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Original poster

To believe that “the best revenge is living well?”

28 replies

DreamyPearlPeer · 27/09/2024 13:29

I’ve often heard this phrase, and it makes me wonder about its truth. Is focusing on your own happiness and success truly the best way to respond to those who have wronged you? Or do you think there are situations where standing up for yourself is more important? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

OP posts:
FerienInLipizza · 27/09/2024 13:32

The best revenge is living well, being seen to be living well but also actually getting revenge.

Anything else is not revenge and you end up feeling like you have let yourself down long term.

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 27/09/2024 13:35

Nah, the best revenge is putting potato powder all over their grass just before it rains.

Edingril · 27/09/2024 13:36

Well living will is what everyone should do but what is this obsession where people assume others are so invested in them that them living well would make anyone feel it is revenge

It is like saying 'oh their just jealous' or 'sure you want to wear a blue tent as a dress you will be beautiful'

It is not real

PassingStranger · 27/09/2024 13:36

Yes absolutely agree.

Walk away, it's not worth the anger and stress.
Nobody is worth disturbing your mental peace.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/09/2024 13:40

I think you are conflating two separate things:

  • yes living a good happy life is more productive than stewing over past wrongs. Unquestionably
  • But yes you should stand up for yourself

You can (and should) stand up for yourself when you need to but also accept with grace when something hasn’t gone your way and move on without bitterness.

Catza · 27/09/2024 13:53

Agree with PP, you are conflating two separate issues here.
The quote encourages you to move on with your life and not harbor resentment. Another helpful quote might be "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies".
However, if you are subject to injustice, you can absolutely stand up for yourself in the moment. Just don't stew over it for the next 20 years.

CantDecideAUsename · 27/09/2024 14:01

Standing up for yourself and getting revenge are not the same thing. Don’t let people walk all over you but at the same time, don’t waste your life getting back at the people who wronged you.
What good will revenge do other than making you feel momentarily better? If the other person is a complete piece of shit, they won’t even attribute your revenge to their behaviour.

SomewhereAround · 27/09/2024 14:03

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/09/2024 13:40

I think you are conflating two separate things:

  • yes living a good happy life is more productive than stewing over past wrongs. Unquestionably
  • But yes you should stand up for yourself

You can (and should) stand up for yourself when you need to but also accept with grace when something hasn’t gone your way and move on without bitterness.

Yes, they're not mutually exclusive options. Stand up for yourself, ensure you're not wronged, or that you being wronged doesn't go unremarked and, if possible, unpunished, and then, once you've done whatever you can about it, put it out of your head and get on with your life.

Screamingabdabz · 27/09/2024 14:04

I think there have been times I’ve felt vengeful and ‘living well’ was not an option or going to be of any consequence to an arsehole of a bullying boss, or a user of a friend with a far better quality of life than me, or the scum that mugged my son.

dixkybow · 27/09/2024 14:07

For me the best revenge is letting go and not wanting revenge. The live well thing? I can do that for me, if I do it in a revengeful or spiteful way I'm hanging onto bad feels that I really don't need.

missdeamenor · 27/09/2024 14:09

Living well is so annoying for those that wish for your downfall. I know in my head that revenge is wrong but I can only fully let go when I feel I've paid that person back in some way.

Tbskejue · 27/09/2024 14:12

I definitely feel like this about ex partners; I know one is particular is seething that I’ve done all the things he said I’d never do.

WitchyBits · 27/09/2024 14:14

I think it is. I have a wonderful life. I'm loved, I have a wide family support network and a few very good reliable friends. I have the luxury of being ok financially and having ages to credit if needed. I'm happy, I'm grateful to the people in it. I love going away 2-4 times a year to explore new places. I'm excited about my future and my DH retiring in 4-5 years so we can do more of these things with our grandkids.

Very occasionally , on the random 1-2 times a year that I think of him, it gives mea little zap of pleasure to know that my ex is still living on the same road as he was 25 years ago, in the same hideous little flat, with the same shitty family, same drug issues and he hasn't evolved at all even after several prison stays. He's living the same exact life and my world is so much bigger and happier and you know what? I deserve it. I fight to choice happiness every single day He beat the living crap out of me so often and convinced me that I would never do better than him and nobody would ever love me.

Ha! In your face you absolute loser.

