Lost all perspective - unrefridgerated sandwich

[DietCokeAddict19]

I'll start this off by saying that I have OCD, particularly around contamination/germs/vomiting, so I know my perspective on this is likely to be completely warped, hence asking on here.

Once day a week I pick my kids up from their dad's house and take them to school (we've been divorced 8 years). When I picked them up this morning DC2 was putting a tesco meal deal into his school bag - some sort of smoothie, crisps, and a sausage, bacon and egg sandwich. I asked him if he had anything to keep it cool with, as it was going into his bag at 8am and wouldn't be eaten until 12.30. He did have a look in the freezer, but no cool packs etc, so he put it into his bag as it was.

There was no time to sort out anything else - it's too far to drive back to mine for a cool pack and get to school on time, and no time to get any other food from somewhere else.

I'm (probably irrationally) upset about it. I can't control what ExH does, and yet if DC2 is ill, it will be me who has to look after him and take time off work to do it as he is now staying with me until the weekend. And also, if he does get food poisoning, it was so fucking avoidable. I can't see anything beyond what a twat ExH is for not doing enough to look after DC2's health, but again I know this is my own stuff getting triggered because DC2 almost died as a baby and I'm so anxious about him being unwell again.

Yes, I know my anxiety is out of control. I am in therapy, I was signed off work for 2 months earlier in the year because of my mental health. I'm trying really hard to get better, for both myself and the kids, but it's not really getting any better.

Am I overreacting to the sandwich thing? Part of me thinks if it was cheese then I wouldn't be so anxious, but warm sausage and egg does not seem a good combination to me.

This is too far the other way, put them in the fridge!

It’s October, it’ll be fine. X

If it was a very hot day I’d be concerned it would be warm, sweaty and unpalatable but it’s been quite cool lately. Yesterday I had a ham sandwich on the train home (about 6pm) that I’d made around 6am. I was fine.

The majority of the population has taken unchilled ham sandwiches, yogurts, cheese etc to school/work with them for decades.
This is not what causes illness in our population.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 sorry that cracked me up! I do sometimes and certainly when it's warm, guess it's a pretty cold kitchen tbh. I will stop my despicable ways with immediate effect!

It's also fine to let them finish their packed lunch at 3.30 if they're complaining about being hungry yet mysteriously didn't eat their actual lunch. Even / especially if it's a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel.

Not a health concern at all BUT I don't think I would be sending a child to school with warm egg sandwiches. They won't do any harm, but they often smell when you open them especially within an enclosed school cafeteria etc. It's the sort of thing that other kids will pick up on.
So no to egg sandwiches, but not for health and safety reasons.

I don't have OCD or anything but I always have put a freezer block in a cool bag for kids lunches/picnics etc. They've not complained and I know some of their friends do too. If I forgot or didn't have one (because they hadn't emptied from their lunch bag the previous day), I would be less worried at this time of year but would try to avoid meat and yogurts. School buildings can be pretty warm.

Are you just looking for something to be upset at Ex DP for?

This time of year, i make my lunch at 7am, shove it in my bag, and eat it at lunch time.
Over the summer, I put it in a lunch bag, sometimes with a cool pack. The kids just take the sandwich all year round.
Not aware this system has given anyone a funny tummy yet.

No, I don't think so. I haven't said anything to him about it.

Unrefrigerated sandwiches can cause food poisoning - I ended up in hospital after a ham sandwich. BUT a public health team investigation found it had been left at VERY high temps for a long time.

I use chiller packs for sandwiches but even I am not worried at this time of year. My limit would be 8 hours on a winters day (even though technically things like ham and cooked eggs shouldn’t be left at room temp for more than 2 hours).

I’m not wanting to undo the good that other posters have done by calming you down- I think your dc will be absolutely fine - but I want to acknowledge that your fear is absolutely grounded in fact and is not irrational. Just because other people haven’t ever been sick from 12 hour old room temp sandwiches or leftovers cooled on the bench overnight doesn’t mean that, factually, these behaviours can and do cause food poisoning.

