to think that clealry someone ^upstairs^ hates me, and to want to just curl up and die

[Reallystruggling]

I know that i will be flamed by some and quite frankly i just dont feel strong enough to hear it, so i have namechanged.

I am not coping financially.

I left an abusive partner and as a result have had to claim benefits.
XP ran up loads of debts in my name after i left and before i realised and cancelled all accounts in my name.

I recently sold my car to use the money to pay off some of the debts that meant i had bailiffs hammering my door down at daft o clock in the morning.

I need a car as my Ds has Sn and his school is about 4 miles away. although he can physically walk (so we don't qualify for mobility car) he is easily distracted, he finds the noise of being near main roads very distressing and its basicly very dangerous...especially as i also have a 3.8 year old to contend with.

I bought a very cheap old banger, but the tax and MOt ran out at the begining of this month. I get my child benefit tomorrow which was going to pay for the MOT and DS's DLA money comes in next week which would have paid for the Tax.
(please no lectures on the fact that the DLA money should be spent on DS, i feel guilty enough)

I know that it was illegal to have kept it on teh road until then but i simply didn't have the money to pay for it prior to that...i had already had to save to buy the car.

I just went outside and there is a bloody great clamp on it. i rang teh number and they want £200 by 3pm tomorrow or they tale the car.

They will have to take the car. I simply don't have the money.

This has all come on top of a birtish gas cock up that has left me oweing them over £700, DS breaking the washing machine door which will cost £80 to fix, a half term that has been awful as we simply havent had any money to do anything other than a couple of trips to the park in horrid weather.....and at least 3/4 letters from debt collection agencies every single day.

I just do not know how much more i can take of this.
I do honestly think that sometimes we would be better off if i gave the kids to their dad so that i can go to work and get us straight.

but the fact i am crying my eyes out at just typing that tells me that i could never do it.

I know IABU, and that it is my own fault that im in this mess but i just wanted to have a rant somewhere.
DD has already caught me crying and asked why.

I feel for you, have been in a similar situation, with Ex Hubby (he tried to kill me) had forged my signature and taken out 2nd 3rd mortgages on our home, had an awful job convincing the lenders it WASNT me, house re-possesed lost all my stuff to the ballifs. Was going to be put in B & B 30 miles away, in the day when you had to leave at 9am and walk the streets, 3 young kids. Gave up car and phone, lived in bare minimum, got a very cheap bike with kids seat. Boss sacked me, because he didnt want me working there when it hit the papers about my H trying to kill me! talk about kicking a dog when its down. Council gave me a house they were demolishing, amazingly just a few miles from my sons school, used my last months wages to get HIM a bike to get to school. Given tiny council house, swapped to a bigger one. New relationship, new baby at 41, bought house, was har starting again 2 mortgages, and m iddle aged. CCJ against me. But, I got there. This late bay is now having similar problems, is very down trying to support her, jobcentre chasing her, she is playing everything by the book, has just told me about debts I didnt know she had! saying when she is dead they cant chase her. When I say about what happened to me, she says that was a long time ago, keep telling her, things WILL get better, says shes not stupid knows I am "only" saying that to try and cheer her up. I am not succeeding though, and I cannot eat or sleep anymore than she can. I wish I had a magic wand. The folks on here have given some very good advice.

FFS why do I not notice zombie threads until I've read all the way to the bloody end!!??

FFS why do I not notice zombie threads until I've read all the way to the bloody end!!??