To be ashamed that I used to look up to 'Supernanny'

[Celticliving]

I've been a nanny for over 25 years now. I used to look up to Jo Frost, and I would despair at some of the parents on her show.

Now I know how TV works, I'm a little less shocked but this link shows a family that I remember watching. I think I cringed all the way through but this explains so much.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeoTgp2U/

Firstly, the producers used to tell the kids that if they weren't really really badly behaved then they wouldn't get to be on TV..

I genuinely believe it’s because tv isn’t made for people over 25 now. It’s a real shame. Leave social media to be dopamine-hit heavy fluff and broadcast proper documentaries etc on tv. Constantly chasing the young for some outdated notion about advertising wanting to attract young eyes is bullshit.

Our old nanny was asked if she’d like to consider it. She didn’t but if she had she wouldn’t have been turned down for being soft, she ruled the house 🤣

The entire show always based on a lie, especially the reveal, but that's ok because it's tricky for formats where the plot points require a specific narrative conceit?

That kind of "reality" ?!

Do you work in "reality" TV?

I look back and I think how awful that so many kids were subjected to all of these shows and how they were treated. Do you remember ‘brat camp’? Just makes me shudder to think about.

I was a parent at the time and really disliked that programme because it felt exploitative but I do think there needs to be more teaching about parenting and support for families.

Haha yes! But at least there were no kids involved who couldn’t consent.

Reality TV is scripted and heavily edited of course, but I can't watch that tiktok video because the kid playing with the blind on the window ledge is stressing me out.

None of it was real. And a lot of what she taught had been disputed now.

You know we can see you edit history?

Both responses were rude

Yeah it’s pretty awful.

Yeah it’s awful tbh.

I always feel it's unethical to put children on telly (or the internet) who are too young to consent, especially when it's for being badly behaved. I think there's a real issue with this.

I always felt that Jo Frost came across as a bully. The way she spoke to some of those parents was vile. She threw food at one of them because she wasn’t serving what Jo deemed appropriate. I suspect many of the children filmed were also ND, and the whole process would have been traumatic for them.

I always felt that Jo Frost came across as a bully.

Yes.

Like a lot of these shows I think things got more extreme as they went on.

I love a reality tv "surprise" Greg Wallace following people round a supermarket and getting people to guess their bill and act surprised?

Surely, no one believes it?

I agree.

My grandparents used to have a curtain over the telly and put it on on Saturday for Grandstand and maybe the Wheeltappers and Shunters Social Club of an evening and that was it. They had the radio a bit but that was all.

They were relaxed, serene and interesting individuals with lots of projects going on. Making things in sheds, gardening and visiting their neighbours.

I would love to have what they had. If they needed to know anything, the bread man, the butcher, the rent man or the milk man would tell them.

Lovely.

I didn't think she had a speech impediment.

I thought it was her dialect.

Like I said, producers possibly made the wrong choice but they are under pressure to deliver a formatted show and by the time filming happens, there is a lot of investment in a particular story. It’s not easy to dump it and move on. Getting people to fake a reaction is unacceptable, though, and would not be considered good practice these days. Of course, you could have extricated yourself from the deception at any time. Why didn’t you?

‘Reality’ TV is a catch all title for tv with real people (not actors) in it. It’s not a good title because it makes the average person believe it’s documentary, when it’s produced more heavily. Nothing wrong with that, as storytelling is an art that requires careful choice of components, whether that is words or images, but it does mean people feel duped when the ‘reality’ is uncovered. Sorry you feel aggrieved - no one should come out of a filming situation feeling anything other than glad to have been a part of it.

There is a lot of subdivision included formatted (like SN, Secret Millionaire etc), constructed reality (TOWIE, MIC), whatever the fuck Love Island falls under (shame tv?). Some are more real than others, which is why I personally hate the term ‘reality tv’. It’s not used much in the industry, just the gen pop.

I would say that there has been a lot of really dodgy stuff in the past that wouldn’t be accepted now. Bear Grylls’ producers shipping in ‘wild’ horses from the nearest farm, dressing in a bear suit etc.

But most producers don’t have contempt for their contributors, you’re dead wrong there.

I don’t work in reality tv, but until recently worked in a technical field that brought me in close contact with crews for long periods.

Manipulative, performative abuse of children for viewing figures. Horrible idea altogether.

Just out of interest, what is a better method?

You don't need to label it the 'naughty step ' to the child. It was just 'mummy has put you here because you hit your sister. You will have time out until I come and get you '.

I don't see how that is cruel?

I think she had some valid points on how to speak to toddlers. I see a huge number of parents giving huge explanations about abstract things like feelings to two year olds who look bewildered. I know someone will be along to tell me this isn't how gentle parenting should work but I suspect I am not alone in witnessing this so it clearly isn't understood well if that's not the aim.

I liked the speed of timeout. Bad behaviour acknowledged but over and done with and made up with cuddles. Back to playing.

I saw a woman spend the whole hour we were eating out trying to explain to a small child that of course he could have the strawberry his brother had already chewed but it would be better to choose another one. Why not 'this one is dirty which if these would you like?'

Instead it was 'i know you are upset about not being able to have this one'...and on....and on.......

Perfectly put.
Changing your mind is normal, and healthy.

Removing from a situation is fine, as is communicating clear rules/boundaries 'we don't hit', but the next step if one wants to actually help a child learn and grow is to chat and listen and coach, not 'punish'.

On the subject to reality TV, My teenager has got me into Dance Moms. I feel like I am watching child abuse. That teacher is just such a nasty bully. I can’t believe parents subjected the kids to the toxicity of both the teacher and the mums.
Things were awful as recent as ten years ago.

I watched super nanny growing up and thought is was great entertainment. It likely shaped my views about parenting. (With hindsight probably ethically and morally not right though)

When I had my children (age 7 and 3 now) I was introduced to the whole gentle parenting concept which I believe is wonderful in terms of age appropriate consequences, giving some agency, teaching responsibility etc. The problem is the vast majority of parents, in my experience, are trying to be ‘gentle’ but are actually permissive. Their kids have no boundaries, they’re never told no, there’s too much negotiation, they are feral! I had 4 of my son’s friends over for birthday tea (age 6/7). I had to ask them not to scream (not excited screams or loudness, literal random shrieks whilst sat at the table), not to throw food, to leave some food for others to have rather than putting 8 oreos on their plate, not to climb on furniture. Basic manners and respect have gone out of the window. My son says his friends think I am strict. I have explained to him that I am guiding him to be respectful which is essential for life - and that it is my job as a parent to do so. My kids aren’t perfect by any means (no children are!) but I’d be mortified if they behaved like I’ve seen some others do, but seemingly their parents are oblivious or not strong enough to do anything about it and actually parent (SEN and other difficulties aside - to these parents, I salute you!)