Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to burst my sisters bubble??

36 replies

macdoodle · 21/04/2008 21:47

Feel a bit bad TBH - my little sis (10 years younger we are very close talk every day best friends really) - got back from paris and ski trip in France - engaged
But says she and new fiancee have thought they would like to get married in the ski resort in France ok thinks I makes supportive noises thinking just excited etc
But they seem serious - have asked the resort to hold 3 chalets have list of 40 people they want to invite have looked into how flowers etc etc ...
But they would expect people to pay for accom/food £450/person for a week (chalets can only be booked a week)...PLUS flights PLUS extras like skiing if you want (it is a ski resort there is nothing else to do there)...
So personally not impressed - I have 2 DD who will be 7 and 1 at time of planned nuptials will be bridesmaids....so I am not fan skiing and baby will only be 1 but DD1 will want to so will have ski hire/lessons etc...gonna cost me a fortune PLUS outfits/presents/and said I would pay for the cake ....
Also pointed out to her some of her friends are not high earnes have small kids - perhaps they won't fancy a weeks ski holiday as there only expensive holiday - my mum is skint so she(or me) would have to pay for her......
Just sounds like a bloody stupid over excited ill thought out idea to me ....and as we are close and honest I point the above out to her and she sounds sooooo deflated and says will discuss with fiancee
So now I think I should have just been supportive and left it up to them but she said they needed to confirm the chalets within 2 weeks and was worried they would and then discover all the implications !! So AIBU should I just have shut up????

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 21/04/2008 21:50

No, as much as you need to be excited for her, if there is just no way it is doable then you had to say.

Try and help her find other more reasonable ideas (possibly just Paris would be cheaper?)

squeaver · 21/04/2008 21:52

Don't stress about it - I bet you won't be the last person to tell her it's unfeasible

isaidno · 21/04/2008 21:52

I think you are being realistic; it does sound like she hasn't thought through the whole plan.

Eve34 · 21/04/2008 21:53

You have done the right thing, it is great idea but practically for most it is a lot of money to go to a wedding, If I was paying for such a holiday I would want sun shine and beach, not skiing.

SheWillBeLoved · 21/04/2008 21:53

Does she know about the laws in France regarding non locals getting married there?

VoluptuaGoodshag · 21/04/2008 21:55

No your are just being realistic and as close sisters if you didn't say what you think, that would be worse IMO!

It sounds a wonderful idea but just not workable

jellyrolly · 21/04/2008 21:55

Surely it's better to point out all the flaws now, even in the first flush of engagement happiness?

I think YANBU; imagine how worried you and your family would be if you hadn't said anything and the expensive day got nearer.

I'm sure you will support her in every way you can as you sound like you have a lovely relationship.

My DH has lots of rich friends and we are always getting invited to expensive hen/stag/weddings abroad. It ends up being about the worry of the money and not the event itself.

snookie28 · 21/04/2008 21:56

Does she realise that her or hubbie to be will have to be resident in France for 30 days before the ceremony?

isaidno · 21/04/2008 21:57

If 40 people all agreed to go the accomodation bill would be nearly £20 grand!

squeaver · 21/04/2008 21:58

Snookie's answer's your way out!

mazzystar · 21/04/2008 21:58

Its better they think it through now though - it would be worse to go ahead and then skint themselves and everyone they know, or worse have very few of their friend and family be able to go.

Original poster
macdoodle · 21/04/2008 22:01

Yup thats right when she pointed it out to fiancee he said no prob they would pay for it they can't afford it - she is copper he is freelance animator.....
Don't know about the particalities she said they had discussed it all with the owners of the resort who were holding the chalets for them....
I feel really bad as I adore her and would do anything for her ...but for personally this would be hard work - I am single mum will be back at work and will cost me a fortune....and cannot see how her friends and some of our family can afford it...
Will ring her later and see how they feel about it now just feel I took the shine off all her excitment

OP posts:
snookie28 · 21/04/2008 22:05

Show her this article detailing the requirements including the 30 day resident requirement.

www.ambafrance-au.org/article.php3?id_article=1120

Not sure she should be taking advice on the legalities and bureaucracy from the chalet owner

Original poster
macdoodle · 21/04/2008 22:10

thank you that helps

OP posts:
Wizzska · 22/04/2008 10:37

Macdoodle - you're right to point it out. It's a shame to take the gloss off her excitement but someone would have to tell her. You may have avoided lots of resentment from friends and family further down the line and perhaps it would have tainted her wedding day too.

Twiglett · 22/04/2008 10:46

I am pretty certain you have to live in france for 4 - 6 weeks before you can marry there

Italy is different though

be supportive, tell her whatever she feels is right but that you won't be able to go on a skiing break .. or at least you won't be able to bring the children

Twiglett · 22/04/2008 10:47

look at weddingsabroad site .. they have all requirements

CountessDracula · 22/04/2008 10:48

Can't you stay in a hotel fi you want to go for a shorter time?

FYIAD · 22/04/2008 10:51

I definitely would have pointed all that out. But my sister also thinks I am bossy old bag so she is used to it.

PotPourri · 22/04/2008 10:52

Why not duggest that she has a tiny wedding there and then a big party back at home as the reception. That way she can have the best of both.

mum2sons · 22/04/2008 10:53

YANBU, just realistic. She is in a romantic haze at the moment and will realise this wont work.

My sister is getting married next year and wanted to do it in Italy, have 100 guests and hire a massive castle. Sounded all lovely and she was set on it until working out that hiring the castle would have been 30K per DAY !!

cmotdibbler · 22/04/2008 11:00

YANBU - just realistic. I would be really annoyed to be expected to spend 450 quid just for accomodation, take week off work, trail to ski resort for a wedding, when I don't want to ski or take holiday then.

GrapefruitMoon · 22/04/2008 11:08

YANBU. I personally HATE the current trend for getting married abroad and expecting all the guests to trail off their and fork out an unreasonable amount of money to be there.

In my day, young lady, people generally only got married abroad if they had reasons to want a very quiet wedding (like a recent bereavement) and only immediate family went, or just witnesses....

katwith3kittens · 22/04/2008 11:11

Cant they just go there for their honeymoon ?

Original poster
macdoodle · 22/04/2008 11:12

Just spoke to her - she sounds a bit deflated TBH
But her best friend who is lovely also pointed out that it would be a bit unfair on everyone so at least I have some support...
She says fiancee is still really keen - he is lovely but quite self centred (typical man).....pointed her to the legal requirements thanks for that
Ho hum will have to go with DD's if thats what she decides even though I hate the cold and the thought of a ski resort feels me with dread ...was soooooo looking forward to her wedding and was sooooo proud now I feel a bit cheesed off - oh joy weddings are just a pain aren't they .....

OP posts: