DH and planning - how do you do it?

[Butnothingsclear]

So recently;

I found out DH was away overnight soon through his friends wife mentioning it. Not the first time.

Found out by accident he’d invited relative and her friend for food (he was cooking but I’d already put something in the calendar for us all which I then had to cancel)

Found out he’s got another night/day away soon - only because it accidentally came out.

This morning I suggested doing something tonight, found out he’s got someone coming around.

Same with what he does around the house. Just cracks on with DIY without talking about plans together.

He likes to be spontaneous. I like planning. I like to have things to look forward to. I like to know if he’s away so I can plan my time.

AIBU to ask you how you plan family time? How do you agree if and where to go out/on holiday etc.

‘Oh darling did I tell you about my spa break this weekend? No! Oh well, I was so inspired by your spontaneous attitude to life that I just booked it. And I’m so glad that you’re not controlling and that you’re happy to take care of everything while I’m away - byeee’

😂😂😂

We have a shared gmail email address and calendar. We use the email for anything we both need to see (car insurance, kids schools, utility companies etc) and use the calendar as a family calendar.

We don't add something to the calendar if it clashes with something already there. If it's important then we have a discussion about which commitment should be kept.

We use the calendar extensively. I process the kids school newsletters/clubs etc and add the details of everything in to the calendar. DH does the morning school run, so it's his responsibility to check that calendar on the day (things generally have a 6am alert on them!) and ensure the kids have 50p or a green t shirt or whatever.

We also add in any nights out/weekends away/work trips, with the assumption that the other parent will cover parenting for that time. I don't put something for me if there's already something for him, and visa versa!