Is this normal?

[afreshbouquetofpencils]

DS has just started year 4.

He cries at every drop off. He doesn’t cling to me like he used to as a small child, but he finds leaving me so hard even now. He gets very emotional at goodbyes generally and definitely feels things deeply.

He’s definitely not being bullied, he’s very happy at school.

I’ve always wondered if this level of emotion is “normal”, for want of a better word?

It wouldn’t be common no op, what is he 8 or 9? Do you have other concerns about his development?

It would be incredibly unusual in my experience for a child in year 4 to cry in a morning let alone at every drop off.

I would be surprised to see or hear of a child doing it and there not be additional considerations such as neurodivisity.

Thanks both for your honest answers. When I say cry, I don’t mean the full sobbing that small kids do but yes, tears a lot of the time (most days) and again at other goodbyes.

No other concerns, other than his emotions more generally. He feels everything very deeply. Otherwise he’s sociable, clever, sleeps well, eats well, behaves well.

He is 8.5.

Have you talked to him about what’s going on?

I mean, what exactly it is he’s feeling?

It’s sadness at the separation. He and I are very close. He doesn’t tend to cry when DH drops him, and never when it’s the childminder. Just me!

If he doesn't cry when anyone else is dropping off I'd be inclined to think he's doing it because he knows he will get a reaction from you to be honest and would be making an effort to get others to drop him off for a while to break the cycle.

I don’t think it’s that, to be honest. I think it’s genuine sadness at the separation. He loves his dad but they’re not as close.

Well, ask him if there’s anything you can both do to help when you’re dropping him. Some form of words, note in lunchbox, a reminder you’ll see him in exactly x hours? Something he can suggest?

Obviously isn't not normal for a child of that age to cry when they go to school, or even when they leave their mother.

You need to discuss with him how to handle this situation. Maybe don't do drop offs for a while, so he breaks the habit.

To be honest I was hoping others would say their DC are like this too! My younger isn’t like this. DS is just very…emotional and sensitive. That’s the only way I can describe it. He cries at films too.

What about when he leaves you to go to other places with other people? Or is it just leaving you at school drop off?

There's something going on at school. DS started getting upset about going to school at the same age. It was bullying by the Y4 teacher. She had a track record. It all came out. After a meeting with the Head it never happened again. He left at the end of Y4. She left two years later. Nobody had dared complain about her before. We could because we had choices.

If he’s going somewhere with friends or family, he’s usually excited so he’s fine. But if we are visiting relatives he won’t see again for a while, he’ll have a little cry. Again I need to stress not a huge big sob, but a cry at the goodbye.

And if I’m away for the weekend, he doesn’t want me to go. And might have a little cry, or just be a bit sad. He is, still at this age, a huge mummy’s boy.

I know what you’re saying as I would think the same, but really he loves school, he’s happy there. I know his teacher well, he’s absolutely fine once he’s there. It’s just that first goodbye.

My now 11yo was a bit like this at age 8. Now he is at secondary we have had to work really hard to get him confidence enough to walk home. We suspect my son has ASD and I know that can impact how some children find transitions. Otherwise, I think some children are just sensitive, gentler souls. He won't be like it forever, I would just give him the support he needs until he grows out of it,

Are you away a lot?

Just trying to think why he might be so upset?

Is it that you are away a lot, and therefore he genuinely does miss you

Aw he sounds a lovely boy x

Have you read The Highly Sensitive person? Might be something that resonates and is helpful.

Bless him I am sure there isn't anything wrong. He does sound sensitive, a deep feeler. Perhaps he'll be an artist or musician?

I think this is normal. My child has gone through similar, a bit teary when I dropped them off but not with Dad. It was a phase for a month or so. Teacher came to ask me if anything was going on at home etc as child settled after about 10 mins and was fine in school. Have you spoken to school about it? Only thing we could think of was child was getting tired and knew they’d get more sympathy and hugs with me if they got a bit clingy at drop off.
Speak to school and if all okay hopefully just a phase and you can work on positive chat before drop off

He is definitely an HSP!

No, not away a lot at all. In fact we spend almost all of our time together, other than if he is at a sports club (loves sports) or grandparents’.

My DD was.

She's autistic, very very subtle presentation ('sensitive' and anxious). Also experiences big separation anxiety from me now at age 13

I was like this why I was eleven and had just started secondary. Used to worry something might happen to Mum and I'd never see her again. Completely unfounded worries.
She just supported me with lots of love until it passed. It didn't help that we were reading a sad animal story in class and I used to cry about that.
Just wanted my Mum.
It will pass OP. And Mym lived until her late 80s xx