To not want to buy Christmas gifts

[ChristmaschaosAgain]

It's just that really. It is an expensive time, I have my young dcs to buy for, food, dh's birthday (a big one). I'm just sick of the stress of trailing through busy shops and buying for the sake of it.
I have a sibling I want to tell that I'd prefer to exchange cards only. How do I go about this? Even token gifts get out of hand, can be over spent on, and become expensive, chocolate and wine etc. It all seems a bit pointless. My sibling is fussy, with expensive taste, and wouldn't be enthralled with what I'd get. Likewise, I don't like the last minute expensive things bought back. They're never my taste and are donated. It seems that we can just both avoid wasting money.

How do I go about telling my sibling I don't want to do gifts? I prefer cards only, even on my birthday, this was not listened to and an elaborate gift was given. This had to be donated, expensive perfume and chocolates that weren't my taste. My sibling doesn't have dcs, and if buys for mine I feel I have to buy back, and then it gets into this situation. It is the way I am, I can receive a gift and not give one in return. I don't want to hear its okay, I want to do it still. I want to keep is simple this year.

I don't like the fuss.

Your sibling really doesn't sound like a very nice person. I think you should just say that you want to stop presents due to finance. It's rude to criticise someone's gift giving when they have made an effort and as for being afraid to tell them a gift was from Asda, what a snob. I'd much prefer it, if my gift giver found a bargain!

Me and my brother just give each other chocs or fudge, we know the other will like. Neither of us are money orientated though, even though he earns way more than me. He would be fine if we stopped and understands that having kids is expensive, even though he doesn't have any.

Either tell her you are stopping Xmas presents except for children and your parents or set a price limit per household and stick to it. Tell her you are setting a limit and suggest she sticks to It too. It doesn't sound like she will like whatever you get anyway!

I don't think this is fair for adults without children. We have a couple in our family and they would just be giving and getting nothing to open themselves

I mean the only gifting grandparents parents and children idea.

My family don't do gift giving anymore, and it's such a relief. No pressure at Christmas.

I said per household. My aunt and uncle and I have a set amount we spend on each other. They don't have children and I live alone. Obviously family circumstances differ. Op indicated they would still give to parents.

I said to my siblings 'our families are getting bigger and things are a bit tight so I would rather not do Christmas gifts any more'. Honestly, they were all pretty relieved. Don't make it more of a drama than you need to. Even if your sister is a bit peeved she will get over it.

An Aunt and I have an agreement that we will each treat ourselves with the money we would have spent on gifts and postage. So if you chose not to treat yourself, that's on you. Funds my Christmas cheeseboard every year!

The thing is, the issue is your sibling. You still want to buy gifts for your parents/dcs/dh.
As it's only 1 person, would it really save that much stress?
Your sibling doesn't have kids, so I would imagine they would feel really left out. You only have one sibling so I'd just do it, small token and not think much more into it

I've completely stopped birthdays and Christmas,only buying for my dc and dh
I'm so sick of never getting a thankyou ,that I'm not sending any more

Me and dh don't really buy much for Christmas for each other since dcs tbh, and if we really want something, and had the money we would buy something ourselves. It would take a lot of stress off, as tokens aren't any good either, for the reason I explain earlier. My sibling isn't left our, as has a partner and friends, parents to buy.

My side of the family do secret santa and we include the kids in this. Its a £10 limit and the rule is, everyone chooses for the person that they get, even the kids get involved with choosing. Its good fun and not too costly.

My dh side of the family, I am going to suggest not doing adult gifts this year, except for parent in laws. We all have kids so no childless person ends up buying but not recieving and I'm sure we all secretly feel we buy for the sake of buying...its generally generic bath sets or socks.

I'm going to say I'm just buying for actual children from now on, this includes not buying my adult neices and nephews on this side (all over 20 years old now) and just cut it right down and hope no-one gets offended

I've really cut down in recent years, and plan to cut more. I'm down to my DD, mum snd dad. My DB is hosting this year so I might make a Christmas hamper for him to say thanks but I won't go mad.

you sound like you don't like her much anyway so if she is offended what difference will it make ?
no judgement btw as she sounds hard work !

