To wonder if I should message one more time (to apologise)?

[JennaRink]

My friend of 10 years is blanking me and seems to have cut me off

When I visited last year we had a small argument which had been brewing. We hadn't seen each other in a year and she kept looking at her phone and messaging people when we were having dinner etc. Eventually I said it was extremely rude and could she stop.

Later on she answered a call from another friend who was crying about some argument she'd had with her partner.This went on and on, until I left the room. She came after me asking if I was upset and I said again it was rude, I was there as a visitor. She refused to apologize and I said she needed to take a look at herself. Not very kind I know.

Months later I've been ghosted. I messaged saying I'm still here for her as a friend but assume a ghosting and haven't heard. When I think about it maybe she's waiting for an apology from me? Should I leave it now or message once last time to apologise?

Why are you apologising if she’s the one being rude? You’re better off without people
who cannot
show you respect by giving you their attention when you make the effort to see them.

I would leave it.
She was rude and didn't own it.

What would you apologise for?

I know. I still feel she was rude.

One caveat is she had come out of a marriage the year before. So maybe not in the best head space.

At the same time I did sort of character assassinate her in her own home.

I told her she was out of order and to take a look at herself. That was maybe harsh.

When she tried to justify herself by asking she answered the phone to the friend having a problem as she would for me, I said id never do that.

She showed you with her actions how she feels about your friendship. Leave her be.

The world's a big place with lots of people in it. I would also abandon this friendship and move on.

That's quite bad of you tbh. It's ok for people to answer their phones. Fair enough the texting over dinner is a bit rude but the expectation she should speak to no one because you were visiting is unrealistic

Yeah I agree. I over reacted.

But she hasn't replied to my last two messages so do I even bother to apologize?

This is a friend that's been there for me for 2 big bereavements and shit relationships before current DP. I feel bad about all of it. Including how she can't be arsed to give me her attention anymore.

Were you visiting for a day/weekend/week?

Yes, apologise sincerely and say you value the friendship and would love to talk. Then let it go and don't message again.

@BrainLife 4 days.

The argument was on day 1. We'd both drank a lot too, bad idea.

The next 3 days were fine though. Or so I thought.

You did the right thing calling her out. She was incredibly rude. Move on OP and don’t look back!

I think it’s ok to apologise.

Sounds like you didn’t handle it in the best way either - approach could have been softer eg to friend ‘you seem to have a lot on. Can I help. Do I need to get out of your hair’.

I'm torn. If she's not replying she doesn't want to talk.

But I also haven't apologized.

Yes she was being rude herself and even said 'im not going to apologise'. It still wasn't for me to tell her how to behave.

Is it still ok to apologise even though she didn't reply to my last message?

At which point am I just hassling her. Though I don't intend to message again after this.

I wouldn’t apologise- as she hasn’t. It seems mutual. She’s obviously decided the friendships not for her and moved on. I wouldn’t be grovelling to her. She was rude, she’s cut you off , she doesn’t sound nice

The thing is she was never like this before.

She was one of the best friends I'd ever had and I mean that sincerely.

What if she was out of character because of her marriage ending and I just stuck the knife in?

The thing is how will I feel if I apologise and still hear nothing? There's nothing stopping her from saying she's upset with me. She clearly it but hasn't said it.

This happened to me. Ghosted over a minor thing. I thought I would apologise just to give a basis to possibly move forward, but the now-ex-friend never responded.

@muddyford do you regret sending the apology, knowing she never responded?

The thing is even if I'm better off - I still shouldn't have had a go during a low ebb.

Even if she was behaving in a shit way.

I think you should apologize for overreacting and explain to her that it felt a bit like she wasn’t keen to see you something like this. However only do this if you really want to do this. She might still ghost you, txt us not the same is talking in person.

No, I don't regret it. I did what I could to try to restore things. This was a decade ago and I still miss her friendship.

Oh just message. Good friends aren't that easy to come by.

Perhaps her other friend was always there when she was having a bad time and she felt obliged to return the favour?

Just say you are sorry you over reacted and that you miss her. Yes she was a bit rude too but I suspect there's some kind of undercurrent whereby she has taken it to heart in a way that wasn't intended.

If she doesn't reply at least you know you tried. What's one text versus wondering about this for years?
I don't see you are any worse off than now by sending it?

I’d message and ask if she’s expecting an apology, in which case you’ll gladly apologise in person. Tell her you value the friendship and miss her, and you really want to sort this out by seeing each other. If there’s no response to that it’s time to call it a day but you’ll know you’ve tried your best to fix things.