Aibu to just want a home for me and my dc!?

[chubbycake]

Looking for a rental property for me (38 year old woman) and two dc (3 and 6) I work full time self employed and we get a UC top up. Total income £32k. We come from rental properties with no black marks.

We are leaving because my soon to be ex husband is an abusive horrible man.

NO ONE will rent to us in our area. They say I have to earn at least 30x the annual rent (which would be on average 39k) They all make excuses to avoid being discriminatory but one of the lettings agents claimed a property was not suitable for children as it had stairs… 😩

Private landlords are pretty much non existent.

I’m really struggling. What do single parents do? I have offered a guarantor and I have money ready for a deposit too!

It's scandalous really.

I don't know what you should do but I didn't want to ignore. Could you contact Shelter for advice? I am not sure if you're a priority for housing due to the abusive ex.

Ask at your local council if they have a list of accredited landlords.. All above board ones.. Universal credit also can assist with bond and deposit.. Maybe you could offer 3 months rent up front this way.? Personal and work references may also help. Take pics of your current home and how you have maintained it well to show you are a good tenant..

I was in this position before I got a HA tenancy. It's hard. What was successful for me was to not go through letting agencies and just make a private arrangement with a landlord on gumtree

Thank you, thats good advice. I will ask.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable and I'm so sorry you're in this position @chubbycake

It's an appalling situation and the UK urgently needs more social housing.

As you're fleeing abuse, I understand you should be prioritised for housing (you're also automatically "priority need" because you have children). Some councils are very reluctant to do their statutory duty, although it varies depending where in the UK you are. You need to approach the council as homeless - and if you have any difficulties get help from a local DV charity. It's probably a good idea to contact the charity anyway for support and advice on how to safely leave. I really hope you get somewhere safe and decent for you and your DC. X

(I hope you don't mind me asking and completely understand if you don't want me to. I'm on another thread about homelessness.

A couple of posters wrongly think people choose to be homeless and are all struggling with addiction or severe mental health issues.

Would you mind if I mentioned your post on that thread? I wouldn't link - don't even know how to link threads. I've been trying to explain how many people become or are at risk of homelessness simply because of the shortage of social housing and private landlords wanting quite high income multiples.

I really hope you don't mind me asking and again completely understand if you don't want me to mention your thread.)

The income multiplier thing is a bastard. This happened to me and the only way round it was to pay 6 months rent up front. Strangely after that no one cared what I earned.

By all means go ahead.

I’m really reluctant to go down the homeless route as I have two highly sensitive DC, one with ASD and they’ve just learnt we are separating. Its a lot for them and I know DV charities etc get us put into emergency accommodation which could be a hostel miles away from friends and school and we would have no idea how long we would stay there. I can afford to privately rent and I need to be close to my support system.

Just a thought and I realise it's probably not possible for you as I guess you've already looked into whether it's possible, but is your guarantor in a position to be your guarantor for a mortgage? I'm guessing the deposit is the problem though? I also don't know if it's a good idea as I've heard service charges can be quite high, although I think it varies, but is it worth looking into shared ownership?

I guess though even if that's possible you still need somewhere to live in the meantime. Contact a DV charity and hopefully they'll be able to help and advise you. Also make a homeless application with the council asap.

ETA. Thank you re my question.

I completely understand about not wanting to go the homeless route. I hope you can get good advice from the local DV charity. Re the council. You might be offered a refuge, which isn't like other homeless accommodation. It's safe and there's support.

Alternatively if you make a homeless application to the council, the accomodation offered needs to be appropriate - so they need to take into account you and your DC's needs. Social services might be worth contacting to help with this. If you make a homeless application, it doesn't have to be homeless accomodation. The council might help you find private rentals.

I wish that was possible but thats going to be a figure like £9k! I don’t have that.

We was made homeless and my kids have asd/adhd the council was really helpful got us a property as I showed them how a hostel/hotel wouldn't work. We had somewhere within 2 months. Is there no way he could leave?

I don't know what it is like in your area but I would also suggest Gumtree to find a private landlord

Could you explain more how that worked (if you are comfortable with it) what did you do in the 2 months you waited?

He’s left and is staying at a friends house but only temporarily, his brother owns this house.

I have tried, there are literally none!

@chubbycake what area are you in and how much is the average rent for a two bedroomed flat?

Hi OP. I'm in a similar boat and it's really shitty so you have my sympathies.

I just wanted to say though that I approached my local council with my situation (with evidence from Women's Aid that I was experiencing domestic abuse) and they gave me quite a high priority banding. I haven't had to move or make myself intentionally homeless or go into temporary accommodation or anything like that. I just explained that I would struggle to manage the rent for our current home by myself after getting STBXH to leave. I'm still waiting for a property, and in the meantime just about managing to pay the rent here by myself.

Just thought I'd share in case it's any help to you to know that social housing could be a viable option after all.

If you’re on Facebook - have you asked in the local Community type pages for rentals available?

Thank you that is helpful. I’m actually already on the housing register as I secretly registered a few years ago but I am lowest band and coming around 100th on properties.
I will approach the council. Do you go in and speak to them? I haven’t spoken with womens aid but I do have police reports to prove DV.

would rather not say the specific area but its a city and the average is £1300 a month.

Yes i’ve tried this!

@chubbycake
Let the council know about the police reports. You'll be given higher priority for DV. Definitely also contact women's aid for support.

I rang Women's Aid initially for advice about how to leave, and they suggested I approach the council. I literally called the main customer services number and they did an initial assessment with me over the phone, then a Housing Officer got in touch and did a more detailed assessment. I had to give supporting information from Women's Aid, which was essentially just a letter from them saying that I'd been receiving support, and then things like proof of address, birth certificates for my children etc. My income wasn't assessed at any point.

Their one stipulation was that they won't rehouse me in the immediate area I currently live in for safety reasons, but I'd reached a point where leaving him and having a safe and affordable home for me and the kids was more of a priority than staying where I am, as much as I love it here. I seem to be between positions 2-4 for all of the houses I've bid on so far, it's been about 2/3 months.

Hope that helps. It sounds like you could really benefit from giving Women's Aid a call and contacting the council and having your banding reassessed.

This is ever so helpful thank you.
I'm glad you are on your way to a happy and safe life now, I'm sure your home is super close!

The area thing scares me, all my closest friends and my children's school and nursery are here, they are very settled.

I went through this exactly until 6 months ago. Finding a Council house/HA in my area is simply impossible. Eventually managed to find a private rental but had to use a guarantor. However it might have got worse by now. I agree with PP about contacting the council again with the police reports etc.

I'll be honest, me too. We've lived in this area for a long time, kids are settled and happy, I've got friends here and the whole reason we moved here was for the schools. DD is due to go to secondary school next year and is worried sick about ending up at a different school to all her friends. But, same as you, I'm struggling to find/be accepted for a rental property that I can afford. The market is just ridiculous and rents are insanely high. Oh, and STBXH has just announced he'll be aiming to 'give' me as little as he can get away with in the divorce, so my hopes of being able to eventually get a mortgage are dwindling.

We live in a lovely area and were very comfortable on our two incomes, so it is upsetting to think about ending up in a council house in god knows where, relying on Universal Credit to make ends meet. So I totally get where you're coming from, it's scary. But try to think longer term. It would just be a stepping stone in the right direction, which is away from your ex and towards a safe and happy future. Good luck

I got a housing association property but I was homeless and living in a refuge with DS.

Sorry OP, I know it's hard.