OP you most certainly have emetophobia, not OCD! Look up the Thrive program by Rob Kelly which was the most effective treatment I tried. CBT and other traditional types of therapy are usually useless. As a somewhat recovered emetophobe, the sandwich will be perfectly fine in terms of temperature! Buying in the morning to each for lunch is absolutely fine as all the ingredients are cooked. I would give it a pass if it would be for dinner.

However, and apologies if this is triggering, the greatest risk of such a sandwich is that you're getting it from Tesco. Supermarket ready meals are usually at higher chance of food poisoning simply because they are cheaper and you cannot be certain about the production conditions, suppliers and cool chain. Ready made deli meals have a lot ingredients that would potentially be contaminated, especially things like salad or meat items.

I generally only get packaged sandwiches from Pret or similar cafes were the food is made on site and monitored. The cheaper the location, the more likely they're outsourcing their food production. I had a school friend who had a side hustle in university making sandwiches in their kitchen for local gas stations. They were packaged exactly like those takeaway ones but you'd never assume it to be made in a random student kitchen with no hygiene standard!

@User645262 yes I do have emetophobia, not sure if it's also OCD or just the same thing with a different name. Thanks for the Thrive recommendation - I've heard good things from other places about that.

And I think because I know (far too much) about food safety rules etc, I know that there is some risk in having an unrefridgerated sandwich, even though so many on here have done it many times with no ill effect, so there is a basis to my fears even though they may be completely out of proportion.

I think that's why I'm finding it hard to navigate. I just feel out of control. I can't change anything my ExH does or doesn't do - his opinion would be like the majority of people on here who have done this lots of times with no ill effect and wouldn't think twice about it. But from my point of view, I can't see why it is worth taking the risk. There is a risk, it's possible to reduce (or eliminate) the risk, so why not do that? But I couldn't do that this morning, and the inability to stop my child potentially being at risk triggers all of my old trauma about him being so unwell in the past.

Regarding the weather, yes it's colder outside which is good, but if his school is anything like my workplace, the heating will just have been turned on and it will be like a sauna in there!

Yes there can be risks from un refrigerated sandwiches but low risk in October packed in a lunch box or bag.

I took sandwiches to school every day when I was a kid. Wasn't sick from them. Your child will most likely be absolutely fine!

We regularly hike miles with a picnic in our backpacks, never entered our heads to take a cool pack.

Ask them how warm their school is. Most schools cannot afford to heat their schools to the levels of “sauna”.

I never use a cool bag for sandwiches because I don't like the feeling of eating chilled food! If your DC became ill it would be because of the sandwich having been left out for days/being out of date, not from being in a bag for 4 hours, honestly.

Please see your GP. Sertraline has been amazing for me in terms of the health anxiety I would get around my children. It can make you feel a little bit unsteady as you adjust (so I'm told - I went on it when I had a newborn and so I didn't notice through all the other physical changes!) but after a week or two the change will be really obvious x

I remember thinking that sandwiches tasted better at school when they'd been in my bag for a few hours
-hides-

Really interesting study done by University of Sussex about inter generational transmission of anxiety from parent to child and why treatment is so important not just for the parent but for long term outcomes for children.

https://sussex.figshare.com/articles/journalcontribution/Theeimpactofftreatingparentallanxietyonnchildrenssmentalhealthhanemptyysystematicreview/23488307

How many times do children actually get sick from their lunchbox sandwiches versus the number of lunchbox sandwiches that are eaten every day and have been since the beginning of time? This is not a proportionate fear.

Does his lunch box have some insulation?

I wouldn’t worry about food poisoning . I would wonder if the sandwich would be a bit greasy and unappealing by lunchtime. But that’s your DS’s call.

How old is DS? I’d be more cautious with a small child say 4/5.

Cold bread is disgusting!