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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not to agree with a friend when i think shes wrong? sorry a bit long!

60 replies

somebodyhelpme · 21/04/2008 18:58

ok I have a friend that I think may never speak to me again, as I told her I thought she was being irisponsable (sp?). Right this friend phoned me yesterday, asking if I knew anyone with any kittens, as she wanted one, an aquaintance of mine has some, so I said i'd give her a ring and find out. The aquaintance said yes she had one, which would be ready tuesday, friend said could she pick it up yesterday, which she did. I had a text earlier saying did I know of anyone that would like a kitten as she has changed her mind and now doesnt want it, as it had an accident last nite,(poor thing didnt know where the litter tray was), it kept her awake meowing and wont sit on her knee. I said she needed to give it a couple of days to settle in, she said she would put it in the shed if she had to listen to it tonite. I said I thought she was being irasponsable, and that she shouldnt have got it. Next thing I know shes saying she doesnt want to see me anymore as I dont understand her. am I being unreasonable to tell her what I thought? I thought honesty was the best policy!

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 22/04/2008 14:41

How old is your friend? 10? She sounds totally immature. YANBU.

hecate · 22/04/2008 15:02

Oh, just delete it. Silly woman. (her, not you) she's trying to manipulate you and get you back under control!

Just Do NOT reply, or I'll come round and slap you

somebodyhelpme · 22/04/2008 16:11

thanks hecate, a slapping would round my day off nicely! i'm really scared that if i cut her out i wount find any other friends, most of the people i know are friends with her also, and i am sure she will tell everyone what a horrible person i am, i know this makes me sound really sad, but i don't want to loose my very thin support network, as i have no family near by, i have already lost what i thought was a good friend due to my depression. I dont want to be a lonely recluse!

OP posts:
Kitti · 22/04/2008 16:46

Make sure they know that she took in a kitten and then threw a wobbly because it cried at night!! If you have pnd and she knows this then she is just using you to make herself feel more superior. You deserve better than that. Problem is that the other peopl you know probably already know what she's like and are too scared to stand up to her and if that's the case you're better off without them too. It's hard making friends and meeting people but letting the wrong sort of people tread all over you will not help you or your pnd in the long run. Have you talked to the person you got the kitten from in the first place?? I bet she wouldn't be too impressed with this woman's behaviour either.

somebodyhelpme · 22/04/2008 16:56

I have spoken to her, but she doesnt really want the kitten back if at all possible, but isnt pleased that she sold him and he will be passed on again.
I'm sure that most of our friends feel the same, and infact one of our mutual friends had a similar falling out with her a few weeks ago, over something else, but everyone lets her do it, and i'm sick of feeling i'm in the wrong.

OP posts:
Kitti · 22/04/2008 17:00

You're not in the wrong and she will always make you feel as if you are in the wrong. I had a friend for 9.5 years who upset me and made me feel like my feelings weren't important and I have no right to feel upset but she had every right to be upset with me -9.5 years we were friends and then nothing!! Don't let her treat you like that. Keep remionding yourself that everyone on here believes you are in the right not your "friend"

somebodyhelpme · 22/04/2008 17:11

Thanks, I know it in my head but the rest of me isn't listening!

OP posts:
piratecat · 23/04/2008 08:06

always tough to see the wood for the trees when it's happening to you. Yet some people are total control freaks, who make mincemeat out of nice gentle freindly people.

I really don't think that in the long term, those freinds who are also in your network would just drop you for standing up for yourself. Things change everyday, and I think you are ten times stronger than you think, don't let her undermine you.

Tenacious and hecate have said very helpful things.

piratecat · 23/04/2008 08:06

will go and follow own advice

2GIRLS · 23/04/2008 10:22

Anyone that would treat a baby animal (even an adult animal) would never be a friend of mine, regardless of what her 'issues' are.

Is she in such a state of psychological distress that she would have no regard for an animals life?

If I were you I'd take the kitten and find it a good home yourself.

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