To not take my teenagers “health concern” seriously

[Samelly]

This may be long I apologise in advance

For context I work predominantly in a hospital/urgent care setting so I see first hand the entitlement of people and the abuse of our healthcare system. My mum is currently going through cancer treatment.

my daughter 14f has been to the GP recently about a lump under her ear (just a prominent lymph node nothing of concern but she wanted some reassurance) She also potentially has hyper mobility but that is pending a referral.
Last night out of the blue she wants to “get her tongue tie cut”
She claims she cannot say certain words properly (with no examples and there is not a single word I have ever heard her speak that makes the slightest impression she has a problem) I said you don’t have a tongue tie and if you had a bad one it would’ve been noticed as a baby if you had feeding issues. She went on and on about this tongue tie and I told her I am not taking her to the doctors for a medical issue that is not causing her any problems. Apparently I’m the arsehole for “not taking her side”.
just need some other opinions, am I being harsh?

The health anxiety could be related to her grandma having cancer.
There would be 2 reasons for the NHS to release a tongue tie - feeding difficulty in an infant, and speech difficulties related to the tie (confirmed by speech therapist that the problem is related to not being able to move the tongue to form the letters).

A normal lingual frenulum isn't a tongue tie though? I don't understand why you're being so aggressive? There's nothing in the OPs post to say the daughter has shown her mum a perfectly normal lingual frenulum and mum has said that's all it is. You'd be surprised at how many people have no idea what a normal mouth looks like. Even people who work in medical settings. I have GPs as patients who ask me questions about their mouths.

OP for having had similar issues at that age, I can tell you what the underlying anxiety is: she's worried about French kissing and getting a label as a bad kisser.
This actually caused me massive anxiety, sounds silly but teenagers are teenagers.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your daughter to want to get a lump checked out - great it’s not anything bad but the word of your mum doesn’t feel the same as the word of your GP.
And the tongue tie thing - best to hear her out and let her voice her concerns without being dismissive. If it’s nothing, and it may well be, she’s anxious about how she sounds. Just dismissing it isn’t the greatest. They aren’t necessarily all spotted in babies.

It sounds a bit like because you work in urgent care, and see people in critical trouble every day, plus your mum’s cancer treatment, you may be a bit too inclined to be dismissive of smaller health concerns. Your daughter ought to be able to discuss this stuff with you without feeling like she’s being judged for wasting people’s time.

If her mum is a nurse I’m sure the tongue tie would have been recognised….if it exists!

Why not just make her a doctors appointment and let her speak to the GP herself to voice her concerns? I used to go to the GP on my own at that age.
My son has a tongue tie and he's 11, the dentist has never mentioned it so hers may not have been noticed at all.

Thanks for all the replies guys. I will talk to her again, I did dismiss it too fast I know.

Tell her she can go to the GP about it if she likes. But if they do recommend surgery it would only be with your consent. It does sound like she might be having a bit of health anxiety. It could also be she's been watching videos about tongue ties and has sort of convinced herself she's got one. Or she might indeed have it?
My mum has an S shaped spine, and nobody told her she had scoliosis until she was in her 70s, but it had been like that all her life. So it's not impossible that people have things wrong that don't get mentioned.

I'd book an appointment, only if she understands that it will be a joint appointment and after she has discussed the tongue tie you will be discussing concerns that she has health anxiety with her present.

Consider setting phone and Internet
restrictions.

Can you suggest she makes her own doctors appointment and takes herself there on her own. Tell her she’s old enough. It will show how serious she is.

Adult tongue tie cutting is a thing on tik tok atm.

is it something she would have possibly seen videos of and thought she’d jump on the band wagon?

Not very sensitive to Mukey though. Bit rude.

I think you’re not being unreasonable to sort of roll your eyes at it but as other have suggested the reassurance of an independent health practitioner is always going to hold more weight than your Mums - especially as a teenage girl. Speak to her about TikTok and whether that could be where this is all stemming from.

