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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you need to overshare at work for your manager to like you?

26 replies

RealAquaLeader · 30/09/2024 18:00

It seems like to get on your manager’s good side or to have a better relationship with them, you have to open up about your personal life and share more than you usually would. Does anyone else feel pressured to overshare at work just to build rapport with their manager, or am I imagining this?

OP posts:
candlewhickgreen · 30/09/2024 18:02

Nope. I've never told a manager about my personal life unless it was about something like weekend plans.

Hatty65 · 30/09/2024 18:03

I imagine it depends on the manager. Some managers would loathe this and it would be career suicide to be pouring your heart out to them about your shit love life, or whatever.

WrylyAmused · 30/09/2024 18:04

Managers are people too, with the usual range of people's flaws.

Some, yes, that's probably true. Hasn't been something I've encountered in working life, but I'm sure there are some.

No need to feel obliged to though, it's perfectly reasonable to politely draw the boundary and stick to it.

Gizlotsmum · 30/09/2024 18:04

I don’t think you need to over share but I do think you need to let them get to know you. The best relationships I have had with managed have been when we have known a bit more than just work stuff about each other.

Imperfectionist · 30/09/2024 18:07

I think you need them to trust you.

And a shortcut to building trust ‘can’ be to share personal, relatable information. It also helps them to know you on a human level beyond your CV. Even more so if you’re a remote worker.

Perhaps a better way to build trust is by doing a brilliant job and being ultra professional but this can take a while, sometimes years, to accumulate. It can take longer to trust someone who is very private.

Certainly as a boss I’ve shared personal info - eg about my kids, my career path, my weekends, challenges juggling parenting and a career or in helping ageing parents - with my teams and reports which I know from their feedback helps them trust me because they know me better. They feel it helps them to be more open with me, too.

Tbskejue · 30/09/2024 18:11

No not at all but if I share when things are tricky at home then I get more support so it helps in that way

DoYouReally · 30/09/2024 18:33

Absolutely not in any professional

TidydeskTidymind · 30/09/2024 18:46

No need.

Just do a good job and be a supportive and effective colleague (work wise).

I don't need to know about your personal life.

Thanks

noodlecanoodle · 30/09/2024 18:51

I don't know

I work in a male dominated environment - all professionally qualified civil servants - we haven't recruited in forever so we've all managed to find things out about each other over the last years 🤷🏽‍♀️

My boss has been to my house for a cup of tea because he was passing and needed the toilet, I know his wife had a serious illness and what his daughter's boyfriend is called

Most of us are friends on FB but do I even particularly like any of them? Not overly

DriedFlowersLiveForever · 30/09/2024 19:06

I don't think you need to over share but you do probably need to share something of yourself.
People that are completely closed books are harder to get to know and don't always integrate well into the team. Does it really matter if you tell your colleagues about your stroll around the park with Fifi at the weekend? Probably not but it creates a bond when people know little snippets about your life outside of work.

newnamethanks · 30/09/2024 19:08

Absolutely not.

Yamantau · 30/09/2024 20:35

50/50 at times

Yamantau · 30/09/2024 20:36

expecially if you have an executive lunch with them for 1hr 30 mins on odd occasions

pinkroses79 · 30/09/2024 20:38

I don't think you have to at all. I don't mind sharing parts of my life but I usually ask other people about theirs instead, even managers.

WorkCleanRepeat · 30/09/2024 20:58

My current boss is not interested in small talk or my personal life. Just that I have a plan in place to get the job done and a contingency plan in case plan A fails.

I have had plenty of managers in the past that have known me more personally though.

It just comes down to the individuals.

VioletCharlotte · 30/09/2024 21:10

I'm a people manager. I don't think you need to overshare, but it is harder to get to know and like someone if they don't share anything about themselves. I can respect them professionally, based on their performance, but that's different to liking someone I guess. I have great relationships with all my team members, and all share details of their private lives, to varying degrees, but I wouldn't call it oversharing. I tell them things about my life too, it's how you build trust.

Kleptronic · 30/09/2024 21:24

I work as a manager and I'd be more than pleased if people didn't share stuff with me.

maddening · 30/09/2024 21:27

I think trust is a 2 way thing and if you are guarded in your working relationship then it is harder to trust that person - imo and ime

StrongbutTired00 · 30/09/2024 21:55

We all completely over share in my office (me more than most) and we are all very close, I would consider my boss a close friend outside of work. My work family know more about my personal life than most of my friends and family which I find normal seen as though I spend more time with them than anyone else in my life.

MasterBeth · 30/09/2024 21:57

RealAquaLeader · 30/09/2024 18:00

It seems like to get on your manager’s good side or to have a better relationship with them, you have to open up about your personal life and share more than you usually would. Does anyone else feel pressured to overshare at work just to build rapport with their manager, or am I imagining this?

No, I think that people like open, friendly people who are happy to talk about their lives and share their thoughts, not "more than they usually would "

WalkingaroundJardine · 30/09/2024 22:05

I have found that the best way to get a manager to feel comfortable with you and to trust you is to listen to them, ask them questions and only selectively share personal stuff. Keep personal opinions to a minimum, unless you both voraciously agree. Most of the time, I keep my mouth shut about what I really think. We aren’t friends, though our relationship is friendly and he is the best boss I have ever had.

My manager is someone who likes to keep his finger on the pulse and I notice how he friends everyone at work on SM. And he sometimes expresses opinions to me about what they post, which tells me to be very careful what I say and not to have workmates on SM. I am far more active on my family WhatApp. I live overseas so it’s lovely to keep up with UK family.

IDontHateRainbows · 30/09/2024 22:07

I'd say the opposite, as a lifelong oversharer.
I cringe looking back at how much I overshared at work when younger. Never did me any favours

Ineedanewsofa · 30/09/2024 22:11

As a manager I only need to know enough to know if a person is struggling to signpost to the right support/make reasonable adjustments.
I’ve got one of those faces though and more often than not people seek me out to unload on, even if they don’t work for me!

FasterMichelin · 30/09/2024 22:15

I'm a manager and hate it when my employees over share. A bit of friendly chat about the weekend, yes. 10 minutes on what their boyfriend has been up to, not so much. I tread carefully between creating and maintaining a friendly connection but not talking crap for too long.

Honestly, there's a lot of us out there who just want to get on with the day.

HiThereBatFace · 30/09/2024 22:58

Ugh, spare me the 'bring your whole self to work' thing.

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