5128gap · 27/09/2024 14:15

Living well is only 'revenge' if you believe the person who has wronged you wants you to be unhappy. Its often used in connection with cheating spouses, and tbh, I think its nonsense, as if they've moved on with someone else, they either couldn't care less how well you're living, or are relieved you're doing well enough not to be a bother or source of guilt to them. Personally I think the 'best revenge' in all cases is to harm the person as they have harmed you, as that is what revenge means. However this is not really viable as you may get arrested.

spicysugar · 27/09/2024 14:16

It's a hard one. I had to allow myself to feel angry for a while. Not bitter in a victimy way, just angry with the people.

I do think it drives people mad when you don't care about them one way or another though. Which can be quite satisfying.

But I don't think you can force it so I wouldn't say the 'go high when people go low' is very helpful and I'd try and avoid saying it to others.

FairyMaclary · 27/09/2024 14:17

Sometimes the best revenge is living well. Depends on the people.

My friends ex said to her ‘now we are splitting up my goal is to make you miserable for the rest of your life’. And he has tried. He has really tried.

Her buying him out of their house. Tidy kids. Full time job. Car etc. Boyfriend taking her for dinner. Well presented etc. Nothing flash just nice. It drives him insane. He is so angry. He wants her to rage at him. Cry. Beg for his return. Revenge would make his day as it proves he has got to her. He wants to see her angry.

He used to ring and cancel his overnight at last minute to mess up her plans - a polite ’No problem Brian, you can’t have the boys tonight? no problem it’ll be lovely to spend time with them - lads your Dads been called back to work go grab your coats, let’s go for dinner. Hopefully next week Bryan, have a great weekend’.

OneTC · 27/09/2024 14:18

Sounds like the kind of shite a persistent wrong doer comes up with.

Also what am I avenging? Hurt feelings or a dead relative?

SomewhereAround · 27/09/2024 14:19

5128gap · 27/09/2024 14:15

Living well is only 'revenge' if you believe the person who has wronged you wants you to be unhappy. Its often used in connection with cheating spouses, and tbh, I think its nonsense, as if they've moved on with someone else, they either couldn't care less how well you're living, or are relieved you're doing well enough not to be a bother or source of guilt to them. Personally I think the 'best revenge' in all cases is to harm the person as they have harmed you, as that is what revenge means. However this is not really viable as you may get arrested.

Perfectly possible to 'harm' someone in a non-violent, perfectly legal way. I made sure someone didn't get a prestigious job, for instance, by saying nothing but the truth -- that they were needlessly aggressive and difficult to get on with, and that other candidates had work of just as high a calibre without also being a terrible pain in the hole.

belle40 · 27/09/2024 14:22

I agree. You can't control how other people behave, you can only look after yourself as well as possible. I was just thinking about this today when I saw a new story about the ongoing nightmare divorce / court proceedings between Alice Evans and her ex today. I understand her hurt but it has been a long time and I think it is terribly sad to waste more time on people who have treated you badly. I think it really stops people being able to take control of their lives again.

piscofrisco · 27/09/2024 14:24

It is. Especially if your ex partner has any sort of narcissistic tendencies. They can't live with it if they think you are happy without them. Drives them nuts

PosiePetal · 27/09/2024 14:25

I saw something the other day that said (something like this): ‘imagine being bitten by a snake and spending your time trying to get revenge on the snake rather than on healing yourself.’

flamethrowerofdoom · 27/09/2024 14:27

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/09/2024 13:40

I think you are conflating two separate things:

  • yes living a good happy life is more productive than stewing over past wrongs. Unquestionably
  • But yes you should stand up for yourself

You can (and should) stand up for yourself when you need to but also accept with grace when something hasn’t gone your way and move on without bitterness.

Absolutely. Getting revenge is absolutely not the same as standing up for yourself.

The people I personally know who have been consumed with ideas of plotting revenge are very miserable and bitter and the sad thing is, its harming them, not the other person.

I also think that people rarely get away their shitty behaviour long term. I have seen multiple examples of what you might call "karma" but its not some spiritual woo woo thing, its literally just the fact that if you do bad things they will eventually come back on you because actions have inevitable consequences.

13Ghosts · 27/09/2024 14:29

The best revenge is to realise most people who "have wronged" you, are unlikely to even give you a second thought so don't give them the headspace either. Why waste your time or energy? Just live your life.

Molly546 · 27/09/2024 14:31

Standing up for yourself and petty revenge are not the same things. Being happy is of course better revenge than cutting up all your cheating exes suits - but in the moment cutting up his suits might feel very satisfying.

Normallynumb · 27/09/2024 14:43

This is what i practice.
I also got to the point of indifference with my ex husband.. Took a few years to get there.
My adult sons have no interest in him either.