To be shocked deferring by a year has become this common?

[Killiam]

My DS is 4, his birthday is august 28th, he started school this year.
Today I went to a session at his school where parents were invited in to see what they have been doing etc.
After I was talking to some parents and they noted more than once how tiny he is, I said ah well he has just turned 4 so makes sense. This is when I learned of his class of 24 kids, 4 of them should have started the year before 1 June birthday, 2 July and 1 August. The next closest in age to my son is a June baby so no other July or August babies born his year at all!
DS seems to be doing well but when I asked the other summer parents why they decided to defer they basically all said they just felt their kids needed more time, nothing the separates them from DS.
DS does cry most days going in and couldn't write his name or anything before starting.
The school is in central London and is very diverse but lots of Eastern European and Asian parents and Ive learn that in most of those countries 6 or even 7 is a more common. starting age so I wonder if that plays a role?

AIBU to be shocked it is so common to defer now? Starting to wonder if I made the right choice!

It’s risky because children could potentially drop out of school in year 10 before sitting their GCSEs, if they want to. Many parents think the benefits outweigh the risks though.

On a population-wide scale, there is an attainment gap for summer borns.

On an individual basis it doesn’t necessarily make a difference. My friend’s birthday is 30th August and she got straight As and is now a consultant. I don’t think she’s have done any better if she’d hung back a year, and her 18th birthday party would’ve sucked! As the youngest the advantage was we could all go on a night out round the pubs and clubs with her to celebrate 😁 A small advantage, granted, but she enjoyed it at the time!!

Compulsory school is until the last Friday in June in the year you turn 16. So yes, they certainly can leave school before their exams if they so choose.

Young people are required to stay in education, training or employment until they are 18, however this is a duty on the local authority to provide education, training and employment opportunities, not a compulsion on the child or their parents themselves. In reality you can walk out of school on the last Friday of June with not a single GCSE to your name and literally no-one will bat an eyelid.

I think the way they do it in Ireland is so much more sensible.

Kids have to start school in the September by the time they are 6, but they can start from 4.

The vast majority start at 5 and the decision point is usually when the child is spring born - ie should they start at 4.5 or 5.5? It is extremely rare for kids to start at just turned 4 as summer borns do by default in England. And contrary to the comments on this thread, having kids of different ages (up to 2 years) isn’t an issue at all.

It is a parental decision based on the readiness of the individual child, as it should be.

I'm in Germany and they start school at 6/7 years old here. It's so much better and has really opened my eyes to how young we start in the UK. If we ever move back, I'd defer my second born (January birthday...Scotland is slightly different).

I have held back my youngest. He is absolutely not ready. That being said, my eldest's best mate is Aug 31st and is 100% as mature and able as the other kids.

It's totally individual and if your LO is happy and enjoying school then you've made the right choice. If they aren't, then discuss with the head teacher about taking them out and trying next year.

Then tell me @SunriseMonsters why is there a clear demographic difference between people who choose to defer school start according to socioeconomic status?? If everyone one can do it and it’s a free choice, why why why the difference??

“Using children as pawnsxin [sic] in [my] attempted class war” LOL

I thin 28 is a bit older than the OP was suggesting...

It’s not that straightforward for sports. All the sports that my kids have been involved in are regulated by the relevant sporting body - the FA, England Netball etc

So a year 10 football tournament for example will be for all pupils aged 14 or younger on the 1st September of that academic year. An older child who has deferred a year at reception age would definitely not be permitted to play. They would play with the year above.

This is not just for elite sport but regular inter school or inter club sport competitions.

My August born son deferred a year. There were 2 other boys across the 2 reception classes that also did. Of my NCT group of 8 (all with summerborns born close together), 2 of us made the decision to defer, 1 seriously considered it but didn't in the end. For us, it was completely logical - my son has always been very young for his age and was quite late with some milestones although no additional needs. We felt like it was giving him an extra year of childhood and didn't really see any argument for not doing it. The fact that we moved area not long before he could've started school at just 4 helped make the decision even easier - there was no worry that he was left behind while his nursery friends left for school but tbh the benefits would've outweighed that for us anyway.
Don't worry what anyone else has done - you know your child and have made your choices based on what's right for him just as other parents have for theirs 😀

In Scotland, 55% of Jan/Feb babies are deferred to start at 5.5. It's as many as 98% in some (affluent) areas and as low as 37% in others, which tend to be more deprived areas. However, you get another year of funded childcare, which in Scotland is 30 hours for everyone, which does help.

