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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really stuck on where to live

38 replies

wheretolivemylovely · 01/10/2024 19:54

DH and I are looking to move house but we're so undecided about where to settle that we need outside opinion.

I'll be using fictional placenames in case it's outing, but also for my amusement. Basically, there are three candidates (Hogsmeade, Gotham and South Park 😃) and we can't decide between them.

Summary:

We met at uni in a small city (Hogsmeade). DH is from there and his parents still live there. It's always been the dream to move to Hogsmeade permanently. Unfortunately, it's very expensive with house prices spiralling to the point of insanity since the economic crash. Good quality properties are rare enough to be non-existent at our budget. We'd have to settle for a small flat no better than our current one in a remote part of the city.

Currently, we own a small flat in a big city (Gotham). We've been here for over a decade. It's great for restaurants, nightlife, etc. and has more of a buzz about it than anywhere else. We're conveniently located but the area can be rough with drug problems and the occasional stabbing. It's an hour by train to Hogsmeade. On our budget, we could stretch to a large flat with an extra bedroom in a nicer but less convenient part of the city.

I grew up in a big town (South Park), which is very close to Gotham but further still from Hogsmeade. My family live here. As a town, it's a bit rough around the edges, but property in the best areas is affordable and we could get a real grown-up house with a garden instead of a flat.

Extra context and factors:

Neither of us drive (no need for it in Gotham) though DH said he would start once we move.

We work from home. DH occasionally works in the Gotham office and could easily transfer to his company's office in Hogsmeade. However, the Hogsmeade branch is smaller and does less interesting work than the one in Gotham.

DH also has one of those mysterious DH-type hobbies beloved by Mumsnet, and while the facilities in Gotham for said hobby are fine, they're elite level in Hogsmeade.

DH's parents are older so he'd prefer to be around them in Hogsmeade and wouldn't want to wait ten more years in another interim, un-forever home.

We're looking to start a family. As we don't yet have kids, we don't know what to prioritise in terms of affordability, closeness to family, and niceness of area. I think I'd prefer to be close to my mum. However, my mum says it's a no-brainer and that we should definitely move to Hogsmeade as it's much nicer than both South Park and Gotham (she won't even visit Gotham because it's "too dangerous" and says she'd visit all the time if we moved to Hogsmeade).

To reiterate: most of the properties in Hogsmeade at our budget are awful. In all our time of looking at Rightmove, we have seen maybe one (1) flat that was nice enough at the very top of our budget but it had poor transport links.

South Park has excellent transport links to central Gotham. But as much as I'll always consider it "home", I don't particularly wish to return to South Park.

We've only looked at places we already have ties to, which is important to us. The wildcard idea is that we say fuck it and move to Narnia where my best friend lives. Narnia is an hour from both Gotham and Hogsmeade but also serves DH's hobby better than Gotham, though not to the extent of Hogsmeade. And it's more of a small semi-rural city, which I think would be a good change of pace and great for raising a child. Property there is comparable to South Park, in that you get more for your money, and by all accounts my friend is happy, though she too has recently debated moving to other places to be closer to family, and we don't know much about Narnia at all. (Narnia is not as serious a contender as the other three, just here out of desperation.)

TLDR: For Hogsmeade, we can't afford to be choosy beggars and would need to compromise drastically. Same but to a lesser extent for the more desirable areas of Gotham. But in South Park we could live like royalty.

Hopefully you can make sense of this. We are so stuck, please help :(

OP posts:
ChilliPB · 01/10/2024 22:19

parietal · 01/10/2024 21:56

many people think you can't have kids if you live in a flat. I'm in London and plenty of people do - 2 or even 3 kids in a decent 2 bed flat with lots of parks / libraries/ activities on your doorstep and you can have a much better time than in an isolated house where you have to drive to see anyone or buy a pint of milk.

go for a flat in the best location and plan to upgrade.

Agree, and I think it depends on the city. I’m in Edinburgh, in a tenement. Beautiful Victorian building. High ceilings. Very big. Bigger than most of my friends’ houses down south. We have shared (big!) gardens. Lots of families live in tenements here. I’m in an excellent school catchment area. I walk to the park in one minute, the city centre in ten minutes and can walk to countryside or hop in the car to get somewhere really beautiful in about ten minutes.

A lot of my friends down south are mildly sneering or surprised about us living in a flat, but they mostly live in houses in the suburbs where there’s little to do locally, they often rely on driving everywhere and as their kids get older they have limited independence. Its all personal choice of course.

AlmondsAreGreat · 01/10/2024 22:22

Not Gotham, the crime rate is dreadful and the police have to rely on a masked vigilante.

wheretolivemylovely · 01/10/2024 23:03

AlmondsAreGreat · 01/10/2024 22:22

Not Gotham, the crime rate is dreadful and the police have to rely on a masked vigilante.

