Feeling down after baby's 10 month review with the Health Visitor

[user242526]

Hi,

My baby had her 10 month review with her Health Visitor yesterday and I feel a bit down.

Accordingly to the Health Visitor she's a bit behind - she said she's not too concerned as baby could pick up and be where she needs to be. She said she's going to get back in touch in around twelve months and see where to go from there.

She gave me a questionnaire to fill out that asks about different skills.

The ones she doesn't yet do are:

Clapping
Waving
Pointing to an object she wants
Following simple instructions such as 'give'
She says 'gee' and 'boo' but doesn't say mammammama or dadadada.

She does sit unaided, crawl, pick objects up, pass them from hand to hand etc.

Should I be worried? What else can I do to help her?

I just feel down and I feel like the above is probably quite a lot of things to be behind with :/

Have you noticed anything yourself that gives you concern? If not, please don't worry, every child is different.

Sounds similar to my DD at that age - except my HV wasn’t at all concerned and said that it was normal given the range of the questionnaire. She was particularly slow to stand/walk.

We had the 2 year review recently and I remember the feeling of relief that she hit every check this time. She is tracking ahead of her age now.

Please don’t worry, your baby sounds absolutely fine. Ds could crawl up the stairs at 9 months, but dd could only just about bum shuffle at 11 months, definitely couldn’t crawl. You absolutely wouldn’t know there was ever any difference between them now. They all develop at their own pace.

Brilliant advice.
Please try to stop worrying OP and enjoy your baby

Honestly please please don't worry 10months is still so young. And so much can change in a day let alone another two months.

If you want a flip side, one of my children had zero concerns at their one year check and ‘passed’ the two year check as well. He’s since been diagnosed autistic with global delays/possible learning difficulties whilst kids he was at nursery with who were not ‘quite there’ or skipped milestones are all now (to my knowledge) typical children. Very likely your child is just not following the ‘normal’ pattern, it really doesn’t mean much at 10 months unless there are other known factors such as illness or prematurity. Honestly, having such checks before 1 unless for a good reason is just an unnecessary worry, so much can change between 10-12 months!

Just to clarify because a lot of people seems confused, yes it’s 9-12 months but they don’t use the same questionnaire for a 9 month old as they do for a 12 month old.

The skills that she has not yet achieved are social skills and important for speech and language development. Babies usually are clapping and waving bye bye round about 9 months but, like anything, it depends on how much encouragement they have had.

Also, if your baby has been putting her efforts into her motor skills (and she has if she's crawling already!) it is common for other skills to lag a bit.

Nothing to worry about at all just now and you can help her along by lots of action songs and nursery rhymes. Pat a cake bakers man. Any clapping songs and rhymes.

Waving - again this is a language skill. The more playing and singing you do with her - that is the best way to bring these skills on.

You will be amazed just how fast she comes on if you do a bit of play on these skills each day.

If she has any pop up type toy or posting toy - wave the items bye bye as they disapear from view.

Thank you everyone. Some reassuring advice.

I'm not against Health Visitors, there were pockets of advice she offered that I did benefit from HOWEVER I feel as though the whole review is a bit counterproductive at this stage.

My baby's teething currently, when we entered the room the HV had a setup on the floor with toys and mats and said she wanted to see how my DD was. My DD was teething (as do many children at this stage) so she hardly displayed any of her skills. If you looked at her during that conversation you'd think she can't crawl as she wasn't crawling - more so just unsettled.

Due to her being unsettled and me needing to take in what the HV was saying (she was saying I should register DD at a dentist and that she should be having her teeth brushed at this age) I put her dummy in her mouth (as she was unsettled) and this happened on a few occasions. She then proceeded to tell me that she 'isn't the dummy police' but that dummy should only be used for naps or when h baby is upset... I get that as dummy has a lot of cons as well as pros however I felt a bit judged.
I was giving DD the dummy because I needed to settle her quickly so I could revert back to the conversation with the HV. After I got home I checked my email to realise that she sent me guidance about dummy's 🙈 I felt awful for the rest of the evening about my choice to offer a dummy in the first place but I think what people don't realise is that appointment is a snippet (that isn't even realistic) into our lives and it's not necessary that I give DD a dummy every five mins at home. My DD's not only teething but she's been poorly recently with Bronchiolitis and she's just been unsettled so yes I kept reaching for the dummy to settle her - is that so bad?

