To take a sick day for mental health tomorrow?

[PrueHal]

Recently my mental health has been rough. Two months ago I took a week off work to get some relaxation in but 2 days in I caught covid and was pretty bad with it. So the holiday didn't feel like a holiday.

Work has been cracking the whip, think several late nights and early mornings. This is eating into my own business I've started which is gaining traction and also taking over my weekends.

On top of this the house is a tip and I'm so busy working I can't get on top of it. I thought I'd have to cancel plans with my partner on Sat because I felt so tearful and wrung out.

This weekend I broke out in hives on my left side which has happened twice in recent weeks for the first time ever. My partner is convinced this a stress response.

All this said I don't like lying! AIBU?

Sounds like you’ve taken on too much. Something has to give. Not sure what your work sickness is like, but if you’ve not had a sick day in a while just say you’re feeling unwell and will be off sick

I think everyone is being a bit harsh. What the poster does in her own time is up to her. Workplaces never put their employees first, so why should employees put the bottom line of their employers first? All workers are replaceable. If you’re paid to do 37 hrs a week and you are expected to do more without TOIL or extra pay the company doesn’t care about you.

Think of the day off as TOIL and be vague about what’s wrong. I agree that if you could hire a cleaner or find other ways to lessen the domestic burden you should. But for your own mental heath not so that you are a better employee for a company that cracks the whip.

Good luck with building your business and if/ when you get to the stage where you need to hire staff treat them better than your employers have treated you!

yabu

You can’t do everything OP. Ask your boss to use up some paid time off, ask to claw back the overtime you have done etc. But don’t call in sick for mh reasons unless you can squarely and legitimately blame the pressure from absorbing your fired colleague’s work. Are you truly unwell enough to be incapable of working, not just feeling a bit tired and grizzly? No one is on top form every day, that doesn’t mean we take a duvet day.

Work isn’t supposed to be a breeze, that’s why it is called work. Labour is hard on your body and taxing on your soul, you have to build resilience and use you spare time to recover (not build a separate business).

How will you feel in a few years time when your business has taken off and one of your employees fails to attend an important meeting as they have prioritised the needs of their own start up?
I appreciate your job has been cracking the whip but it sounds as though that is part & parcel of the role. The fact that you have overloaded yourself doesn't make your exhaustion your employer's problem. If you can't manage both, you either need to resign or ask for a period of (unpaid) leave to focus on your own business. Alternatively, explain to your partner that you will need to spend less time with him for the time being.

It's up to her what she does, yes, but if it prevents her doing her actual job then it's not exactly a good long term plan.

It's not possible to take off from my new business which is just taking off.

so you are not too unwell to work?

Stress and feeling these emotions is a normal part of life. When you're busy, you feel a certain way, especially if you're not getting through what you need to.

You need to just get on with it I'm afraid, I would have cancelled plans at the weekend as for me, I'd feel worse having not sorted everything else out.

Take today if you need it, but don't make a habit of it. Manage your time better (easier said than done I know) and don't label it mental health 😖

The issue isn’t an inability to do her job, the issue is her employer not being adequately staffed for her to do her job in the hours she’s contracted. I’d argue she has already gone above and beyond if she has been working early mornings and late nights.

Why should she and her colleagues have to pick up the slack, for managements bad planning? Of course, every once in a while you might have to put extra hours in, but this sounds like it’s been building for a while?

There is no point killing yourself and making work your identity when you could easily be made redundant.

You will doubtless get a range of responses on here but no, don’t take a mental health day. Take two or three. One sick day isn’t really enough when you’re that stressed. Stress is a poison. Better to take a couple of days to recover than end up being signed off for two weeks.

Stress and feeling these emotions is a normal part of life.

Prolonged stress will ultimately kill you. It’s a spectrum.

Agree.

I just called in sick today. I have long standing mental health issues and work is constantly making them worse. I had a huge breakdown a year ago and now I am always very careful to spot the early signs that I am getting overwhelmed again.

I seem to have caught some kind of stomach/winter bug and I really need to rest.

So my point is if you are poorly don't hesitate to take the time you need to get better.

As for your business if your current work is causing you stress it is a good idea to go the self-employed way...

There are always people on these type of threads that will tell you they have never taken a day off sick in 10 year... good for them but everyone's body and mind are different and your health is more important than anything else.

'@wickerlady
Stress and feeling these emotions is a normal part of life. When you're busy, you feel a certain way, especially if you're not getting through what you need to.
You need to just get on with it I'm afraid'

This is such a damaging black and white view of the world. Sustained stress does a lot of damage to the body and mind and can be a killer. it raises the risk of high blood pressure, heart attacks and strokes. You only have one body and mind and one life, you can always get another job. This type of comment also just reinforces the stigma that people with long term mental health issues can face.

YABU to take a day off to rest because your side business is causing you to work in the weekend. If you can't cope with both, see if you can negotiate a four day week on 80% of pay.

I think it’s fine to take an occasional mental health day if you need one.

But I do think it’s reasonable to ask whether you can sustain both your job and your side hustle if it’s putting this much pressure on you.

Over time if you try to juggle both you are both putting pressure on your own health and potentially inconveniencing your colleagues so I think you need to figure out what your priorities are.

Take the time off sick but don't state it's for mental health. Make an appointment today or asap with your doctor as it sounds like you have shingles, which I believe can be aggravated by stress.

If it is then take the full time off for recovery. Do what you need to for your own business but try to time box it, forget about anything beyond the absolute basics in the house for now.

When you go back to work, stop working longer hours by pushing back on them. If you have a good reputation generally and do a hood job, they won't want to lose you.

"Two months ago I took a week off work to get some relaxation in"

Sorry but you're just taking the piss.

This was annual leave I think.

@aurynne well done for taking my quote out of context.

I hadn't taken a week off work in a long time and then caught covid 2 days in to that break. There's nothing 'taking the piss' about legal annual leave time.

If you’re unwell you need to take a day of work, and get checked tgat you’ve not got shingles.

However you need to not do any work at all on your business today. If you do you’ll be incredibly disrespectful to your employer. Yes they are overworking you, but two wrongs doesn’t make a right.

You need to have a long hard think about the way forward. You can not do what you are attempting to do anymore (work full time and do another business in the spare hours). You either need to cut back your hours at work or cut back on your business, otherwise you’ll fail at both and end up burnt out and unable to work for months.

@PrueHal so did you decide to take today off?

YANBU but sounds like you need a longer term solution than a day of rest! Can you get home help? Treat yourself to a cleaner now and then? Can you (and others who have absorbed additional duties) speak to your manager?

It is nothing to do with ‘mental health’.

You are tired because you are trying to run a (probably against your work contract) business on the side and fit in a social life.

I apologise, I took that to be that you had taken a week off for mental health just 2 months ago

Take a few days off, Monday - day of rest and planning, Tuesday - day of action, Wednesday - day of batch cooking.

Something like that might help. Also I'd maybe see if you can get an appointment with GP, re hives and how you're feeling.

See if a friend can visit as sometimes someone on the outside can see what you can't and can be objective in their ideas.

Whatever you do, when you return to work, only do your contractual hours and no more and explain you're unable to work extra.

Good luck. Put you first, there's always other jobs, there's only one you x

That is defrauding your employer. If I was your employer and found out you’d done that I’d fire you. Better to live long enough to enjoy retirement and look back and be proud you’ve lived a life of honesty and integrity.