Lost all perspective - unrefridgerated sandwich

[DietCokeAddict19]

I'll start this off by saying that I have OCD, particularly around contamination/germs/vomiting, so I know my perspective on this is likely to be completely warped, hence asking on here.

Once day a week I pick my kids up from their dad's house and take them to school (we've been divorced 8 years). When I picked them up this morning DC2 was putting a tesco meal deal into his school bag - some sort of smoothie, crisps, and a sausage, bacon and egg sandwich. I asked him if he had anything to keep it cool with, as it was going into his bag at 8am and wouldn't be eaten until 12.30. He did have a look in the freezer, but no cool packs etc, so he put it into his bag as it was.

There was no time to sort out anything else - it's too far to drive back to mine for a cool pack and get to school on time, and no time to get any other food from somewhere else.

I'm (probably irrationally) upset about it. I can't control what ExH does, and yet if DC2 is ill, it will be me who has to look after him and take time off work to do it as he is now staying with me until the weekend. And also, if he does get food poisoning, it was so fucking avoidable. I can't see anything beyond what a twat ExH is for not doing enough to look after DC2's health, but again I know this is my own stuff getting triggered because DC2 almost died as a baby and I'm so anxious about him being unwell again.

Yes, I know my anxiety is out of control. I am in therapy, I was signed off work for 2 months earlier in the year because of my mental health. I'm trying really hard to get better, for both myself and the kids, but it's not really getting any better.

Am I overreacting to the sandwich thing? Part of me thinks if it was cheese then I wouldn't be so anxious, but warm sausage and egg does not seem a good combination to me.

I do this every day. Haven’t died yet.

You're overreacting. I wouldn't think twice about this or be looking for a cool bag or anything.

I hate cold sandwiches. Refrigerator packs weren't even a thing when I was growing up. Everyone will be fine.
May I suggest trying some exposure therapy for your OCD (i.e. have a bite of a warm sandwich that sat on your counter for 30 min, then 1h etc.)

I'd probably feel a bit like you but I grew up with a Mum who was anxious about lots of things and always put ice packs in our lunchboxes, even for really innocuous things like cheese sandwiches, so I reckon my perspective is skewed too.

Honestly, absolutely nobody is putting cool packs in their kids' lunch boxes. Absolutely everybody is eating sandwiches that have been unrefrigerated all morning and it's fine. You sound like you're having a tough time. xx

Loads of people take a packed lunch every day. Most dont have cool packs. The sandwich is a normal combination that people eat every day

Kindly OP this is nothing to worry about - if kids take a packed lunch into school it’s a similar situation and most don’t have ice packs in.

I appreciate it’s harder for you because of your anxiety but please try not to project that onto your kids.

You are overthinking this - it’s a very very very low risk thing to do.

Absolutely fine for 4 hours. I might put a cool pack in in high summer.

@DietCokeAddict19

it'll be fine!

it's normal for people to pick up 'meal deals' and the like on the way to school/work and not to use freezer packs.

i might give it pause for thought on very hot days, but not at this time if the year.

it will be fine x

Its absolutely fine, people all over do this every day

Thank you for help with perspective on this (and being gentle with me!)

This wouldn't necessarily bother me, but we do put 3-4 of those plastic reusable ice cubes in our kids lunch boxes with sandwiches. Mostly because I don't care for warm sandwiches very much!

We also get Frubes (or equivalent) and stick them in the freezer which will go in the lunch box too - helps keep things cool and defrost by lunchtime

Just wanted to add that I love my Mum to pieces and I understand a lot about why she is so anxious but at the same time it was really hard growing up with her anxiety and I know some of it has rubbed off on me. I'm trying really hard not to pass it on to my kids. It is so difficult I know, but please do keep trying to tackle it.

It's always tricky with foods for schools as there's such variety now, where as years ago people had pretty basic sandwiches so there wasn't the same concerns.

For me I use the 2 hour rule. I am happy with my decision on this and it doesn't matter who says what to me.

As you have OCD it's really difficult for you to accept things done differently and you can only do your best. The only thing that would concern me is the egg. Tbh there's so much crap gone into ready made sandwiches they'd probably last a week outside a fridge.

I'm glad no one's been unkind. Your OP shows a lot of insight and balance sitting alongside your worries IYSWIM. It must be utterly exhausting and you're not just living with it, you're handling it. Huge respect to you, I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you. I do worry about the impact on them and feel hugely guilty about it. I just don't know what to do any more. I might go to the GP and ask about medication - the therapy/CBT/EMDR that I've tried hasn't made any difference to it but there must be something that could help.

I have OCD too (not so much this type of thing, this sandwich wouldn't bother me) but checking OCD. Sertraline has made a huge difference.

My dh is like you- ice pack for kids sandwiches etc but when we reminisce about school trips and days out when we were kids, we never had ice packs and didn't die and summers used to be 6 weeks of sun, we had a range of fillings from prawns to egg and those things used to sit in a hot car boot for hours. Makes you wonder how we weren't ill.

My kids have sandwiches sitting in their lunchbox all morning, as I did as a child, without a cool block. The last time I did was 2 years ago when there was that big heatwave. But a cooked meat or cheese/egg type sandwich sitting at 20 degrees, I’m completely relaxed

I have ocd myself with emphasis on germs, bacteria and emetophobia so I totally understand your point of view. I am vegetarian so at least I never have to worry about meat storage. I agree if this was a cheese sandwich I would think it was fine but I certainly wouldn’t feel safe with your child’s sandwich.
Appreciate many people would crack on and eat it but no harm in taking all precautions. Each to her own.

When I cook sausages for dinner, I leave them on the side over night covered when it not to warm properly hot and eat them for breakfast, never been ill and still alive 😳

Overreacting. I went through my school years eating a sandwich that was just in my normal bag. I never got ill from it.

I second the exposure therapy suggestion. I also used to have a phobia of food poisoning which really limited my life. Living with DH and seeing how he was fine eating all sorts of things I thought were guaranteed to make anyone ill, I started to take little 'risks', like cooking something a day past it's use by date if it smells fine. I'm now far more relaxed about food and I've learnt a lot of the fear came from my mum's anxiety around food when I was growing up.

I'm sorry, you're obviously trying really hard and it sucks that what you've tried so far hasn't been helpful. I found CBT really useful but I had it when I was younger (early 20s) so maybe the thought pathways were less well established at that point so easier to tackle. It didn't 'cure' me, I still go through periods of high anxiety, intrusive thoughts etc and have particularly struggled postpartum, but it gave me some tools to use.

One thing that definitely helps me is having a supportive partner and friends network. You mention your ex and I don't know if you have a current partner, but do you have other supportive people in your life that you could confide in at this time when you are struggling?