with out a blue badge. If you choose to do so, youre a selfish creature aren't you. expect to be asked to move for people who do have blue badges. Op did nothing wrong, the cry baby who ran to there mammy is clearly in the wrong here. this world is just insane! You can't ask someone to move there car, which is illegally parked!! Incase someone gets upset? I think I just gave up on the world!

Education1870 · 08/10/2024 07:53

Candystore22 · 08/10/2024 07:17

The fine for parking in a disabled spot without a blue badge is £100 I believe.
ignore the silly mum-child situation. They’re both delusional.
if your employer backs up the delusional mum just point out that parking in a disabled spot is against the law and she could have been reported and fined (and honestly then your employer is twice as delusional)

Should the employer back the parent, then I would support the disabled staff member to make a formal complaint against the non-disabled adult and employer. As an individual with invisible disabilities (I hold a blue badge). I have found asking would you like the disability to go with the blue badge, is met with horror. I would be delighted to give my blue badge back if my body decided not to attack itself anymore and I no longer required the blue badge.

Funnily enough my partner has just telephoned to say I have left my blue badge in his car and I need to stop at his work to collect it. Had I arrived at my destination today without my blue badge. I would have just had to park in a non-blue badge space, my own fault. I would not be demanding that I still be able to use a blue badge space, that is entitlement.

FrauleinGreen · 08/10/2024 07:59

Ludicrous having a parent ring your work, although I would love to ring my daughters work, where she works for weeks with no day off, 12 hour days too.

however I won’t, because she is an adult, although she does have a legitimate grievance against them.

I once had an adult employees mum phone me up to say how sick her son was, I wasnt pleased.to be honest

I was particularly displeased when another branch rang me to say that he was there, chatting to them all, instead of being at work, or home sick.

Education1870 · 08/10/2024 08:02

jigglywigglyhungryhippo · 08/10/2024 07:44

Give over.

Stop using ND and mental health to excuse bad behaviour all the time.

Show quote history

Thank you, as an Autistic women in her 40’s it really annoys me that ND is used as an excuse for bad behaviour. I am not perfect, can be stubborn and guilty of being unreasonable at times (I am
human). However, I do not have the right to be rude or entitled due to my Autism or any other disabilities. There are times when I am in the wrong that have nothing to do with my Autism and I need to apologise. As a SEND professional it frustrates me that at time parents push excuses for behaviours and expect certain privileges due to ND or Disability. It then has a negative backlash, creating labels and stereotypes. I have strong beliefs in equality and equity of opportunity, you cannot guarantee an outcome or never experience challenges just because you are ND or Disabled.

Toooldtopretend · 08/10/2024 08:04

My mum offered to call my boss when I was ill in my early twenties, absolutely no way, I’d have been mortified.

You do wonder what goes through people’s minds, especially when they were in the wrong for parking in the disabled space.

I really don’t think you should give this any of your worry time OP, I would hope that your boss would just laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. And the employee should realise that they can’t expect to be taken seriously there ever again!

orangegato · 08/10/2024 08:16

Where does the mum draw the line? Still wiping her daughter’s arse in 5/10/20 years?

I’d have had to choke back laughter. All the ND comments are completely irrelevant, if she did have a meltdown as a result of being rightly told to fuck off out of a disabled bay that is a problem with her REACTION not a problem with the employer.

Paganpentacle · 08/10/2024 10:28

Botanybaby · 08/10/2024 06:50

Maybe mums complained because the way you spoke to their ill child has caused significant mental distress and they have returned home in a state . Maybe they are neuro diverse and you don't know that and your tone and way you spoke to them has triggered a melt down maybe they have significant mental health problems and you belittling and speaking to them in the way you did has had a significant impact

Of course mum has a right to complain if your manners have caused someone distress and they are not feeling able to raise the concern themselves

You sound a bit of a bully

However nonone should be in a disabled bay without a blue badge

She sounds like someone rightfully asking someone to move out of a restricted space which she was not entitled to use. You know… not being disabled and that.
I despair at the level of entitlement and the attempts at justification and what-ifs ..
Pathetic.

StMarieforme · 08/10/2024 10:51

ViaRia01 · 02/10/2024 17:44

Generally, an adult shouldn’t need their mother to speak for them or raise complaints on their behalf. That’s true.

OP, in your job are you privy to the personal information of the ‘non-disabled person’ and certain that they do not have a genuine need for parental support in these circumstances? I understand they shouldn’t have parked there without a blue badge but that doesn’t mean that they are fully independent and able to handle this sort of confrontation.

Another relevant point, I think, is does your role give you the authority to resolve parking disputes on behalf of the disabled employee? Perhaps it does, but that doesn’t really come across as the case in your OP. Did they need you to speak on their behalf? Or did you take this upon yourself? I do think this will determine whether or not your manager will/ should back you up.

The space needs a blue badge. The person who took the space didn't have one. As an employee the OP was fully entitled to point this out to allow the person who dies have one to utilise the space.

Thelnebriati · 08/10/2024 11:08

If I were your manager in this situation, the only thing I would say is ''next time don't say 'the disabled person has made a complaint', as that passes the buck to them and increases the risk of further conflict.''
They shouldn't park in a blue badge space without a blue badge. Thats the rule to enforce.

Skate76 · 08/10/2024 15:41

FrauleinGreen · 08/10/2024 07:59

Ludicrous having a parent ring your work, although I would love to ring my daughters work, where she works for weeks with no day off, 12 hour days too.

however I won’t, because she is an adult, although she does have a legitimate grievance against them.

I once had an adult employees mum phone me up to say how sick her son was, I wasnt pleased.to be honest

I was particularly displeased when another branch rang me to say that he was there, chatting to them all, instead of being at work, or home sick.

Edited

Don't complain to your DDs workplace, just inform the HSE they're breaching the working time directive and they'll take it from there 👍 there are stiff fines for breaches. You don't even need to give your daughter's name, just let them know the shift patterns they're making people do. She should have 1 day off a week or 2 days in 2 weeks, she shouldn't work over 48 hours a week (averaged over 17 weeks) unless she's signed the option out then it's 60 hours and she should have at least 11 hours between shifts, amoung other rules.