Feeling down after baby's 10 month review with the Health Visitor

[user242526]

Hi,

My baby had her 10 month review with her Health Visitor yesterday and I feel a bit down.

Accordingly to the Health Visitor she's a bit behind - she said she's not too concerned as baby could pick up and be where she needs to be. She said she's going to get back in touch in around twelve months and see where to go from there.

She gave me a questionnaire to fill out that asks about different skills.

The ones she doesn't yet do are:

Clapping
Waving
Pointing to an object she wants
Following simple instructions such as 'give'
She says 'gee' and 'boo' but doesn't say mammammama or dadadada.

She does sit unaided, crawl, pick objects up, pass them from hand to hand etc.

Should I be worried? What else can I do to help her?

I just feel down and I feel like the above is probably quite a lot of things to be behind with :/

At 10 months my DC couldnt crawl, sit up or wave, point etc. Didnt start walking until 16 months old.

DC is now 6, won the running race at school, plays so many sports outside of school & is 'above expected expectations' at reading.

They all get there in the end - please dont worry. Your DC will be fine and will get where they need to be in their own time.

In the vast, vast majority of cases babies will develop just fine at their own pace and there's nothing to worry about. There will be a tiny number who are a bit delayed and it's an early indication that something else is going on.

My now 10 year old was the same at 12 months - waving, pointing and clapping weren't in her repertoire and we worried. She's fine - bright and intelligent and we're dead proud of everything she is achieving. We decided in the end that she just didn't want to do that stuff rather than being unable to. She wouldn't toast with a glass either - still says it's weird and pointless unless we glare and mutter something about social niceties 😂

If it reassures you, my youngest was ‘slightly behind’ according to his 10m ASQ. I was particularly concerned as his older sister was v advanced according to her. Just had his 27 month and he’s average or ahead on all! For example DD was walking by 10m, DS wasn’t crawling yet… She was doing pretty much everything on there (except jumping with 2 feet of the ground, which she didn’t master until 2.5!) and he had only a handful that I could say yes/always to. His latest check he’s bang on or ahead, like I say.

I know it’s hard not to worry but they all develop at their own rates. Those questionnaires are there to pick up serious issues - slightly behind on anything is totally normal. You can decline HV involvement but in my experience (I know not true for everyone) I found it really reassuring that if there were an issue, it’d be picked up sooner and then hopefully have less of an impact on him long term.

I'd have been a wreck if my kids were in UK at this age and reviewed by a HV.
None of the three crawled, the first two never even rolled over, they were chunks. One just sat there, then got up and walked across the room, well ran really, it freaked me out. Second one figured out the bum shuffle, but didn't walk till nearly 15 months. Third one rolled about and pulled herself along on her belly, then got up and walked.
All chatterboxes but that was me.
They are all individuals and expecting them to adhere to her clock of development is wrong, it's all just guidelines.

Nope. My 15mo doesn't talk or wave, no one raised this at his check. They won't refer until he's 2 anyway.

Your baby isn’t behind! Aren’t those targets for 12 months anyway? And 2 months is a long time in baby years! I’m particularly sceptical about the mama and dada thing. Loads of babies make those sounds but don’t actually use them to refer appropriately to their mum and dad!

Don’t worry. Babies develop things at different rates and your DD is very young for what is a one year old test. She is doing lots of things and can make sounds even if not the expected ones.

I personally would opt out of these checks. My oldest 'failed' at 18 months because she could not point to her nose, of course she couldn't, who needs to do that? I told the health visitor she could point to her shoes and she grudgingly made a note of that but left me in no doubt I was a shit mother due to this.

Same child didn't talk fluently until 3 though she communicated with us fully. And she didn't sit till 9 months. But she commando crawled from five months.

She is exceptionally able and is now a doctor.

Look at the baby not the checklist.

Agree with whenemmafallsinlove. I opted out as it was soo depressing that DC was always failing. Did have a bit of speech therapy before school for a few months but other issues (aka his bloody mindedness) continued through to secondary school and I also felt like a shit mother. DC has just graduated from a good uni with a 2.1 and has started a masters.

What else can I do to help her?
I’m sure you’re doing these things already but songs with actions and lots and lots of modelling (ie you pointing and clapping).

Don’t waste your time worrying though. Your baby is who they are and I bet they’re wonderful!

My youngest heavily prioritised developing speech over gross motor skills and movement so she could argue with her sister more effectively - and she certainly wasn't going to waste valuable arguing time with boring stuff like walking, clapping, waving or pointing at things when she could say 'Lanna (or something similar to DD1's actual name), you smell' or sneak the opportunistic cat and dog some snacks from her lunch when she thought I wasn't looking.

