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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really stuck on where to live

38 replies

wheretolivemylovely · 01/10/2024 19:54

DH and I are looking to move house but we're so undecided about where to settle that we need outside opinion.

I'll be using fictional placenames in case it's outing, but also for my amusement. Basically, there are three candidates (Hogsmeade, Gotham and South Park 😃) and we can't decide between them.

Summary:

We met at uni in a small city (Hogsmeade). DH is from there and his parents still live there. It's always been the dream to move to Hogsmeade permanently. Unfortunately, it's very expensive with house prices spiralling to the point of insanity since the economic crash. Good quality properties are rare enough to be non-existent at our budget. We'd have to settle for a small flat no better than our current one in a remote part of the city.

Currently, we own a small flat in a big city (Gotham). We've been here for over a decade. It's great for restaurants, nightlife, etc. and has more of a buzz about it than anywhere else. We're conveniently located but the area can be rough with drug problems and the occasional stabbing. It's an hour by train to Hogsmeade. On our budget, we could stretch to a large flat with an extra bedroom in a nicer but less convenient part of the city.

I grew up in a big town (South Park), which is very close to Gotham but further still from Hogsmeade. My family live here. As a town, it's a bit rough around the edges, but property in the best areas is affordable and we could get a real grown-up house with a garden instead of a flat.

Extra context and factors:

Neither of us drive (no need for it in Gotham) though DH said he would start once we move.

We work from home. DH occasionally works in the Gotham office and could easily transfer to his company's office in Hogsmeade. However, the Hogsmeade branch is smaller and does less interesting work than the one in Gotham.

DH also has one of those mysterious DH-type hobbies beloved by Mumsnet, and while the facilities in Gotham for said hobby are fine, they're elite level in Hogsmeade.

DH's parents are older so he'd prefer to be around them in Hogsmeade and wouldn't want to wait ten more years in another interim, un-forever home.

We're looking to start a family. As we don't yet have kids, we don't know what to prioritise in terms of affordability, closeness to family, and niceness of area. I think I'd prefer to be close to my mum. However, my mum says it's a no-brainer and that we should definitely move to Hogsmeade as it's much nicer than both South Park and Gotham (she won't even visit Gotham because it's "too dangerous" and says she'd visit all the time if we moved to Hogsmeade).

To reiterate: most of the properties in Hogsmeade at our budget are awful. In all our time of looking at Rightmove, we have seen maybe one (1) flat that was nice enough at the very top of our budget but it had poor transport links.

South Park has excellent transport links to central Gotham. But as much as I'll always consider it "home", I don't particularly wish to return to South Park.

We've only looked at places we already have ties to, which is important to us. The wildcard idea is that we say fuck it and move to Narnia where my best friend lives. Narnia is an hour from both Gotham and Hogsmeade but also serves DH's hobby better than Gotham, though not to the extent of Hogsmeade. And it's more of a small semi-rural city, which I think would be a good change of pace and great for raising a child. Property there is comparable to South Park, in that you get more for your money, and by all accounts my friend is happy, though she too has recently debated moving to other places to be closer to family, and we don't know much about Narnia at all. (Narnia is not as serious a contender as the other three, just here out of desperation.)

TLDR: For Hogsmeade, we can't afford to be choosy beggars and would need to compromise drastically. Same but to a lesser extent for the more desirable areas of Gotham. But in South Park we could live like royalty.

Hopefully you can make sense of this. We are so stuck, please help :(

OP posts:
WiserOlderElf · 01/10/2024 19:59

I’m guessing Bristol and Bath 😁. I’d stick in Gotham if you’re happy there.

OldTinHat · 01/10/2024 20:03

Change your username and say the actual locations. Much easier and we may be able to share real life experiences.

WiserOlderElf · 01/10/2024 20:05

OldTinHat · 01/10/2024 20:03

Change your username and say the actual locations. Much easier and we may be able to share real life experiences.

This

Twoshoesnewshoes · 01/10/2024 20:07

Hmmmmm
id actually say Narnia.
Gotham sounds a bit rough for a family home and it sounds like you’d never get a home you loved in Hogsmeade. Though maybe South Park if it has a ‘nice’ bit?

Barney16 · 01/10/2024 20:07

My dad used to say buy the best house you can afford in the nicest area. So it may be slightly rubbish compared to property in a cheaper town but it's all about the location.

Westfacing · 01/10/2024 20:13

I'd say Gotham for the buzz, but in a better part than where you are now.

Forget about Narnia.

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/10/2024 20:16

london and Cambridge and rowing for the hobby??

rainydaysaway · 01/10/2024 20:20

I think you’ll regret a small flat when you have children.

ChilliPB · 01/10/2024 20:20

Do you think you’ll be able to increase your budget over time? Are you in the sort of jobs that you think you’ll get good pay increases over time? How old are you? Do you think you’ll be able to keep moving up the property ladder - buy something now, build up some equity and then move again in a few years?

And do you want to stay in one area for a long time?