YANBU but I don’t get why you are trawling the shops when you could just order something online?

Because I wouldn't know what I would look for online. You know when you go to a tk maxx type store, and you find something that you wouldn't have ordinarily thought of.
Right ladies I've done it, and sent a text 😫

Possibly something there with that yes. We were no contact for a few years at one point, our relationship has been a bit tumultuous at times.

Don't suggest anything, just tell her 'christmas is too expensive so DH and I have decided to only buy for kids.' That way it's not just her feeling excluded, if you've applied the same rule to your parents and his family. Then if she still buys you an expensive gift say 'thanks but I did tell you we weren't doing gifts.'

It will only take one year to make clear that you mean what you say and won't be reciprocating. Then it's up to her. Some people have spare money and really enjoy buying presents, so if she continues to buy for you without getting anything back just accept it gratefully. Otherwise she'll get the message and stop.

However as a pp said you need to make it very clear that this also applies to your kids - that you have no expectation from her to buy them anything. Otherwise it is a bit cheeky if you expect her to keep buying for your family but get absolutely nothing in return. She may very well do so anyway - as the childless aunt I like buying for my nephews/nieces but cba to buy for adults -if so it would be nice to get her a little something "from them" as an acknowledgement - a nice picture drawn by them saying thank you or something they pick themselves rather than a 'proper' gift and maybe given after christmas to not confuse things!

No, I think (hope) I mentioned further up? that I am the type of person to always buy back, even if people buy just for the dcs. This is why I need my sibling to not do it. I always feel under even more pressure to buy something more expensive too when they're bought for as well.

Yes they have a lot of expendable cash, very few bills etc. We have mortgage, lots of bills, and very different priorities.

Oh that's a really good idea for the kids if it isn't listened to. Thank you.

I think it has to be no presents for anyone (outside of your partner or kids) or you buy for your parents and sister.

It is quite rude not to buy her if she buys for your kids and you also buy for your parents.

Her being awkward is not really a great excuse!

Just be honest and tell your siblings you can't afford to buy gifts for them at Xmas time as it's very expensive buying gifts for your DC. Have a meal together and exchange Xmas cards.

Possibly, don't believe my sibling is excluded, as we were no contact for a few years where not so much as a card was sent to dcs or anything. A different year (before dcs) I turned up with gifts, nothing was given back, yet other relatives were bought for. My siblings behaviour changes when it suits (depending on specific set of circumstances) and I feel mine can too. It is just bloody awkward! 😂 I feel like being showered with gifts is not something I want to maintain. I also won't not buy for my dm. Sibling has a partner, friends and parents to buy things.

I don't want to fall out over it, but can't go against how I am feeling.

I have swapped to paying for things one of my best friends.So for birthdays, I’ll get theatre tkts (or similar) for a play of their choosing and they do the same for mine. For Christmas, we book a nice restaurant or a spa day and go halves. So we’re essentially paying for ourselves but we say that’s our Christmas gift to each other! Could you suggest something like that?

Good for you! How did you phrase it?

My Dh told his siblings some years back, we were getting the most ridiculous gifts from one brother, pint sized wine glasses, a 3 foot high ceramic planter full of soil and bulbs that we had to somehow get in the car and transport 3 hours back home, it was stuff he’d want, basically, or that tickled him. We’ve gone to cards only, wish even that would stop, he always sends really crass, rude ones, just pointless, really. Call me crazy, but when I send someone a card, I try to send their taste, not mine.

I would tell her right now that you have decided to stop giving Christmas gifts to adults because financially strained and please don't get anything for me or DC. If she absolutely wants to gift tell her to give to a local food bank or charity. Then don't give anything to DH infront of her and make sure your parents gifts are from your DC. Problem solved.