to wonder HOW single parents cope

[Neuroticmillenial]

Long story short, I’m thinking of separating from DH as things have gotten toxic.

I keep wondering how single mothers cope as I usually put dinner in when DH gets back from work, have my shower when he’s sat with the kids. I have a toddler and child with Sen. Could really use some tips and pointers? 🙏

If you are married and living together/ sharing finances - you are not "basically a single parent"

This. DS's dad has never once texted/e-mailed/phoned to ask how DS is. DS doesn't like him so now refuses to go. ExH doesn't care. Hasn't seen him for 6 months. Means I do 100% of everything. It's exhausting but who else will look after him?

@tearsandtiaras , I agree

I classed myself as a married single mother when I was married.

When I was no longer married and really a single parent (with no eow or any support) I look back and think to myself how naive that was.

The physical side is the easy part tbh. It's the emotional, financial and absolute solo responsibility side that is the most difficult.

We cope because we have to.

Like PPs have said, you and DC are a team.

I've found having low standards in regards to housework helps!

Always make sure you've got either a pint of milk in the freezer, or long life in the cupboard just in case.

We cope because there is zero other option. You get used to it anyway.

Will your dh want 50:50? What arrangements do you imagine will happen?

I found it easier in a way because I had so much more mental energy. I hadn't realised how low I was in mood and it was like a cloud lifted!

Tips wise- Deliveroo was a god send for emergency milk/bread after the kids went to bed.
Filled the freezer with delicious ready meals like from Cook.
Hot lunches in school so you can get away with picky plate dinners

Thanks everyone. Things have just become toxic and the respect is gone (if it were ever there to begin with!).

I’ve always said I’d never choose a man over my kids but by staying in this mess, I already am because I’m half functioning as a mum after yet another row.

I’m done. Have no idea how it looks practically as he won’t leave, but I am done!

You cope because you have to. Been at it for 15 years. Routine is everything - my biggest hate is packed lunches and very occasionally I rebel against myself and don't do them of an evening and then regret it the next day!

YouTube is useful for trying to fix hoovers unblock drains etc etc I have expensive 'Home Care' with British Gas that deals with emergencies. Well worth the money. I have a builder, handyman and car mechanic I trust to do a good job at a fair price. And o er the years I've learnt that you can sort anything if you throw enough money at it!

There’s just literally no other option than to crack on for me

The thought of doing it alone is honestly so much scarier than the reality of actually doing it! You gradually find your own routines and way of doing things…and it’s so much easier than living life in a toxic relationship

Thanks everyone. Things have just become toxic and the respect is gone (if it were ever there to begin with!).
I’ve always said I’d never choose a man over my kids but by staying in this mess, I already am because I’m half functioning as a mum after yet another row.
I’m done. Have no idea how it looks practically as he won’t leave, but I am done!

Could have written this op. I already carry almost all of the emotional load. I'm going to be checking my financial situation out over the next few weeks but I think I will be okay. I'm in the process of building a more robust social life and potenital support network. Things are progressing but probably not as fast as I would like.

I wasn't trying to offend.

Just giving advice from a person who does 100% of everything.

Hope everything goes well for you, OP.

I have 5 children and would find it incredibly difficult to manage alone without my husband. Likewise, he would struggle without me. But both of us would make it work because if the situation occurs, you simply have to. There isn't really another good choice.

You'll be fine, I left my ex when we had a 7 week old, and a 21 month old who was SEN. No one believed at the time, but 6 months later they do.
Also an older DC but she's not much bother.
Like everything else ypu figure it out.

Mt best tip for you? Make a massive spaghetti bol recipe early in the week, first night you've got spaghetti bol, 2nd night left over sauce goes into a lasagne, if you made enough for a 3rd night, you put in your kidney beans, cumin, and coriander and a bit of chilli and you've got a chilli. It saves me loads of time on night 2/3. (I do make a huge batch, and it helps that DD is the only one who eats a full portion)

Cantacewons

" I'm doing hundred percent of everything "

Does your husband live with you and financially pay for yours/ childrens lives? Does he speak to you about decision making?

You are being offensive. Even more so by your comment, unless he doesn't live with you or pay in which case i apologise

It's easier to get into a routine when it's just one adult and the child(ren). Once we settled in it became so much easier

Well, it isn’t easy!

But it’s a lot easier than doing it all anyway with a lazy arse many sitting about watching you.

Mine are a bit older than yours now.

It does help if you can afford a cleaner, and things like HelloFresh/ Gousto or that type of thing. Even the simply cook spice boxes take some of the thinking out of it for me. And the occasional pizza or similar never did anyone any harm!

I dislike having the financial burden entirely on me even though I earn well but you cope with the things you don’t like.

I have two autistic DCs and am a single parent.

1. Own a very well stocked first aid kit (like a chemist’s shop)
2. Have bought a spare freezer
3. Use Deliveroo and Uber Eats to deliver food and groceries when under pressure
4. Use pressure cooker/slow cooker a lot
5. Plan childcare way in advance for holidays and also have back ups in mind
6. Have a cleaner who sometimes saves my sanity
7. Think some days are just minimum parenting - keeping everyone well and fed & watered
8. Keep spare paper cups and plates and plastic cutlery in case I come down with some sickness and need to keep the kitchen ticking over. I can feed everyone and bin the lot.
9. Have learned to apply and get all the money I am entitled to.
10. Have sought home hairdressers/nail lady etc so I don’t have to leave the house.
11. Got across the parenting policy at work so I can take time off etc when kids are sick.
12. Learned I need to relax and pace myself
13. Not looked after myself well enough.
14. Been ahead in terms of new coat/winter scarf all sitting at home because I cannot leave home.

This and SOOOOOOOOOO important to take care of yourself, however impossible that might seem

Been signed up with a milkman was also handy.. I could order up to 9:00pm and they delivered foodstuffs, nappies etc too..