You would probably have found your baby would have been better in her own environment @user242526 . It’s no wonder she was unsettled and didn’t want to participate if she wasn’t feeling well. Pay no attention to what the HV has said. 3 months, when they’re that little is such a long time. Just because she couldn’t do something today, doesn’t mean so won’t be doing it tomorrow or next week.

DGS is 9mths old, he’s been in hospital with bronchiolitis in the past couple of weeks (his daddy had was too, when he was a baby) and he’s been very unsettled too. What with teething as well. He doesn’t have a dummy, but I don’t think it’s particularly bad to give her a dummy at this stage if it helps. It’s not like she’s 3 or 4, is it?

My baby is 10m old. Luckily, I live in a country where health visitors aren't a thing. My baby does none of that- if that reassures you?

Actually, he learnt to 'wave' 2 days ago, but it is more of an up down motion (as if splashing in a pool) - not particularly recognisable unless I'm there saying 'wave, wave WAVE'.

REALLY, just take it with a pinch of salt.

My first one could barely say any words by 2 (we were getting concerned), began around 2.5 and now at 3.5, we can't get a word in edgeways! If there is an issue with delay or any particular need, that will be flagged up in time. But not hitting the 9-12 m milestones yet is a ridiculous thing for the health visitor to make you feel stressed about.

Where a child fits developmental on the ASQ will change over time, so a 12 month old baby you'd expect to be doing most, not necessarily all of those things. Even if they weren't it might be a reason to check back at 3-4 months later, but it wouldn't be a big developmental concern. A 9-10 month old baby is very different to a 12 month old baby and a 14 month old toddler is very different to a 12 month old. Im surprised they're using the ASQ like that. Generally its used by specialists more diagnostically. I really wouldn't worry, where your baby is is perfectly normal for their age.

She sounds perfectly normal to me.

It sounds like she has seen a snapshot and given advice on what was seen in that short time. Try not to take it to heart. HVs will be looking for baby "milestones"

You can find these online. Babies do tend to achieve milestones around about the same age during the first year - but not exactly at the same age.

I think with the dummy - of course what you did is what any Mum would do to settle a baby in this situation so i doubt the HV was judging you - but she might have made an observation about how your baby took the dummy and assumed (maybe wrongly) that the dummy is used a lot - whereas a 10 month old really needs to be doing all the things i suggested above and many (not all) 10 month olds with be really engaging in early play - pointing, passing toys to Mum, vocalising (which can be excited shrieks and strings of babble)

So - these checks are just that - just to see milestones are on target. Honestly, 2 weeks on singing, clapping, posting toys, pop up toys and your little one will likely have caught up on these skills. Having the dummy in whilst playing won't really hold these skills back but it can delay speech dev if in all the time. And some babies do just become more passive with a dummy in - a 10 month old needs to be actively engaging with toys and songs/rhymes, pushing buttons, posting things, exploring objects using hands more now than mouth (though of course there still will be a lot of mouthing of toys and that is totally normal at 10 months.

@StellaOlivetti if you are still around… why do HVs use the 12 months ASQ instead of the nine or ten month ones, with the younger children?

The 12 month ASQ shouldn’t even be used with children who are younger than 11 months old but there are so many threads on here with (needlessly) distressed parents.

Was it policy that you could only use the 12 month one?

What age was your baby when she first started passing objects from one hand to the other?

Please try not to worry or be upset.

It sounds as if the HV doesn't have a lot of experience of babies. Her expectation that a baby would settle in immediately, crawl around and engage with unfamiliar toys, with a stranger present, in the new environment, was hugely misplaced.

The dummy bit was a box checking exercise. She is obliged to send the info and to give the verbal instruction. Ditto the bit about brushing teeth.i never once managed to brush a baby's teeth, and I had five of them. One used to bite the little toothbrush and refuse to let me have it. Just make sure the baby doesn't drink milk of any kind as she's falling asleep.