10 year olds accessing pornhub :/

[Abb111]

So my 11 year old DD came home from playing with outside with some friends and told me in confidence that two of her younger mates had been accessing pornhub. They didn't do it infront of her or the other kids present but it was mentioned and the boys were laughing about it. We had (several) chats about it and discussed why watching porn is not a great idea. She seems OK about everything but has asked me not to tell on her friends.

So I am at a bit of a loss about how to proceed. On the one hand I don't want to break her confidence as it could damage our relationship. It would be impossible to alert the mums witout mentioning my DD and no saying if they would tell their kids she snitched on them. On the other hand I worry about the boys and the impact this might have on spreading the use of porn in their school. It's a very small school which my DD also goes to.

If I dod approach the boys mothers Iam apprehensive about how they might react. Internet rules for the kids vary greatly in our community and I am known for being quite strict. So a bit worried they would receive my hearts up as some massive critisism.

I did think of speaking to the school and asking them to step in. Not telling them the names of the boys but just that this is happening in the class. They could then potentially alert the parents...

I could off course do nothing and mind my own business! I discussed this with my DH who thinks I should keep out of it but it doesn't sit right with me. If this was my kid I'd want to know....

So what would you do?

1. Tell the mums privately one on one
2. Tell the school and hope they handle it
3. Do nothing

I would tell school and the Mums (in case they are useless and do nothing). So damaging.

Tell the school and the parents.

I'd also tell the school and let them deal with it.
It's interesting as I have a child the same age and the other day he asked me what it was as one of his friends had mentioned it. I was shocked that kids that age knew anything about it!

I would probably recommend 1 & 2...

I think it should be everyone's business to ensure teens and pre-teens get as many opportunities as possible to discuss online porn with an appropriate adult, who is then able to provide a good counter-narrative to what they may have seen. (Which is just what you have just done with DD!)

Unfortunately at the moment, few people want to take responsibility for this and many are in denial how easily accessible hardcore online pornography is to young children.

If you'd like some pointers how to start 'the talk', this free online parents programme about talking with young people about porn is worth a look Culture Reframed Parents Programme

I would explain to DD that when safety is involved you can't keep things secret. I would then report to the school safeguarding team (naming the boys) as they may be aware of other concerns. The boys won't know your DD said anything.

Make sure your daughter stops hanging out with these kids.

I had a similar situation once. Do nothing was not an option. My thinking was that I was now involved and if it came out that I knew and said nothing - well what kind of parent am I. I told the other kids mum and the school. The mum was relieved I told her.

Tell the school. Every single week in my primary school we have issues around phones to deal with - porn, bullying, inappropriate photos etc. We always follow it up and take it very seriously.

My son at 8 had a good friend 2 years older, my DS was distraught one evening and told me his friend had shown him porn(did not use that word as too young) We were both very upset as you can’t unsee something and it took his total innocence away.
I did go and discuss this with his Mum, it was quite a few years ago before everyone realised what a terrible place the internet could be.
I am just so glad your DD told you and the boys didn’t show her the stuff.

Tell school and name the kids. The school can talk to the parents and you and your DD can keep your names away from the situation.

Ooof what a horrible situation OP!
On the one hand, I’m sure you’re relieved that your DD felt she could come and talk to you. And I totally get why you wouldn’t want to undermine that relationship you have with her.
I would explain to her that this is very serious and you’re going to have to at least tell the school but that she wont get ‘found out’ and the school should handle it in a way where they don’t make it obvious it has come from you and her.
I honestly despair. Watching porn at that age!!

I would tell school and let them handle it. Had the same on my DS school last year (10/11-year olds talking about pornhub). My DS told me it was 3 boys who had unlimited internet access and smartphones while mine and most others got theirs when starting secondary. It is a huge problem because these sites destroy the boys and also the girls by the way they are pictured. Schools need to step in since some parents just don't care.

No good will come from telling the dps.. Speak to school.. And no more contact between dd and the dc.. Dd was encouraged to drink alcohol at a sleepover. The dm justified her reasoning via a heated text conversation.. Dd wasn't to see her dd again I told her. School were horrified. She worked with SN dc and her dh is a pillar of our community.. . I told school..
The dc were 12...

Tell the school, name the children - being exposed to inappropriate sexual content is a big safeguarding issue.

If the mums are receptive and likely to be shocked then I'd tell them too, if they are likely to get defensive and take it out on you then Id leave it to school. "I just overheard your little James talking about Pornhub, goodness knows where he got that from I know you're on top of your parents controls but you might want to have a chat with him when he comes in. I bet it's those big kids" IE compliment their parenting skills and deflect but get the point across.

DD needs to know (and you shouldn't have promised) that when someone is on danger either physically or through what they are accessing on device the adults have to step in and make adult decisions Nd that he did the exact right thing.

I would anonymously report to the school.

I know safety comes first but it's likely that in the course of your daughter's life other even more dangerous things will occur and you want her to feel able to share with you without fear of it getting back to her friends. If one of the mums told their child who it was that shared the information, your daughter is at risk of being targeted for that. Unfortunate but true. X

This.

2

Tell the school, it could be a safeguarding issue.

@Thirdleg absolutely isto do with the school and needs a refresher on internet safety assemblies and potentially logged as a safeguarding issue if there is a history of similar access to inappropriate things or inappropriate sexual behaviour for any of the named children. It's one thing if children have been exposed to it from older children /teens at school - obviously not ideal but equally it's a grooming technique for sexual abuse so if there are already concerns about the boys it'll add to the full picture.

The bigger picture is how easy this stuff is to access - you press a button - no proof of age is required! Nothing other than a button / yes I’m over 18! ID or credit card as proof of age should be the minimum to access this harmful content! The social media bill is pathetic - write to your mp - get them to action change!

Do 1 and 2.

Utterly grim. This is why kids do not need smartphones.

Of course there is but not all parents use it.
This is why I am in favour of a blanket ban on smart phones for U16s. You can lock down your child’s phone as much as you like but all it’ll take is one child whose parent doesn’t give a damn enough to show your child the things they have been looking at, or to send them via text to your child and the damage is already done

Report it to the school - they can keep it anonymous and protect your DD.