Perhaps you can get her to wake up at 8am to call the GP practice to book the appointment / sort the e consult herself and I agree with other PP attend the appointment with her. Let her do all the talking (perhaps even let her have some time with the GP without you in case there are some concerns she doesn’t feel she can speak on with you in the room ) but maybe gently add that you yourself haven’t noticed any words that she can’t say properly. I don’t think it would do any harm to let the GP check out the lump too - this way she feels heard and has been reassured. I appreciate as a fellow nhs worker not wanting to “clog the system up necessarily” however her feelings are valid and one GP appointment isn’t going to be the straw that breaks the nhs’ back. You want her to feel that she can be honest and open with you.

If this truly is the beginning of health anxiety, ignoring her won’t make the problem go away and once she is reassured about one problem there will be another one that takes it place. It’s therefore important to have a record of this at the GP which can help her get access to counselling if necessary.

I think it's pretty common for kids of your daughter's age to seek attention for this sort of thing - especially girls, for some reason. I went to an all-girl secondary school and my memory of the early-mid teen years is that pretty much everyone was diagnosing themselves with all sorts of things. I think it can be a low-level anxiety thing, but more likely a subconscious (and fundamentally pretty innocent) need for attention and to feel 'special' at what's generally a pretty tricky age.

My friend's daughter has recently been through a phase of complaining about various issues like this, including insisting that she has a food intolerance (she doesn't) and wanting a brace that she doesn't need for her one very slightly misaligned tooth which isn't even visible when she speaks.

EDIT: I agree with the PP who said TikTok probably isn't helping! My friend's daughter also decided she had 'sensory issues' (she doesn't) after watching a load of TikToks about it.

Not being aggressive, just expressing incredulity that you felt you had to educate the OP on what a mouth should look like. I have not met 1 person in my 50+ years who has not realised they have skin that attaches their tongue to the bottom of their mouth. I’m quite sure OP and her daughter know this too. 🤷‍♀️😂

No, surprisingly I don’t feel the need to be sensitive towards an adult stranger on the internet whose post I find incredulous 🤔 🤷‍♀️
Wouldn’t say I was rude either. We are allowed to chat and give our thoughts here, whether others like them or not.

And I've worked in dentistry for over 20 years and I think you'd be surprised at what people don't know about their own mouths. I've had people come in missing an entire bridge that spans 3 teeth and not realise it's missing!
I've had people in their 50s+ decide they have a "lump" under the tongue in the jaw bone. It's their larger than average mandibular tori that they've had their entire lives but for whatever reason have just noticed it. They swear blind it wasn't there before. I show them pictures from years before if I have them that it was and they still seem dubious and don't believe me they've had it forever.
I once had a young black lady come in worried that her gums were "rotting" because they were darker in places. It was just pigment the same as you get in darker skin. But she'd never actually really looked at her gums before that closely to notice it.
I've shown people gum recession on their teeth that's 10mm+ and they seem surprised it's there and also that it's not normal.

Plus the OPs daughter is young. If she's never examined under her tongue before she may not have ever noticed it. so she sees a video on tiktok talking about tongue ties (the condition, not the lingual frenulum) and so she has a look and thinks oh! I have a tongue tie as it looks similar to what you've seen on the video. Because she's never really looked at her own let alone anyone else's to know that hers is normal.

Interesting because I think your comment is the one that wins the award for 'most unnecessary'.

OP has inferred she is medically trained. Perhaps she could confirm what her actual job is.

My middle son who is nearly 16 is anxious about his health.
He found a lump one night while showering. He was diagnosing himself on the Internet, had himself dead and buried. Which with Google is so easy to do.
I did take him to see the GP, by which time the lump was smaller. The GP did say they are seeing more and more young people with health anxiety.

I have a very slight lisp, I don’t notice it on myself nor do my parents (just the way I have always spoke!) It got noticed by others in school and I did get teased about it a little bit, not outright bullying I was pretty popular but enough that it did really bother me! Is something like this going on?

Pharmacists are trained in pharmacy. Some have a small amount of additional training in a few comments ailments “pharmacy first scheme” I’m willing to bet that does not include diagnosis of tongue tie

So we both have different experiences, great 😊 My intuition of the OP suggests she knows mouth anatomy. While her daughter may not know the terminology of her mouth, I would strongly believe she has seen this bit of skin before, unless of course she has never cleaned her teeth, flossed, or even looked in a mirror. Im not here to argue a point, I hope OP can get to the bottom of her daughters possible anxieties and possible tongue tie.

And yet here’s yours with completely no help at all 🤔