To not want to buy Christmas gifts

[ChristmaschaosAgain]

It's just that really. It is an expensive time, I have my young dcs to buy for, food, dh's birthday (a big one). I'm just sick of the stress of trailing through busy shops and buying for the sake of it.
I have a sibling I want to tell that I'd prefer to exchange cards only. How do I go about this? Even token gifts get out of hand, can be over spent on, and become expensive, chocolate and wine etc. It all seems a bit pointless. My sibling is fussy, with expensive taste, and wouldn't be enthralled with what I'd get. Likewise, I don't like the last minute expensive things bought back. They're never my taste and are donated. It seems that we can just both avoid wasting money.

How do I go about telling my sibling I don't want to do gifts? I prefer cards only, even on my birthday, this was not listened to and an elaborate gift was given. This had to be donated, expensive perfume and chocolates that weren't my taste. My sibling doesn't have dcs, and if buys for mine I feel I have to buy back, and then it gets into this situation. It is the way I am, I can receive a gift and not give one in return. I don't want to hear its okay, I want to do it still. I want to keep is simple this year.

I don't like the fuss.

Tell her, but tell her NOW, not in another few weeks when she may have already bought gifts.

My DBro feels as you do so at his request we don't swap gifts anymore. I rather miss it as I liked choosing something for him, but he hates the whole gift shopping palaver and the point of a gift is not to add to someone's stress levels.

You just do it. You tell everybody.

I stopped sending cards and stopped presents for the kids when in their teens.

Don't send presents to cousin s,nephews,nieces,.
This was because they used to stand beside me at computer and point to things they wanted on Amazon etc. so we talked about it and scaled it right down.
I stopped making Xmas food that nobody liked , e.g Xmas pud,mince pies and just got stuff they actually like , i.e.chicken,stuffing, chocolate pudding
Still do a tree and candles and a cosy fire , but a lot less stress all round.
Oh and we started going to church on Christmas eve and got into the meaning of that.

Would you consider a compromise? Might be tricky given their expensive taste but could you suggest you go out for a meal or a spa day (each paying for their own treatments) instead of exchanging gifts? Spend some quality time together, maybe extending to other family members?

I only do gifts for my kids plus one uncle type figure who doesn't have family to treat him. Its such a relief.

My sibling is usually buys a last minute gift giver that will buy expensive gifts that they love, and not the taste of the recipient. I am the one trawling the shops, to buy a "thoughtful" gift that looks more expensive than it is.

I feel like such a scrooge, but I just don't want to do it; it rightly or wrongly stresses me out.

Just tell her you don’t want to buy gifts this year. However make it clear that she shouldn’t buy for your DC either so then there is no obligation to spend money on her in return. She can always get them a selection box or a book if she really wants.

This isn't an option as my sibling only likes expensive restaurants, my dcs are young, one ND so would be unable to go, which causes further issues. My sibling can be awkward and fussy in the restaurants too. We don't really have a relationship where we would spend a day together, I'd rather spend money doing an activity with my dcs, than the expense of a spa.

My siblings and I give one another a set amount of money for birthdays, then we tell each other what we've chosen to put it towards. This way, we all get something that we actually want and will enjoy.

we just buy for our parents and children. Just tell them now 🤷‍♀️ Doesn’t need to be a big deal. Just say moneys tight and you’re a bit stressed could you not do presents. Maybe suggest a trip out instead.

Don't tell, just do. My sister clearly decided she didn't want to do birthdays for a few years and just stopped.
I found it a bit weird at first bit soon got over it. She resumed a few years later.

All my nephews / nieces have birthdays around Christmas and it does get crazy expensive. I love giving and receiving gifts so try to plan but I do get you.

It’s a difficult situation. I really want to stop doing gifts and cards for everyone. It’s got out of hand, and is completely pointless. In my case I’ve decided that elderly relatives will still get gifts and cards, as they’ve done this their whole lives and would probably be very hurt if I suggested not doing them. But for everyone else, I am going to talk to them about this and see what they say.

No idea why you’re trawling rhe shops, I do mine on line. And I’ve never heard of anyone donating chocolates, where did you donate them to?

jusg tell her, no gifts, and if she buys, then you will need to donate again.

We aren't really close to do a trip out my sibling is so fussy, I couldn't think of anything worse.

😂 food bank in tesco, somebody will get a treat!

Just tell people you don't want to do it. My sister in law did that a few years ago and my sister did last year. I just spent the money I'd normally spend on something nice for myself so I was quite happy!

I really dislike how out of hand gift giving, and Christmas in general really, can get.

Begs the question why you are exerting so much effort on a gift then! Just send a text saying you’d rather not do gifts because money is tight and you’re stressed (and to please not receive any because it makes you even more stressed knowing you can’t reciprocate)

Yes, exactly. I just want to buy for parents. If I plead hard up, I'll get a sympathy vote and more elaborate present. Nothing works!

I agree with other posters and just tell her now. Tell her that you want a smaller, less fuss christmas. I only buy for immediate family now. The only card I send is to my favourite uncle who lives a long way away from us and we always get one back from him too, which makes my Xmas as he always writes a little letter to go inside 😊

We stay in on Xmas day. I see my mum and her partner beforehand and after the day itself and see other family members beforehand, too. MIL pops round late afternoon Xmas day, and I'll drive her home, but other than that, we have a lovely, relaxed, less stressed Xmas now. We don't go OTT on presents or food etc. We just buy what we are actually going to eat. Our children are now 18 and 11 and don't want for much anymore, which is bliss 😆 But I've always budgeted. Do Xmas your way!

I know, I did it last Christmas because I couldn't afford to reciprocate the level of expense, so had to try to get a "decent" gift. One of the gifts looked more than it was, I received a text asking where I had gotten it from. I had to say I had forgotten, rather than the truth that I had picked it up at Asda 😱
I have hinted at money before, but this will be taken literally to the point we get a sympathy vote, and bought an even more elaborate gift, with me still getting something back.
I wonder if I just say it is stressful, and wouldn't know what to get, trying to keep things simple. One of my parents was so easy to buy for, I loved it, found them so easy to buy for. It would be okay if my sibling was this way.

Alternatively how’s your baking. Sometimes I just make biscuits/scones/flapjack for friends birthdays. Thoughtful but cheap.

Just tell
them now that you feel that Christmas has become too commercialised and stressful and that from now on you will only be buying gifts for your parents and children and you’d prefer it if they didn’t buy anything for you. If they really feel they have to them you’d prefer they make a donation in your name to x charity. Tell them if they do giv

One of my brothers doesn’t give gifts. I still send a token something for nieces and nephews but they know there is no pressure to reciprocate as I just do it because I like to (if he had told me explicitly no presents then I wouldn’t even do that).

My baking is decent, but sibling in question has been known to be complimentary and critical at the same time eg "I loved the texture of the cake, but hated the icing." It is like being on an episode of Master Chef!

Don't then, start a new tradition and trend.
You've been brainwashed into thinking you have to buy presents but you don't.
I've stopped cards, presents, tree, it's liberating.
You have choice.
Hopefully more people will start following suit and be refused to be drawn into the madness of Christmas.

If your dsis buys for your dc then I think you do need to get them something. Or you knock buying for everyone on head.

Make her something like a Dundee cake, buy a Christmas themed tin ( or use an empty chocolate tub) post. Job done.
Or, just send a card.

She can naff off then. I challenge you to send a text today!