Same ring as late wife

[Anon22224]

My Fiancé is a widow, I just accidentally came across his late wife’s engagement ring and I realised it is exactly the same as the one that DF proposed with.

Would you be upset? I feel really hurt

He’s either extremely shit at ring shopping and just bought what went down well previously, or this is extremely weird

Sorry to be a pedant - but it's 'widower'.
Women are 'widows'

I was getting really confused!

The fact he's bought you the same ring is disconcerting. I would feel like I was just a replacement wife figure.

Yeah this. Like in his head we just merge into one woman with identical tastes - she liked it, so OP will like it.

Bleurgh!

It’s giving me major ick. An engagement ring is something that’s supposed to be personal, he should be thinking about you when he chooses it.

This would make me feel quite replaceable. And the next fiancée would probably get the same ring too.

I think people are massively overthinking this. He probably didn’t even notice it was the same. Probably saw the original ring, liked it, bought it for his first wife. Now he’s ring shopping again, sees a ring he likes, buys it for his future second wife. It’s crazy to try to take offence at this.

Umm surely he saw the ring on his first wife's finger every day, or at least quite often after he bought it?

So why wouldn't he think oh that's the same, I'd be better getting wifey number 2 something a bit different at least? As she is, you know, a different woman with her own style and taste! We can live in hope ...

I think this hinges on whether he's the kind of man to notice and think about jewellery. Some men would have a strong opinion and think that jewellery is a personal thing and reflects the wearer. But for others, one diamond solitaire is much the same as another and so long as it's nice (to them) it doesn't have any deeper symbolism - it's just that you do when you get engaged.

But if it's bothering you then you need a conversation - no one should be getting married if they can't talk about their feelings or how they see the world.

I wouldn’t read too much in to it, men can be shit with stuff like that but it just means they’re shit at choosing presents, not that they don’t live or value you.

He probably just thought it was a nice ring that got him the result he wanted last time.

If he noticed it was the same, he probably thought wife 1 liked it, I like it, it’s a lovely ring, I expect wife 2 will like it as well. Happy days. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, and I certainly wouldn’t see it as indicative of anything sinister.

But men don't think like that.

They're sheep. They lack imagination and they haven't got a clue about jewellery.

My ex-husband and I were choosing wedding rings and he said he thought he'd have the same ring his dad wore.

It didn't match my ring so I vetoed it.

🤣🤣

My friend works in a well-known name jewellery shop, she says the number of men who come in at Christmas and buy two identical pieces of expensive jewellery, one for the wife and one for the OW, is crazy. It's really common apparently.

lol unimaginative man? He knows what he likes and he likes what he knows.

How long since he was widowed op and how long married? Styles change so I'm surprised he's found the same ring twice.

However he's also a man and it's reasonable he'd have gone in, gone oohh I really like that, and not given his late wife's engagement ring a thought. He just has the same taste.

Unless he's also gently cajoled you onto changing your style to match hers....

I'm guessing he got his wife what he thought was the most perfect ring and that's why he bought it again for you. He didn't want to give you a lesser ring.

Styles change so I'm surprised he's found the same ring twice.

Solitaire diamonds haven’t changed for over a century.

The OP has said it is a distinctive design

I wouldn't like it op. If he isn't a jerk he could he could just be a little simple about shopping. One woman liked that ring so perhaps all women like that ring. That kind of thing. That would be easy enough to rectify.

He probably heard others complimenting the ring his late wife had so thought you'd like one too. Just make sure you choose your eternity ring.

Maybe he just really likes it. Or potentially his late wife loved it and he thought you may have the same experience. I can imagine doing this, it's almost a 'safe bet', albeit maybe not thoughtful.

But how many men do you really think spend hours agonising over what ring their wife would want based on their tastes and style? Most probably go to one shop, look around, and choose the ring they think is within budget and pretty and buy that. Many just buy the rings their girlfriend's have told them too (I know LOTS of women who have chosen their own ring, whether they readily admit to it or not).

Thanks everyone, we have a lovely relationship and great communication I just wanted to gauge whether I was justified in feeling bit sad about it.

Thank you for confirming others would feel this way too, we have talked about it this eve and he seemed oblivious which from several posters makes sense! But he understands why I’m upset and of course wants me to have the ring I want so has suggested we make some alterations to make it unique for me. I feel much better about it now.

Just one of the many rollercoasters of these relationships!

edited to add, his wife passed away 7 years ago as a few people asked if recent and we got engaged just over a year ago

Sorry, I meant to type “was widowed”, I do know men are widowers and women are widows honestly!

Isn’t this what you get if you go along with the bizarre pseudo-tradition of man doing a surprise proposal with a piece of jewellery of his choosing, which you’re supposed to find meaningful full and wear daily for life?