To not take my teenagers “health concern” seriously

[Samelly]

This may be long I apologise in advance

For context I work predominantly in a hospital/urgent care setting so I see first hand the entitlement of people and the abuse of our healthcare system. My mum is currently going through cancer treatment.

my daughter 14f has been to the GP recently about a lump under her ear (just a prominent lymph node nothing of concern but she wanted some reassurance) She also potentially has hyper mobility but that is pending a referral.
Last night out of the blue she wants to “get her tongue tie cut”
She claims she cannot say certain words properly (with no examples and there is not a single word I have ever heard her speak that makes the slightest impression she has a problem) I said you don’t have a tongue tie and if you had a bad one it would’ve been noticed as a baby if you had feeding issues. She went on and on about this tongue tie and I told her I am not taking her to the doctors for a medical issue that is not causing her any problems. Apparently I’m the arsehole for “not taking her side”.
just need some other opinions, am I being harsh?

It sounds like there is some underlying anxiety here and your daughter is channeling it towards health concerns. My daughter had similar anxiety due to school issues and began picking up on whatever TikTok health problem was making the rounds

With this type of thing I always say something like 'it's better not to have invasive surgery unless you need it as it could cause complications. If you still feel the same when you're 18 we'll look into it"

So I'm not dismissing their thing out of hand, just pushing it into the long grass.

I’m pretty sure that if she had a tongue tie a dentist would have mentioned it by now tbh.

Is someone teasing her in school about the way she speaks or pronounounces certain sounds. Don't be hard on her as she may be suffering underneath. Good idea to say if it's still an issue at 16/ 18 we will have it investigated. Maybe ask whoever is in your surgery what are the symptoms of tongue tie in an older child.

Can she stick her tongue out? I can't as it's joined at the front and as a teenager I was really self conscious of it (mainly related to would I be a bad kisser etc.) I still wish I could stick my tongue out but I've also never had any complaints(!) and it doesn't really affect speech or eating, but it could be something like that that's concerning her?

I had my tongue tie cut as an adult, it was noticed by an orthodontist who was treating my son and who has a specialist interest in adult tongue tie. Many adults have a (mild) tongue tie and they can apparently affect things like jaw pain, neck pain, digestion (because of swallowing air). I imagine you would have to pay privately for a tongue tie release unless it is severe.

However, I would listen to her and support her and talk through what she wants to do. It's not just about whether she needs a tongue tie release but about her relationship with you and her need to be listened to and feel supported. It's also possible, as others have said, that she may have anxiety/health anxiety and need some support with this.

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable and are 100% correct that a tongue tie would have been noticed years ago. I can bet I know exactly what has triggered this because my 18 year old DS has shown me videos. There’s a trend going round on TikTok about tongue ties, giving extremely false information about symptoms and what it looks like. Book her a routine dentist appt if you want to reassure her and you’re certain she doesn’t have one. Hopefully she’ll listen to a medical professional and that way you won’t feel like you’re wasting a GP appt.

See a pharmacist... They can diagnose..or not.
. Not wasting a GP appointment then..
But keep your Told You So face straight...

She might just be noticing her lingual frenulum that connects the tongue to the floor of the mouth. Obviously everyone's looks slightly different. Some are more prominent/noticeable but don't cause issues. Others have a "tongue tie". Others it's very unnoticeable.

I developed severe health anxiety at 14. It was because of anxiety/worry/confusion about something else entirely. Maybe have a think about whether it could be that?

DD had tongue tie and upper lip tie cut during nhs surgery for an unerrupted tooth in her mid teens - none of which had been picked up by our dentist who had always seemed very efficient! I’d suggest reassuring her that you’ll be asking her dentist at her next routine check up

Seems like she's concerned about multiple things. Find out why. Gently.

She's maybe got other stuff going on and just wants to fit in and is worried about doing that. When's hee next dental appointment? Maybe she could get her tongue checked then. I know people are saying don't waste a GP appointment but these things have the potential to turn into health anxiety so if it would reassure her maybe it's worth making an appointment.

It sounds like she has some underlying anxiety that she would benefit from speaking to someone about.

This. It sounds like it could be the start of health anxiety. Don't ignore this as it will get soooo much worse. Your relatives cancer could have triggered this in her. I went through similar.

What sort of stuff is she viewing on SM and internet in general?

How would a pharmacist be able to diagnose a tongue tie?

I'd listen to her concerns and perhaps do some research yourself so you can at least reassure her. Does sound like she is anxious, is she getting any help for that?

They are able to diagnose a multitude of problems. Surely it would be obvious to a trained health care provider?

I'm in my 50's and have only just discovered that I have a tongue tie. It was never picked up by anyone. I now realise that I've been working around it all these years and it actually is a hindrance. I'd rather I'd had it cut in my teens.

It's not worth making an appointment especially for this but it probably is worth mentioning whenever she's next at the dr.

Whether her concerns are valid or not, being dismissive of them isn't the answer.

Best comment ever not needed in a thread 🙄🤪
You’ve come to medically describe a tongue tie, when OP works in a medical environment, and it’s clearly very obvious OP’s daughter has noticed her lingual frenulum, hence telling her mum she wants her tongue tie cut 🤨😆

I agree with others OP, maybe she has some anxiety from something else and it’s manifesting as health concerns? Or, she’s living in a world where young people have such a hard time now, notice everything about each other, feel they have to conform etc? Could her speech be a little bit different and you don’t pick up on it as you’ve always heard it that way? I think you’ve dismissed her too easily tbh. She probably feels like you’re not listening to her, not bothered about her, you’ve just tossed her aside and walked all over her thoughts and feelings. But I’m a sensitive/emotional soul, so who’s to say my thoughts are correct either?

Tongue tie is regularly missed by staff at birth/early years so i doubt a pharmacist would be trained to spot one. o i doubt taking her daughter to one would help relieve her anxiety around possibly having one, when it sounds like she has found her own information online amd knows who can/can't assess.

I kissed a boy with a tongue tie when I was a teen and it was very noticeable. Could she have started kissing boys and one of them said something? She might prefer making it about pronunciation instead of telling her DM about kissing!

I thought tongue ties were pretty obvious. Have you looked yourself?

You could take her to her nhs dentist for a free check up and ask then

If she might have hyper mobility and they is pending a referral then she may well be worried about other things she previously though were normal but could actually get intervention on and make her life better.

Whether she has hyper mobility/tongue tie etc or not she's clearly anxious and you shutting her down won't help,

Hyper mobility can cause a whole raft of issues that might not seem serious to you as you work in a healthcare environment but they are serious to her.

This post has just made me wonder if my first boyfriend had a tongue tie and was not just a terrible kisser. 😒

Health anxiety can be a symptom of anxiety over something else, people fixate on 'what's wrong with me' when they can't say 'I just feel anxious and I don't know why'. Try having a chat with her; as you work in a medical setting your idea of when its reasonable to be anxious is going to be different from hers.