Such a sad way to end what should have been a lovely holiday, but also what a dreadful discussion.
OP - what is your objective?
I get that a couple of nights ago you were upset (understatement), distraught, & on your own. Coming here was probably the only way to get the anonymous support you badly needed. I hope that you felt that you got it, and it saw you through such a dreadful night.
But 2 days later you need to realise that most of the replies that you got were from people motivated by their own story, their history not yours. What you need now is the answers that apply to you and to him, not the ones that apply to some other remote couple with other issues. Some of the advice that you got was good, some was downright awful - please take your own path.
Please be clear about what you want to achieve, if you want a grovelling apology and to rub his nose in it, then go for it, but be clear about the objective. If you want things to carry on as they were before this disaster, then be clear that this is an acceptable outcome. If you want to make a life change to ensure the success of your marriage then accept that you both need to acknowledge what happened, you both need to acknowledge your own part in it, and you both need change together. If you cannot carry on from this point then start trying to make a success of a separation - this will be just as daunting a challenge as any of the other options.
Whichever path you take, please try to get as much help & support as you can.
I expect to draw some flack for saying "accept that you both need to acknowledge what happened, you both need to acknowledge your own part in it, and you both need change together". Clearly you are a victim in the story as presented, and so it seems very unfair that you are asked to shoulder an equal burden in solving a problem not of your making. This comes back to your objective. Only you know your hopes and expectations for this relationship when you got married, and how much it was worth fighting for. My guess is that you were committed, and meant it when you said:
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part
This is clearly a "Sickness and Health" moment. You are at a crossroads with no easy choice, but I send you best wishes for whichever path you choose.