The health visitor was also convinced that she was deaf. Well, not intrinsically, just intentionally where boring strangers flapping around pieces of card with pictures on, making faces and wittering on at her were concerned. And she wouldn't speak during the appointment at all, so as far as the HV was concerned, combined with my not keeping an exhaustive list of the number of words she could say, she was behind and needed testing and rechecking.

It became worth the effort to bother standing up when she was 11 months old and she walked approximately ten seconds later.

The reason I'm saying this is hopefully to show that children develop different skills at different ages but all within the range of normal, despite the expectation with some professionals that they are all the same. So try not to worry right now, everything could even up in the next couple of months and if it doesn't, it's already being monitored - which is a good thing.

Like @whenemmafallsinlove and @NeverDropYourMooncup 's experiences, the HV told me that DD1 had hearing issues. It was a complete load of twaddle. DD1 wasn't remotely interested in someone whispering in her ear as she was transfixed by someone else clicking bricks together in front of her. As soon as I said her name, she turned to me, but the stupid HV persisted with her nonsense. DD1 only crawled backwards at 9 months. She was quite articulate, but of course that wasn't on the HV's list.

I'm pleased to report that at 25 years old, she has no hearing issues - she's a bloody good musician. She has rowed at uni, won dancing trophies and apart from a lack of geographical knowledge, is highly intelligent - well she's coming to the end of a PhD at Cambridge. OP trust your instincts.

I remember this feeling. Despite being quite early on physical stuff like walking, the HV said my son was quite behind on a lot of other stuff (primarily verbal) at 18 months. I really fretted.

I think, with hindsight, the key is to note it and see how your child develops, rather than overly worry about it.

My son is now studying vet med and doesn’t shut up. In terms of knowing how to verbalise his wants, needs, complaints, joys, tell me about random topics I have no interest in, he most certainly does not struggle!

Don't worry at all, 2 months is a very long time for a baby and she's likely to pick everything up that she's not doing yet.

You can help her by doing singing and clapping type songs and keep talking to her a lot but I don't think you need to stress about it

OMG. That’s a harsh review. When I had mine, my daughter was 11 months and could only wave from the list that you’ve got of things she can’t do.
From what you’re describing, she’s doing just great.
Honestly, Health Visitors can be useless at best and too often harmful, with few exceptions 🙄
My DD is now 18 months and developing perfectly.
Don’t let this take away from enjoying your little one!

I used to be a health visitor. We tried to do the 9 to 12 month review as near to 12 months as possible, because if not, we always had to return at around a year and repeat it. So many developmentally normal children would score really low in one or more sections if we did it too early. So don’t worry!

Don't worry. Sounds like your DD is doing fine. Mine didn't know all things either and they called me back a few months later and age had learnt all missing ones.

Our baby had a check up booked at 10 months but we had to reschedule it for a month later because of illness (so she had it at 11 months). At 10 months she could do none of those things, at 11 months she could do them all, so a lot can change vey quickly. If you don't think there's anything wrong, I wouldn't worry for a while yet!

The questionnaires come in different age range, so you may have got a 9 month or 10 month questionnaire.

It also depends on whether your child was premature, as they should provide a questionnaire for the child's gestational age (eg, 10 months old but 4 weeks early, should have a 9 month questionnaire).

The answers give a score, which we have guidelines as to whether they are meeting the milestones, still learning or delayed. Usually you look at the whole picture, a 9 month old is rarely cruising or walking, so you ignore them being very delayed for that.

DD only did her first babbling around your baby's age. Her vocabulary is now significantly better than many of her peers and you can't stop her talking when she gets going.

Don't worry. Your baby sounds normal to me. I always obsessed over what they should or shouldn't be doing at certain stages, but I don't think it's very helpful really. Your baby might be able to do other things better than other babies, but if it's not on the list it won't be measured. X

Doesn’t sound like anything to worry about.

DS at 10 months wasn’t doing most of those.

@user242526

Dont give it another thought

between 9 & 12 months is a quarter of her life. Wild you expect a 9 year told to have the same skills as a 12 year old!

they can go from 'not waving' to waving at everyone in a DAY.

its a load of bollocks & most HV's are as much use as chocolate tea pots!!

What do you think about your baby OP? I declined these reviews for my girls. At that age they couldn't move, only sit, didn't roll. They couldn't do loads of the gross motor stuff.

They made lots of sounds tho, and I dunno I was just never at all worried about them. Figured they were working on language skills instead.

They are perfectly normal 8 and 10 year olds now.

My instincts always told me they were completely fine - what are yours telling you? 😊

Honestly please don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal for children to develop at different rates. Also there has to be an allowance for different personalities - some (most) children when they see waving and clapping will want to copy the motion. My first child was not like that - he would observe but not copy. Physically he could do it but he has always been an outlier in terms of preferring to do his own thing. He is still a perfectly normal 5 year old (just remains very free spirited).

Okay so what is the HV suggesting ? Oh nothing, there's a surprise.