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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know there unreasonable but £30 is insane!

285 replies

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:05

To spend on someone you don't really like. For Sectet Santa

I am very PT and have been asked to arrange this, with them saying 'we knew you wouldn't want to join in because you don't celebrate it' Confused I do actually celebrate it but I'll gladly let them think I don't now!

Anyway, the budget the person asking me to arrange it has set is £30. They want me to send out the email asking people to opt in, and mention it's a £30 budget.

AIBU to actually ask what madness has embedded within her to think this is a fair amount?

I said 'Is that not very high?' And she said 'Sent it out after Halloween! They'll have time to save, won't they?' And she seemed very smug to announce this obvious information

It's a school. Nobody is rich.

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 02/10/2024 12:51

roses2 · 02/10/2024 12:46

Are you not in a position to suggest an alternative eg £5 charity shop purchase?

Or send out an email with voting options. "Who wants to participate in a Secret Santa":

Option A - £30
Option B - £5 charity shop buy

I think this is a good solution. Miss smug pants might not agree though !!

crockofshite · 02/10/2024 12:51

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:44

I really should have clarified that 'Dawn' is the Office Manager/Accounts person

I am the Head's PA but have 'other duties needed within the office' because he also has an EA

So she is above me and can tell me not to say she said to put £30.

Then don't mention any amount in the message.

People will assume £5 or a 'naice' recycled gift.

One xmas our secret Santa was to give a used book from our own shelf, chosen out of Santa's sack at random by participants, and of course book swaps were allowed.

fashionqueen0123 · 02/10/2024 12:51

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:44

I really should have clarified that 'Dawn' is the Office Manager/Accounts person

I am the Head's PA but have 'other duties needed within the office' because he also has an EA

So she is above me and can tell me not to say she said to put £30.

But if she hasn’t told you not to,then she won’t mind when you pop that as part of the email!

£5 or £10 would be better!

snoopsy · 02/10/2024 12:52

Make it anything from a charity shop. then people can spend what they like. this person is ridiculous.

thebigL · 02/10/2024 12:53

That would be a big fat NO from me.

FeedingThem · 02/10/2024 12:53

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:44

I really should have clarified that 'Dawn' is the Office Manager/Accounts person

I am the Head's PA but have 'other duties needed within the office' because he also has an EA

So she is above me and can tell me not to say she said to put £30.

Is go to the head then and ask for their opinion on the budget

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 02/10/2024 12:54

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:05

To spend on someone you don't really like. For Sectet Santa

I am very PT and have been asked to arrange this, with them saying 'we knew you wouldn't want to join in because you don't celebrate it' Confused I do actually celebrate it but I'll gladly let them think I don't now!

Anyway, the budget the person asking me to arrange it has set is £30. They want me to send out the email asking people to opt in, and mention it's a £30 budget.

AIBU to actually ask what madness has embedded within her to think this is a fair amount?

I said 'Is that not very high?' And she said 'Sent it out after Halloween! They'll have time to save, won't they?' And she seemed very smug to announce this obvious information

It's a school. Nobody is rich.

I'd have to tell her to do it herself. £30 quid is cheeky as for a secret Santa gift .. it's supposed to be a laugh.

InSpainTheRain · 02/10/2024 12:54

Great idea for wording the email from @crockofshite £30 is ridiculous for a SS.

MrsSunshine2b · 02/10/2024 12:55

Best ever secret Santa I did was £2 limit. Everyone bought something small and random from a charity shop or cheap shop, there was no pressure to get something amazing, everyone was happy. £30 is ridiculous.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/10/2024 12:56

Agree with others that I wouldn’t put your name to this request, let them organise it. There are plenty of websites now where you pop your names in and get a randomly generated person so nobody who isn’t actively participating needs to be involved.

I’d also say re. budget that no one person should be deciding that, it should go to poll of anybody who wants to participate.

I can sort of see the logic in making the amount higher as it allows you to get a “proper” present rather than £5 of tat but actually in a workplace secret santa you probably don’t know the person all that well anyway and unless you happen to get one of your closest friends then you just end up buying/receiving £30 of tat!