Basically if you can only afford a small property in not the best area of Hogsmeade, will you be able to upgrade later on? Or will you have to move areas again if you want more space or a garden etc?

Worth thinking about because if you have kids you may want to stay in one area for schools etc. What are the schools like in your different options?

What would your childcare options be? Would you be getting help from either set of parents? Would that impact affordability? Eg it’s not going to be just about the mortgage - if you think grandparents might be helping with childcare that could reduce your monthly outgoings a lot.

What would your day to day life look like in the different options? Would you, for example, spend more time out and about in Hogsmeade or visiting the in laws, so the property size wouldn’t matter? And more time indoors in South Park because there is less to do?

Could you consider Narnia more seriously? Go and stay in an air BnB for a few days and get a sense of what life might be like there too?

SausageRoll2020 · 01/10/2024 20:25

I vote Narnia.
As another poster says, try it in an Airbnb for a few days if you can.
(And also, just tell us the real city names for real life opinions)

Aliciainwunderland · 01/10/2024 20:28

if you are thinking of children don’t forget to factor in local schools
I’m going to guess bath, london , Basingstoke 😂

FifiFalafel · 01/10/2024 20:30

I say South Park. You can buy a house with a garden in a nice area and be near your mum when you have children. Your DH can commute to his more interesting work and, when the children come along and you have a house to decorate he won't have time to do his hobby any more anyway.

A small, semi-rural city an hour from Hogsmeade is going to seem very quiet and have bad transport links compared to Gotham.

Gotham is going to get very old when you have kids in a tiny flat and are surrounded by crime and drugs.

cheezncrackers · 01/10/2024 20:30

I wouldn't buy a small flat anywhere if you want to start a family. If you want a grown-up house with a garden, that's what you should buy.

Is there a nice village or anywhere that's near to Hogsmeade that you could afford to buy a house? I live in a small, expensive city, but there are other options nearby that aren't anywhere near as pricey and are still nice.

LadyQuackBeth · 01/10/2024 20:30

Hogsmeade, you can put down roots now while you live in a small place, but big enough pre-kids and then move later if you need more space, staying in Hogsmeade. It's clear that's where you see yourself living, it just doesn't feel practical to jump straight to the forever home there.

FifiFalafel · 01/10/2024 20:31

I’m going to guess bath, london , Basingstoke 😂

And Narnia is Wells.

DuckBee · 01/10/2024 20:32

You know Gotham is actually a real Nottinghamshire village?

ClementineChurchill · 01/10/2024 20:34

Stay where you are.

Fiddlesticksand · 01/10/2024 20:48

Edinburgh, Glasgow, East Kilbride and Stirling?

parietal · 01/10/2024 20:53

I'm guessing London / Cambridge and rowing.

Prime consideration is whether you and DH are in the kind of jobs where salary could go up rapidly over the next few years, or have you hit a level that you'll now stay at.

If salary will go up, I'd go for the flat in hogsmead with a plan to upgrade in 5 years.

If not, I'd look more at Narnia.

wheretolivemylovely · 01/10/2024 21:02

Thank you, lots of different opinions and questions to consider (esp re schools / childcare). But also very split too! I know it would be better to provide real placenames but I just don't want to risk it.

In time we will definitely live in Hogsmeade. It's just a matter of whether now is the time to make that jump and therefore suck up a mediocre property for another few years. All going well in our careers, upgrading within the city should definitely be doable. Hogsmeade has great schools.

Gotham has quite a bit of support which is understandable because it's the logical "middle ground" (which is why we moved here originally).

South Park I'm torn on, I think because of the emotional connection to it.

Narnia might be too much of a culture shock, but visiting longer term is a good solution.

OP posts:
Courgettey · 01/10/2024 21:05

Sorry, I just can't get past the fictional names 😂😂

pastlives · 01/10/2024 21:07

Well if you’re definitely going to end up in Hogsmead eventually, which sounds expensive, I’d buy in South Park now and enjoy a decent quality of life while you save up. You don’t want to be in a city flat with children if you can avoid it imo, and you may need to stay put for some time. Spend the time with your family in your garden.

Swissvisa · 01/10/2024 21:07

Look at the schools. If one area has outstanding schools and one has requires improvement then that’ll be your answer. We made the mistake of moving without checking… and we’re moving again. We also didn’t mind our little ‘rough around the edges’ city before kids, but I now hate it and don’t like the thought of them growing up here. Don’t underestimate how much your priorities change after you start a family, DH hobby for example…

MathsMum3 · 01/10/2024 21:15

Hogsmeade (Cambridge?). It's where you want to be long term, so move there now and make the connections you'll need moving forward. If you really can't find somewhere within budget after a decent search, try Narnia as an adventure, knowing it will always be a temporary home.

parietal · 01/10/2024 21:56

many people think you can't have kids if you live in a flat. I'm in London and plenty of people do - 2 or even 3 kids in a decent 2 bed flat with lots of parks / libraries/ activities on your doorstep and you can have a much better time than in an isolated house where you have to drive to see anyone or buy a pint of milk.

go for a flat in the best location and plan to upgrade.