😀

I think @parietal said it well with buying a flat in the best location and planning to upgrade. That's what I'm leaning towards atm, though who knows how I'll feel tomorrow 😫

OP posts:
LizzieLazzie · 01/10/2024 23:04

London, Oxford, Cambridge and Morris Dancing/Re-enactment again?! The advice my parents gave me was it is better to live in a tiny place in a lovely location than the other way round and that’s worked for us.

Enoughwiththisshit · 01/10/2024 23:11

I'm guessing London (Gotham), Oxford/Cambridge (Hogsmeade) and Reading (Narnia).

Pleatherandlace · 01/10/2024 23:17

Buy a fixer upper in Hogsmeasd. I’d always choose location first. You can scale up to bigger and better flat but if you want to start a family I’d want to start laying down roots somewhere you intend to stay

sansou · 01/10/2024 23:20

I would choose a commutable distance from Hogsmeade - a doer upper that had the potential to add value to. Location, location, location! If you want children, definitely choose somewhere with future school catchments in mind. Anywhere desirable is expensive - just draw a commutable circle near your work places and look there. It's what we have always done in the past when house hunting.

BurntBroccoli · 02/10/2024 08:28

Sounds amazing! @ChilliPB
I'd love to move to Edinburgh.

Toomanyemails · 02/10/2024 08:48

I'm in a very similar situation to you OP! (DP is from overseas but has various family in SE England, we're in London for now considering buying small flat here or big house near my family up north though I have no emotional ties there). It's so tricky to weigh up the multiple factors of kids, work options, hobby, house size, child-raising options.

Something that's helped me is flipping the situation and instead of feeling sad that none of the options are ideal (eg small flat in London when we want DC), I'm trying to be happy that we have multiple good options which would give us a nice life, like you do. Then you're just deciding exactly which of the possible nice lives you're most drawn to. Eg. You said you have likely career progression so that makes a stronger case for the expensive areas, whereas if your focus was on working less you wouldn't want to stretch the budget too far.

I'd rule out Narnia as the emotional ties are so important to you and your best friend may not stay there. I'd also rule out South Park - having a nicer house in an area that you're not excited about doesn't sound like it suits you, and it's further from DH's family. Is there any chance your mum will move to be closer once you are settled? I'd also learn to drive as it will increase your options. If you want to be in Hogsmeade long term, I'd get the best place you can for your budget, maybe further from the station things may be cheaper, or you could speak to mortgage brokers to see if there's any room to increase the budget.

elessar · 02/10/2024 08:50

Key question for me is what's your reason for wanting to move?

Normally people have a reason (more space, closer to family etc) and that reason should be a key consideration. Ie. If more space is a key driver, then Hogsmeade should be out of the question if you can only afford a small flat the same size you have now.

If it's because you want to start a family, then think about what would be best for that scenario. Ie. Good schools, more space, closer to family support etc.

I don't think there's any point buying somewhere that won't last you a good few years, considering moving house is so expensive.

If you don't have a single strong driver to move now, then why not just stay put for a while and continue to save. That will give you more options when you do buy your next property.

WiserOlderElf · 02/10/2024 08:57

We did the equivalent of moving to your South Park, and have regretted it ever since. We’re now making plans to move to your Hogsmeade equivalent!

amidsummernightsdream · 02/10/2024 09:09

100% Hogsmead. Thats where you want to live isnt it?
Going for the better area seems like the right choice for your heart and your head.

Look to establish yourself there in what you can afford right now with a view to climbing the property ladder.

If you move elsewhere property prices wont rise in line and the gap may get bigger making a move harder with bigger sacrifices in the future.

If you're starting a family, you can definitely do this in a flat and would argue that this is preferable in a better area as opposed to a bigger place in a rougher area
Groups, schools, community and your day to day surroundings will be important with a child.

We started off in a 1 bed flat in the area we wanted to be in and were lucky enough to buy a house eventually. I often reflect on how the area we are in has positively impacted my experience as a mum- lovely parks, cafes, library all a short stroll away make all the difference in those early years (they did for me anyway) not to mention community and the people you surround yourself with.

The fact his parents will be there for support seals the deal.

hazelnutlatte · 02/10/2024 09:10

I am from a town like south park and personally wouldn't choose to move back there, even though houses are half the price of where I live now.
I think your ideal place is Hogsmeade but if you want to start a family and can't afford at least a decent sized 2 bed flat there then you need to take it off your list.
Have a proper look at the nicer areas of Gotham- can you afford a decent sized flat there? If yes, then that's probably a reasonable choice for now. If you can only afford the grotty bits of Gotham then I think you need to start considering other places entirely! Possibly narnia but since you work from home, you could go anywhere!

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