SabreIsMyFave · 02/10/2024 12:56

That's ridiculous. A tenner is far more suitable. £30 FFS. I don't spend that much on friends and extended family! Like fuk would I be spending that on a work colleague that I probably don't even like!

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 02/10/2024 12:56

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:09

@Chowtime £30 is 50% of some people's food shop budget. A lot of people are really skint right now. I can afford it but don't want to spend £30! On a colleague

They already go for a meal with all school staff over 2 separate dates - You pick the one you can attend

Eugh, I could think of nothing worse than forced festivities. I never attend Christmas night outs or anything like that, they always feel like "team days" ...bowk!

AshMapleOak · 02/10/2024 12:56

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:44

I really should have clarified that 'Dawn' is the Office Manager/Accounts person

I am the Head's PA but have 'other duties needed within the office' because he also has an EA

So she is above me and can tell me not to say she said to put £30.

I don’t get it – has she specifically asked you not to say this?!

So weird…

BobbyBiscuits · 02/10/2024 12:56

@angeldelite well I wouldn't. To buy a gift for someone from work who isn't your friend? I'd spend what I could afford, which would be a tenner or less.

GivingitToGod · 02/10/2024 12:56

Kevinisnotacatname · 02/10/2024 12:09

£30 is crazy for secret Santa - especially in a school! £10 is more than adequate

Exactly!
OP, u need to be assertive and inform your manager that u r not happy to take this on. End of

angeldelite · 02/10/2024 12:56

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:44

I really should have clarified that 'Dawn' is the Office Manager/Accounts person

I am the Head's PA but have 'other duties needed within the office' because he also has an EA

So she is above me and can tell me not to say she said to put £30.

I would speak to the Head and the EA and say you think £30 is too much.

You have agency here.

rookiemere · 02/10/2024 12:58

I earn a reasonable amount. Zero chance I would be participating in a £30 work secret santa. I don't take part in them anyway as I have enough to do without buying presents for people I don't really know.

Secret santa if it must take place, should be a jokey thing with a £10 limit. Or suggest a children's toy donation for a charity instead.

HeliotropePJs · 02/10/2024 12:58

Considering that in every Secret Santa I've ever heard of, someone (or several someones) get random (useless to them) crap and someone 'forgets' to buy anything at all, the stakes are too high at that price. Making it clear that it's her idea is the only way, then sit back and watch the reactions...

Mill3nnial · 02/10/2024 13:01

£30 is too much! I used to love Secret Santa and enjoy giving gifts (and I am generous in so doing) but £30 on someone who is not a close friend or family member is too much.

£5 or £10 is more likely.

If I were you I'd suggest she lowers the budget and sends it herself

AllHisCaterpillarFriends · 02/10/2024 13:01

Miss a 0 off.

AmeliaEarache · 02/10/2024 13:02

Unless 'Dawn' has specifically banned you from mentioning her, go to it, OP - I doubt she's thought to do so.

"Dawn has asked me to tell everyone this year's Secret Santa list is now open. She suggests a budget of £30 and that you sign up to Elfster (link attached) by 31st of October, when you will emailed your recipient."

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 02/10/2024 13:03

You could just keep putting it off and just not send the email and force her to do it herself ... not very professional but meh fuck her and her smug attitude.

RobinEllacotStrike · 02/10/2024 13:03

change it to £5 and with a nod to the environment all gifts must be sourced 2nd hand/from charity shops.

She'll have "plenty of time" to find something.

Bringautumnnights · 02/10/2024 13:04

FranksBank · 02/10/2024 12:44

I really should have clarified that 'Dawn' is the Office Manager/Accounts person

I am the Head's PA but have 'other duties needed within the office' because he also has an EA

So she is above me and can tell me not to say she said to put £30.

I'm sorry but no - organising a secret santa is not apart of 'other duties needed within the office'.

If shes being an arse, raise it with the Head and point blank refuse.

HeliotropePJs · 02/10/2024 13:04

Yes, if she hasn't specifically said she doesn't want to be mentioned in the email, I'd probably still go that route, unless you're comfortable going over her head and approaching someone with better sense.