Is this normal?

[afreshbouquetofpencils]

DS has just started year 4.

He cries at every drop off. He doesn’t cling to me like he used to as a small child, but he finds leaving me so hard even now. He gets very emotional at goodbyes generally and definitely feels things deeply.

He’s definitely not being bullied, he’s very happy at school.

I’ve always wondered if this level of emotion is “normal”, for want of a better word?

This has always been the case rather than new, otherwise as you say I would worry something specific had happened. I hope he grows out of it soon!

My 10yo is the same but is diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. But doesn't do a little cry, it's more of a massive meltdown.... so I've lost touch with what is meant to be normal and what isn't, but if it's any comfort (probably not) I'd see a little cry as a win!

Sorry to hear that @LauraMipsum that must be so hard. I hope your boy grows out of it soon too

If there are no additional needs or anxiety, I'd be inclined to think you need to encourage him to have a bit more independence from you. It's lovely that you're so close and he clearly loves you very much, and there's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but to cry every time you drop him off is a bit much. I'd be concerned that he might start to get bullied about it if it carries on when he's older. Have you asked him why he gets so upset at the separation? Is he worried about something happening to you?

OP didn't say that it impedes his independence, though. Just that he sheds a little tear - which I'm sure he could work out how to disguise/hide if it bothers him other people seeing it.

TBH I think I was probably about this sensitive at 10 I didn't cry on school mornings, but I remember really struggling one performance that my mum wasn't able to make it to and I didn't like it if she came to school for some reason and had to go away again. I also didn't cope very well with overnight visits - sleepovers I had to be picked up from and then only got into them later in my teens, with friends I was extremely comfortable with.

I went on the French Exchange in Y10 and was an emotional mess the entire time D: even going away with college aged 16 I was upset and homesick on the first night - then the second night I discovered alcohol and this cured everything NOT that I would suggest that as a strategy!

Anyway, I have gone on to do lots of independent things like moved out of home aged 18, applied for various things and done various things I didn't feel confident about, left an unhealthy relationship of my own accord, and moved abroad when I was 25. So I reckon he will grow out of it and you don't need to push him into that, he will do it when he is ready.

Thank you so much @BertieBotts . I don’t think it affects his independence as he does many extra curricular activities happily.

As you say, he's fine leaving others, so he clearly understands the concept of separation, but maybe you're right and he is just sensitive.

If he isn't incredibly distressed, could you have a wee routine? Maybe (and this is just a silly suggestion) matching wristbands that you press together when you're leaving and say 'see you soon!' or something similar?

I don't have kids myself but I was a wee bit like your son at a similar age, especially with regard to my older sister. She came up with the system I've described above and it worked for us.

Thanks @AffIt xx