To feel that friendships shouldn’t be prioritised over romantic relationships?

[OpenPombear]

I feel like some people place their friends above their romantic partners, even in serious relationships. AIBU to think that romantic relationships should take precedence?

Surely there’s room for both
in general, no I think it’s really important to maintain friendships when in a romantic relationship.

Obviously if it’s your partners birthday and you sack them off to go out with friends you see all the time that’s not going to be good but there’s a balance to be had!

I place equal importance on both. I've been married 24 years but have loads of friends who I've known for over 40 years!

Not really. If you are saying xmas day maybe but a normal date Equal
Time I'd say.

Need more
Context.

Married. Co habiting. Just started dating. Etc

I would expect any romantic partner to agree and encourage the importance of friendships, especially long standing ones. Anyone who sets it up as a competition early on should get the old heave ho.

i've always had room for both too. Never really found it difficult to see friends once or twice a month whether I had a man on the go or not.

Why do you believe that? Is it not healthy to have both dont understand why a romantic partner would be ",prioritised" you are going to need your friends if anything goes wrong!

You can do both. Nurturing friendships is very important, it's not healthy to have only one person to depend on.

Can you give an example of egg hat you mean. I haven't experienced any conflict as there is plenty of time for both in my experience.

• of what

I've never had to choose between them or make a hierarchy in the first place. They're different things.

I can't think of a scenario I've had where I've had to choose and particularly prioritise, but I disagree. I am very happily married to an amazing man, but the friendships I have with women I've known since school are precious to me and fulfil my life just as much, if not more in some ways. Sure there have been compromises I suppose, balancing time between both, but no I wouldn't respect a man who wanted me to prioritise our relationship over my close friendships.

Isn’t it all about nuance?

My best friend is sick and needs someone to take her to hospital? Vs I was meant to be making dinner for me and do, I will 100% prioritise my friend.

Friends wants to organise a night out when I already have plans with Dp then I am going to stick to my plans with Dp. If Dp wanted to plan something when I had plans with friend I will stick to my plan with my friends.

I can’t think of single situation where Dp or my friends wouldn’t be understanding about the choice I made to ‘prioritise’ one over the other.

I can’t see why there would be a blanket rule of always one over the other.

Romantic partnerships sometimes break down. If you haven't given time to friendships then who is there to pick you up.

I am quite concerned you haven't given any context. It sounds very much like it could be a controller seeking a vote in their favour to show their abused partner why they are in the wrong.

I think it's important to not have a strict set of priorities, but more ones that can change as needed. For example, I have a friend who priorities her husband, her family, her friends, in that order every single time. She will only meet us if her husband and family aren't available. She will never ever meet us if any family member or her husband are available, doesn't matter how far in advance we try to schedule a meet up.

My exh left me out of the blue. If I hadn't worked hard at my friendships and made them a priority I would have had nobody to turn to. Romantic relationships come and go, even if you dwork hard at them and don't expect them to, but good friendships don't.

I'm in the minority agreeing with you, but only because I had poor boundaries and have experienced terrible relationships where 'friendship' becomes an excuse for abandonment.

Nah...they are too different to compare that way.
Both are important. It depends what your angle is.

I don’t think it’s either or. Nor can I think of a time where I had to make a straight choice between one or the other. What’s brought this line of thought on op?

I think this is one of those MN universe things similar to parents (mums in particular) where men hanging around with friends too much is immature and non committal but women spending the same amount of time with female friends is empowering, necessary, healthy...

Both are very important to me. I don't prioritise either, I balance them both.

I've been happily married for 20 years and my best friend has been in my life longer.

I need both relationships.

In the early days of a romantic relationship, people do tend to prioritise their partner and that's understandable. But there are some dangers attached to forsaking your friends - you could end up very lonely if you rely too much on one person and they don't stay around in the longer term. As I grow older, I find myself feeling that long-standing friends are a very precious resource and a romantic partner who really cares for you will encourage you to keep up with those connections.

Prioritising your friends is a better base to come at a romantic/sexual relationship from. If you have good, healthy, functional, enjoyable, mutually-supportive relationships in your life already, you are going to have higher standards and better boundaries for all relationships. it’s almost never an either/or situation, but, if it were, bluntly, you’d be crazy not to choose a good, longterm friendship over a new relationship which may not last.

And the notion that I’ve only ever come across on Mn, that you naturally ‘retire’ opposite-sex friendships once in a relationship is quite mad.

Both are important and neither should automatically take priority - surely everything depends on the context and what the specific competing priorities are in any given situation?

Then there's being informed weeks after the fact that your partner went with a friend to a concert you'd have liked to go to, or days before the fact that after 3 months apart they'll be spending Easter with friends and you're explicitly not invited, or being really ill and spending Christmas alone with a box set of comedy and a shop cake...

It greatly depends on the context. A romantic relationship shouldn't always be your priority, but it's situational. I have friends who are a couple and she would like him to never go out and see friends because she regards herself as more important and any time he wants to spend with other people is him saying she isn't. All it's done is breed resentment and a very unhappy marriage on the edge.