Same ring as late wife

[Anon22224]

My Fiancé is a widow, I just accidentally came across his late wife’s engagement ring and I realised it is exactly the same as the one that DF proposed with.

Would you be upset? I feel really hurt

I would speak to him. He probably thinks it’s the perfect engagement ring so I would find it a compliment in a way but I understand why you would want something different.

I am in the 'he probably just lacks imagination' camp. My DH will say things about dresses or whatever his ex used to wear that he thinks would suit me. I think he thinks he is being helpful! We don't look at all similar and she is a lot taller and slimmer than me, so that made me feel a but shit until I realised that he was actually trying to say he thought I would look nice in something. (I also realised he thought a 'skirt' was a knee length or shorter garment, and a 'dress' was the same but ankle length 😂)

I honestly don't think this means anything other than him using the same pattern as he had before. It was a good ring for her, he assumed you'd like it too. There is a dazzling choice of rings out there, not easy at all for men to navigate if they've not been given guidance.

I dont get women accepting a ring being chosen for their finger.
Certainly wouldn't be accepting of it.
If he is lovely it sounds like a spectacular lack of imagination.
It would sour that ring for me, for sure.

He probably never noticed that they are the same, he saw it, liked it and bought it. Being upset is understandable though, I think you should talk to him about it to clear the air.

Well he probably bought it for his wife and then for you because it's what he likes.

I'd imagine there is no more to it!

I don’t think you should infer anything from this other than he things it’s a lovely design and he wanted you to have a lovely ring.

Why didn't you choose the ring together?
I don't understand this.
Anyway, he seems like a decent person, just talk to him, return it and go ring shopping together.

How did you find his late wife's ring to know this.

Hell no.

This is why the US "tradition" of proposing with a ring ready and waiting is such a dumb idea.

Stick with the traditional English way. Propose and then go and choose a ring together.

Saves so much trouble.

Yep, definitely this.

Absolutely. I wish buying the ring before the proposal hadn’t become a thing. It used to be romantic choosing the ring together and then going somewhere nice for lunch or dinner.

I wouldn’t take it to heart. Probably just a complete lack of imagination! It was probably well received the first time (and he probably likes the design) so he bought it again. If it was the actual ring being gifted again then I could understand you being upset, but it’s not. He proposed to you and took time out of his day to choose a ring for you that he liked the look of.

I wouldn't be upset. He probably picked it because he likes it and thinks it's beautiful, just as he liked the one he picked for his late wife.

Many people - men in particular - tend to just stick with what they know and like without even really realising it. I doubt he even realises it's so similar.

So long as you like the ring and you love him then I'd not read anything into this other than your husband is consistent in his taste in rings.

Yup. That was very much the case with my late husband.

Erm..

Presumably he bought the ring he liked best for his late wife. And so he can't buy you second best.

I'm married to a widower. You're not wrong to feel hurt so definitely talk about it with him, but it almost certainly wasn't done consciously and I'm sure the two of you can solve this.
I wasn't bothered about choosing wedding colours until my now husband told the florist we wanted a colour that was the same colour as his first wedding and I suddenly developed an opinion! There were a few other things I noticed around him wanting things he'd had at his first wedding again.
I think it just happens because my DH (and probably your partner also) still has similar tastes as he did in the past, not that he thinks you'll like the same things as his first wife.
Do have the conversation though, because other things will come up in the future and you need to be able to talk about them. Maybe you can choose a new ring together.

I bet that he hadn’t even realised.

My ring is quite similar to DH's late first wife's ring.

He chose it because he thought I'd love it and didn't think I should have one I liked less just because he'd bought one before.

Does your OH believe that style is what you'd love?

Gosh no, just no. That's not a healthy way to operate.

Hes a bloke, they take the path of least resistance. He supposed she loved it, that you would too

Yup. My late husband was the same. He and his first wife were divorced, however. He'd say something like "Oh, do you fancy one of those [whatever]? I got one for Ex one time."

More than likely he has thought "The previous ring was exactly right, So the best thing to do is get another, exactly the same; then she will love it".

I can understand why you are upset, but more likely it's to do with wanting you to like it rather than anything else.