To take a sick day for mental health tomorrow?

[PrueHal]

Recently my mental health has been rough. Two months ago I took a week off work to get some relaxation in but 2 days in I caught covid and was pretty bad with it. So the holiday didn't feel like a holiday.

Work has been cracking the whip, think several late nights and early mornings. This is eating into my own business I've started which is gaining traction and also taking over my weekends.

On top of this the house is a tip and I'm so busy working I can't get on top of it. I thought I'd have to cancel plans with my partner on Sat because I felt so tearful and wrung out.

This weekend I broke out in hives on my left side which has happened twice in recent weeks for the first time ever. My partner is convinced this a stress response.

All this said I don't like lying! AIBU?

You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself. Your mental health is just as important as your physical, and your DH is correct, the hives is probably a stress response.

Just call in sick- you don't need to give a reason. Take a couple of days to de-stress and to make a plan x

I think people are objecting because you are blaming it on a mental health issue when it is a life style issue. Very full on job + children + starting your own business. That is just not sustainable unless your partner is a SAHP and even then I probably wouldn’t have the energy.

Not a criticism of the OP but a comment which may help others. I used to manage in the NHS and the line was that if you were on annual leave and became ill for long enough to self cert or you needed to see a doctor then you could call in sick and have your annual leave reinstated.

I think if you are poorly during holiday leave you can put a request in to claim the holiday back and have those days classed as sick leave instead (may need a dr note though )

Doesn't help you now but incase it happens again it’s worth looking into.

Your recent bout of Covid should have been changed to sick leave & you AL given back to you.

Self certify with a stomach bug.

rest.

decide how you're going to deal with things until your 'side line' is doing well enough to take the leap. Put some boundaries in place for yourself for your current job.

can you afford to get a cleaner?

The way I read it OP was able to juggle both when she was working her regular paid hours. It's now that the expectation has changed to working significantly longer unpaid overtime, that she is struggling to do both.

OP I don't know what line of work you're in and how much you're getting paid. My rule of thumb is if you're on higher rate tax ( teachers, nurses excluded before anyone piles in) then a certain amount of unpaid overtime is likely to be expected , if lower than that I would be pushing back quite a bit for at least TOIL if the extra hours are significant and sustained.

@ClairDeLaLune

I have no doubt you would.

However, unless she's blabbing to her colleagues that's she's not actually unwell or pasting party pictures on Facebook it's going to be very hard for them to prove she's not unwell.

My employer has very strict rules about what they term ‘secondary employment’ and you need to sign a declaration that it will not interfere with your primary employment, otherwise, you become in breach of your contract. Claiming paid sick leave from them because you have overworked yourself in your secondary employment would be looked upon very poorly indeed.

I think you’ve already made up your mind OP but I don’t think you can say it’s for mental health reasons when it seems more like it’s just you are exhausted from running a business and working a stressful job at the same time.

My DH has recently had to sack an employee because they were running a business on the side and calling in “sick” most Mondays to recover. You will find this with your own business that anyone that lets you down will put more pressure on you/your other employees. It’s quite a shitty thing to do and frankly if you can’t take a mental health day for your fledgling business you shouldn’t be taking one for your salaried job.

If you need some time off to get back on track then take it, it’s not up to others on this thread to decide whether it’s overload or mental health you know yourself best. It shouldn’t be this way but if you only need a day or two just consider saying you have a bug to stop people judging (as is evident on this thread!).

I find peoples attitude towards paid employment odd. A job in not the center of everything, you don’t have to organise your life so you’re at the best for your job at the expense of everything else.

If a job is overloading due to pressure, stress, being made to work unwanted overtime you really shouldn’t have to stop doing things outside of work to accommodate it. The issues with the job need to be addressed by your employer.

If you were working your normal job with no issues, going home on time and then throwing yourself in to your business of and an evening and weekend and after that saying you couldn’t do your employed job and needed to go off sick it’d be different but that’s not what you have said.

Good luck with your business OP!

100%.

By all means take the day, take 2 if you need it.

But do use this time to reflect on what you can change going forward. I think the difficulty is that when you’re doing too much it becomes impossible to work out what’s mental health and what’s just normal levels of being knackered because you don’t get a day off. If your business is taking up more time than you thought then can you ask to go part time/ compressed hours in your main job (if necessary making some economies at home). Agree with outsourcing cleaning if you can afford it. Maybe take the day to have a massive de-clutter so the house is easier to keep tidy. Do partner and kids pull their weight at home?

Just remember the main job is what’s paying your bills, until that changes you do need to be fair to them and protect yourself- if you know your mental health is fragile then you do also have a responsibility not to take on too much and risk it.

@Raina09 @Heronwatcher two great posts, thank you

Yes as it all gets on top of me it becomes harder to work out exactly why I am feeling so bad.

As it stands I didn't take the day and instantly regret it. I'm still exhausted but I have important meetings today, so I am considering taking a different day.

I actually think one day is not the betrayal some think it is on this thread.

Clearly I need to sit down and make a plan to get back on track. I can't go on like this.

Also a few people mentioned shingles but this definitely looks like hives to me? How can you tell

When I had it 2 weeks ago half my lower arm was swollen and red

If you've been getting 8 hours sleep and not off work sick in 18 + months a day or two is not going to look bad and will hopefully get you back on track.

Will depend on your sick leave policy but often up to 5 days as a single absence goes down better than a few single days here and there too.

Worth revaluating, outsourcing and a discussion with your boss around working hours/stresses. I have done what you are and sounds like you may be at a crossroads with your business. If your employed job is piling the pressure on you need to be certain what's work related stress that exceeds what you should expect from your grade/pay/contracted hours and what's overload from having too many plates spinning before you take any big decisions.

Of course you can call in sick with mental health issues that aren't work related, and it's not just about being incapable of doing the work today, it could be about making sure you're capable of doing the work in the future, rather than pushing yourself into a breakdown.

I had five weeks off with stress a couple of years ago. Work was part of what was causing the stress, but the main thing was dealing with my, at the time not yet diagnosed, autistic son who was having a terrible time.

Each to their own, I am rarely off sick so if I need to be off I don't feel any guilt 🤷‍♀️

Wow, I see this topic has brought out all the judgemental see you next Tuesdays. Can't believe some of you have the audacity to question someone's state of mental health, mental health is as important, if not more so, than physical health.
As for those slating OP's business (I believe a particularly pleasant person called it 'unviable' earlier), it's clearly jealousy. It's not OP's fault you're in a job you hate, be like her and do something about it!

I took the day today. I feel the same level of exhaustion as when I've had viruses in the past and feel no guilt seeing as I actually feel unwell.

I knew straight away when I woke up I couldn't take on the day ahead in my current state. I'm still tired but feeling slightly refreshed already.

It's a one off to get myself sorted.