We discourage it, partly because it can cause problems further on. This year we have a boy in Y6 who is “out of cohort”. His birthday is in August, the mum was adamant he needed to defer so we agreed (after pointing out the risk of the following).
It is now time for current Y6s to be applying for secondary school. The school that mum really wants her son to go has said he can join NOW and go into Y7 (missing the rest of Y6) or hope there is a place in Y8 next September. They will not accept him out of cohort. No school HAS to accept a child out of cohort.

I think being summer born worked well for DD1 as she was so strong academically always- when they did national curriculum levels she was assessed at the level of being the average for two years ahead. It meant she was one of several kids, mostly 6 months+ older than her who were bright and it was just a normal thing.

I was September born and also very switched on academically - and tall for my age- felt like an outlier and I stuck out like a sort thumb until secondary school.

I would have definitely deferred my August born if it was a choice when he was in Reception. He left school with qualifications but he would have probably had an easier time academically in the year below. He is very sociable and in the early years his best mates were other summer borns which may or may not have been a coincidence but I think it’s normal to want your child to have every advantage available.
Obviously not all summer borns need deferral but it would have done my son no harm at all to start things like phonics (which he had no interest in ) a year later.

What a ridiculous system. Here they just go to secondary after completing their 7 years at primary, whatever that age might be.

No school HAS to accept a child out of cohort.

Well, that is ridiculous.

That sounds very poor practice. Here, deferred children stay with their cohort throughout the school journey, which is surely just common sense? I don't think the parent is at fault for this one!

I started school at 7 (independent school in the UK) and can't believe people send their kids off at 3 years old sometimes! That's just so depressingly young for a tiny child to leave their family. 😞

Parents on Universal Credit don't have the option to defer and receive another year's respite from searching for more hours.

So it's not them.

Oh god. What illogical logic. Such a poor sensationalist extrapolation. Can you explain the “logical” steps for me again between 1) I don’t try to game the system to benefit myself at the expense of other people and 2) some children experience neglect and abuse (a criminal act) so I must do the same to my children?

Honestly, tell yourself whatever you like to make yourself feel better. That’s what cognitive dissonance does to you I guess.

Nope.

I applied your exact stated logic to other parenting scenarios.

You stated that parents should choose not to defer their children starting school (even though research shows clearly that starting school at 4 is not developmentally appropriate and therefore can be - and often is - damaging). You stated that they should choose not to avoid this negative impact on their child because other parents might not also use their option to avoid this for their own children.

Everyone also has the choice whether to scream at their children, whether to play with them, whether to read to them, whether to show them affection. I'm interested in whether you apply this same logic to all parenting choices open to all parents: that it would be "unfair" for you to do anything for your children that other people might choose not to do for theirs even though they can.

If you are logically consistent, then based on your argument presumably you never hug your children or spend time with them and play with them or read to them etc, because some other parents will choose not to do these beneficial things even though the option is open to them, because you would consider this "unfair".

Likewise presumably you do harmful things to your children on purpose to level the playing field? Some children are treated unkindly and shouted at constantly. Would it be fair if yours isn't? Surely that would give th an "unfair" advantage?

If not, then your original argument about deferring school until 5 being "unfair" and how your "conscience" and "values" wouldn't allow you to because other parents might not choose to make the same (entirely free and open to all) choice makes no sense at all because you are being logically inconsistent.

Oddly with DD2, born in the middle of the year, most of her friends now as a teenager are a year+ older in the year above. I would never have said she was grown up for her age but it's maybe to do with having an older sibling.

I had a July baby and an August baby. The July baby wasn't ready for school so we home Ed for a few years. The August birthday child was ready and started at the right age.

We have had some from my nursery group start and a couple are managing fine but one could have done with staying with us another year.

Yep, the sport I coach has two year age groups and all that counts is what age you were on 1st January. It's pretty sweet if your birthday is on 2nd of January and you get a whole year of competing against smaller kids, but then you get promoted to the next category and start getting thrashed again by the kids two years older than you.

Most children aren't 'leaving their family' for the first time for school as it is. My children went to nursery (for longer days than they go to school). If I'd deferred DS1 he would have had another year at nursery, not another year at home with me, because I'm not at home - I have a job.

The don't have to start until the term after they turn 5 so you could mix a term of nursery and then a term or two in reception to then go up to Y1.

No school HAS to accept a child out of cohort.

They do in fact HAVE to. And there is a process in place to ensure that they do. Just because they say they don’t want to or that they won’t it doesn’t make it true or legal.