DS is 14. He has a nice group of friends. All gatherings and sleepovers are always at one friend’s house. This friend is really nice, but very indulged, plus has lots of cool stuff at home. His mum is very nice, but also basically puts down no boundaries. Nothing I can do about that, but the thing that drives me crazy is that all the plans are made last minute with no set times for anything, so it really annoys me because I never know what time to pick up etc, meaning it’s hard for me to plan and organize my own time and the rest of the family’s time.
Example: today the boys had been messaging about going fishing. I kept telling my son to ask what time. We didn’t play tennis as planned because we weren’t sure what was happening. No one was really replying or making any concrete plans. Eventually at about 4pm, we assumed it wasn’t happening, so I texted the mum to say that. Ten mins later I got a msg saying they are motivating to go and to meet at the bottom of her road. (They live at the top of a huge hill with a windy road that takes forever to drive up). I took my son, with about an hour of daylight left. I had told him before we got there that he could not sleepover, since it had not been planned in advance. It’s happened before where the sleepover is sprung on me when I’m picking him up and I’ve had to drive home to pick up his stuff and drive it back. The mum said she’d drive the boys to fish and hang out there and wait, then I could pick up DS at the bottom of her road on their way back. Fine.
It gets dark. I’m waiting, not sure when to start cooking dinner. (DH is back today from a long haul business trip and my youngest DS is getting hungry and tired). Eventually I start cooking and I texted the mum to ask if all is ok as it’s dark and to ask what time they’ll be back as I need to make dinner. She replied about 10 mins later to say they were leaving the fishing spot and we agreed to meet at the end of her road 15 mins later. I abandoned dinner and my husband took over. I got there and waited. They pulled up: the mum with four boys in the car. One of my son’s friends then says he has a proposition for me. Can DS sleep over? I was annoyed that this was happening yet again. I pointed out to DS that he had none of his stuff and I was not going home to get it. DS said he’d really like to stay over if at all possible. I relented, but said he’d have to stay over with none of his things eg aligner etc.
I got home without DS. DH was annoyed with me for giving in. Argggghhh. I find it really difficult because I’m happy for my son to be included and I want him to have fun with his friends, but everything always happens at this one friend’s house and nothing is ever planned ahead of time. Eg DS is invited to go over there when I’m at school pick up and sleepovers are usually invited when I’m picking DS up after hanging out at their house. It’s not my son’s fault - he can’t control when he is invited. He has to wait to see what happens. This is why I feel torn. I find it thoughtless of the friend who does the inviting. I’m expected to just drop everything to ferry DS about at the friend’s whim. Now I’ll be spending Sunday wondering when I’m going to be summoned to pick DS up when I’ve got other things to do (including two businesses, another DS and a new puppy).
For context, my DS lovely. We get along really well and he also loves being at home. When he gets invited over there though, he usually really wants to go! They order pizza, play video games, stay up late and have lots of fun.
AIBU?
Yes - I should chill out and be more flexible like all the other parents seem to be.
No - I should tell my son this doesn’t work for me and maybe he should let him friend know that last minute invitations won’t always be accommodated.