School mums

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Hi , how would u react if a mum who u have met in school coffee morning and had a brief chat not greeting u ever ? Our kids clearly are getting on but for some reason she kind of always ignores me or doesn't make an eye contact at all to say hello .She goes up to other mum and greets her but not me , so weird . We don't even know each other to be to not like unless she just doesn't like me or am I overthinking? I just want to be civil as our daughters are very much playing together all the time . Other mums gives u at least smile or smth .I can tell she is diff towards me . Just feel the vibes are off .

I would think that she's talking to people she knows better.

Do you smile and say hello to her.

There could be lots of reasons, including the possibility that she simply doesn't like you. Or she's shy but knows the other mum better. If your kids get on, I would just let them do that and not worry about the mother.

I'd smile and say hello to her when I see her.

If that resulted in a snub I'd assume she doesn't want to know and just continue to be distantly polite when I see her 🤷‍♀️ no point engaging in any highschool-esque nonsense with people.

I wouldn’t react? You don’t know here, you exchanged brief pleasantries one time, you aren’t friends. She probably just wants to pick her kids up and get home without having to stop and talk to every parent.

Do you greet her?

She knows the other mum and wants to catch up with her

I'd make small talk with the parents at parties but there were only one or two that I'd stand with and chat in the morning or afternoon. I wasn't being rude just our children have been friends since toddler group and we saw each other socially outside of school pick ups.

@redskydarknight I try but she never looks at me .even today she walked past me to greet other mum . We been in situations where we could say hello but it's like she doesn't look at me .

Have you said hi to her?

Some people are just a little socially awkward and find this stuff a bit difficult- smile and say Hi and I'm sure she'll start chatting.

She doesn't want to, then. Why does it matter?

Just seen your update. I'd just leave her to it then. You don't have to be friends with her, so just leave her to it.

I don't want be friend . But just to say hello while our daughters are smiling at each other and saying hello. I just want to be polite . I guess this school mum thing is so new to me 🤔

Why is it always posters complaining about school mums specifically not being nice to them but then it turns out the OP never greets the person, never strikes up conversation, never says hi and all the blame is on the other person.
Some people have a very strange concept of what it’s like to send your kids to school. Women are expected to go out of their way to be nice and over the top friendly and accommodating to others even when they don’t know them and are trying to pick up their kids.

You don’t ever hear people complaining that they once had a 5 minute chat about the weather in work and now that man or woman doesn’t seek them out to greet them and chat every day.

It’s actually the school mums like OP that come across as really obsessive and weird.

I’m just trying to pick my kid up and rush home to get on with the evening! Surely I can’t be alone?

You could be describing me. There’s lots of school parents I’ve had a chat with once at a coffee morning or whose child plays with mine. I don’t dislike any of them and I’ll happily chat or respond if they say hello. But honestly it feels massively awkward to say hi to a couple of dozen slight acquaintances as we pass on the pavement every morning while we are all in a rush, talking to our children etc and I’m never sure if I know them well enough for a daily hello. I do go up and say hi to the parents I know well and think of as my friends - that’s not a slight to anyone else there. Maybe it’s my social awkwardness or overthinking on my part.

I guess what I’m saying OP is I think you’re overthinking it. She probably doesn’t dislike you, just doesn’t know you. If you want to be friendly because your children are friends then actually go up and speak to her rather than trying to interpret smiles and vibes.

@Singleandproud oh ok ,maybe I am overthinking. I just don't feel same vibe from others .Even today one girl came up to my girl and cuddle her . I didn't know mum but we at least smiled at each other . Just for politeness . I feel like she ignores me on purpose but maybe I am wrong . I just don't want to be awkward. Last time my daughter wanted to chat to her daughter it she turned back on me so I just had to tell my daughter to go as I felt she don't want me to talk to her .

I think there are at least one or two 'unfriendly' mums at every school (who blank people arbitrarily). It's not personal OP. But it is stressful if you want to facilitate playdates etc between your dds. If your dd really wants this then maybe keep trying with her- otherwise just be civil but stop making an effort I'd say!

She's just not that into you. Don't give it any more headspace. Gravitate towards the ones who do smile back and seem warmer towards you.

I think there are more shy or socially anxious people around than we realise. Having a conversation with someone you barely know can feel difficult so people seek out people they feel more comfortable with. My sons best pals Mum comes across as a bit frosty at first but I've had to persevere and be the first one to say hello and how are you and have you got plans for the holidays and that sort of thing. She is friendly to me now but I don't think she massively enjoys these interactions 😆

I'm terrifyingly shy and have been seen as offish with other mums as I will only go and talk to the ones who have actively sought me out often enough that I feel confident I will not be rejected. So I would give her the benefit of the doubt and hope one of us learned how to come over the shyness enough to actually become friends as we may have lots in common.

I get what you're saying OP. It would be so easy and cost nothing to smile as you pass and return a quick hello if someone says it to you. It just makes for a nicer atmosphere.

There may be various reasons why she doesn't.

She could be always stressed/ in a rush/ distracted. (I have ADHD and I'm often in a daydream. People have accused me before of blanking them or giving them dirty looks which I definitely never intended!)
She may have "face blindness". I know a lady like this. It took her about 2 years to learn my face and start returning my breezy hellos and we're quite friendly now.
She may just be a bit socially obnoxious and DGAF about niceties.
Or, a variation of the above, she might be someone who is anxious to get into/ stay in the Queen Bee's clique and avoids any sort of association with anyone deemed not worthy. This has happened to me (mums who were initially friendly at the start of reception until they figured I was not worth knowing, then acted as if I was invisible).

If it's the last two, she's not worth a moment more of your thought space, trust me. Just carry on being you. Your child will still make friends. The older they get, the less it is in the parents hands.

Thing is you don't want it to be awkward, but she probably doesn't want it to be awkward either. So it's easier to ignore you and talk to the person she probably already knows than try to strike up a conversation where she might be rebuffed.

If you want to talk to her then go and talk to her. Just say hello whether she is looking in your direction or not. Or go and join in her conversation with someone else. Or just let your acquaintanceship develop naturally through your occasional interaction as your daughters are friends.

Just because your kids play together it doesn't mean you have to be friendly to the parents of said child.
The school run is not where I want to make any contact with people as I'm in a rush.
Also maybe she just has other people she wants to talk to.
I find this notion on mumsnet mad that just because kids are getting an education together parents must be friendly too.

Let the kids chat. You don’t need to befriend the other child’s mother for that to happen.

Some people are just strange. There was a school mum from DC1's class who went on the same bus as me and the DCs. DC1 liked her DC but they weren't big buddies.

Anyway, my DCs ran onto the bus ahead of her, not great but not the crime of the century. She was muttering loudly under her breath about how rude my DCs were. After that, she would look right through me as if I didn't even exist. Before that she used to say hello, but no more than that. It's now 10 years later, I still occasionally see her and she continues to look straight through me.

Sadly there are women in the playground who behave like this and think they are still in high school, form cliques and overtly leave people out. I’ve got 3 kids, two year groups are great the other is awful and they act like a bunch of cruel 14 year olds. I want nothing to do with it.

Ignore her right back, be super friendly with the others, then she’ll suddenly want to know you if she thinks she’s missing out. Sounds childish but she is childish.

For the people dismissing it, they are probably the “popular ones” doing exactly this to others or don’t know what it feels like to have people behave in this way. I personally struggle with self esteem issues and something like this really knocks me, sounds like that might be true for you too.