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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

at the age of 41 to want another baby???

44 replies

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:36

ok here it is, im 41 with 3 kids, and have a mad desire to have 1 more, we are not very wealthy, and if i am honest struggle alot to make ends meet, but i am so so broody, this would obviously be my last, and i would like to think i am a good mum, and have a lot of love to go round!!
is it unfair on dh, as obviously i am not working, so the bread winning role falls on him? (i dont think he would mind either way though, he is a good dad, and very hands on)
my youngest is 15 months. any advice, positive or negative(i can take it!!) would be appreciated, cheers x

OP posts:

TheApprentice · 21/04/2008 17:38

Funnily enough I am also 41 and my ds is also 15 months and I am 23 weeks pregnant. However, dont have any more kids so issues are different for me. I would say its less about being 41 and more about whether you think you can manage financially (and emotionally but you sound very sorted there) tbh.

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:40

forgot to mention my oldest is 19, and can obviously take care of herself!!!!

OP posts:

evenhope · 21/04/2008 17:41

I am 44 with a baby of 13 months and 4 grownup kids.

If you're not working anyway there is no obstacle to your having another baby. Go for it!

hifi · 21/04/2008 17:42

im nearly 41, broody but cant have them, just trying to persuade dh to adopt another.

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:43

thanks apprentice, i dunno im all over the place, im sure i will get slated of my family, as we dont own our home, and dont have savings etc.. but i really feel quite strongly about this. I also suffer from depression, but its pretty much controlled, and i would like to say im pretty well adjusted
is it really tiring being pregnant with a 15 month old???

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katwith3kittens · 21/04/2008 17:45

Tricky....

you know all the risks are mounting up against you, but having said that 41 is not over the hill.

My concern would be the impact it had on the rest of the family, especially if things were a struggle beforehand.

Have you felt like this before ? madly broody I mean ? its not something I have ever experienced myself (approaching 40 with 3 kids, one 15months too .. so slightly nervous about your response )

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:45

thanks evenhope, i think i probably will, im just a little scared of friends and familys reaction!!!

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orangina · 21/04/2008 17:45

I'm 40, have a 1 and a 3 year old, and part of me would like #3, but most of me is happy with just the 2. Finances are an issue, but mostly I just feel TOO KNACKERED to do it again. If I was 5 years younger, I'd think about it for a few years more and see if I really wanted another or whether the feeling had passed.
In fact, I am sort of going to do that anyway, I'm giving myself until I'm 43. But I did give away all my baby gear last week, so am pretty much certain that 2 is plenty for me!

TheApprentice · 21/04/2008 17:46

I've got to say YES! but thats partly because some symptoms are stopping me sleeping (I get that restless leg thing) and also I'm very breathless which means physically its hard work. I only work one day a week though at the mo (well, obviously looking after ds is work too but you know what I mean).

Am expecting life to be quite challenging for first 6 months or so of new baby's life, and then hoping it will get easier and I will have got all the nappy changes/messy eating etc over quite quickly!

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:49

kat..... thats my concern, but i feel 1 more will kind of complete my family, i do worry alot though and want to go into this with my eyes wide open, i know money will be a massive issue, but its about love at the end of the day isnt it????
yeah i have been broody before, but was so scared to do anything about it, and thought everyone would think i was crazy, so i just waited for it to go away!! lol. however i know its now or never so to speak, and it is very very strong at the moment, the broody feeling.

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Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:51

sorry hifi, hope your dh lets you adopt, fingers crossed for you

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solo · 21/04/2008 17:53

Orangina, I gave away all my baby stuff then found out I was pg 10 days later! I freecycled and bootsaled it with the resolve that 'that is that!' ooops! be careful! have a very beautiful Dd now though! and was 42 almost 43 when I had her.

katwith3kittens · 21/04/2008 17:55

Yes, you are right there is always room for the people you love the most.

I know what you mean about completion tho, but happily I feel it with 3.

solo · 21/04/2008 17:56

Unfortunately, the facts are that babies can't live on love alone, they use up vast amounts of cash too...people usually manage somehow though...and you aren't fertile forever.

orangina · 21/04/2008 17:58

Solo! To be honest, I have given it to someone who is expecting her #1. I know that if push came to shove, I could get it all back. But it did feel very liberating getting rid of it all!
(I got rid of it... umm..., 8 days ago... !)
Nope, really don't need the excitement of another little one now. I found the 22 month gap between #1 and #2 challenging enough for me... not sure I could cope with it a second time! (Feel quite certain dh couldn't...)

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:58

orangina, i have felt like this for pretty much a year, and i know it wont be easy, luckily i have kept a hold of most of my baby stuff, and kind of figure, that i am at home with the little one all day, another one wont make a lot of difference to our routine, im probably well of the mark there though!!!
i think when you are broody, all rational reason sails out the window!!!!

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Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 18:05

i know solo, and thats where i kind of falter.... i want the best for my kids, and sometimes think if i have one more the little ones will suffer, iykwim??

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orangina · 21/04/2008 18:06

I was never broody before I had dd or ds, it's only now. Verrrrry strange, as I am the worlds MEANEST pregnant woman, don't glow, can't sleep, get depressed, etc, etc, etc. I suspect it's because that's IT, next stop menopause. All it takes is a few nights of crap sleep because one of them is up for 1/2 the night, and most of the broodiness is gone ...
How old are your other dc matildax?

muggglewump · 21/04/2008 18:11

Hmmmm.
YANBU to want it, You may be unreasonable to do it. Only you know that though.
Can you cope, can your DH cope, can your family as a unit cope?

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 18:13

dd1 is 19, (from a previous disastrous relationship) and then dd2 is 5, and ds as you know is 15 months.
i also HATE pregnancy, it really does not agree with me one bit, and i also get ridiculously emotional, and am a complete nightmare one minute, and calm and serene the next,
all my other pregnancies have not been planned, but have been very much wanted when i found out, i just feel it would be lovely to actually try for a baby, (although obviously thats not the reason for wanting another!!)
i know it wont be easy, but then nothing worthwhile ever is....... isnt it??

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 21/04/2008 18:15

matildax good luck whatever you decide.friends and family maybe surprised but thrilled too.

orangina · 21/04/2008 18:18

Someone once said to me (or maybe I read it here?!), what would your reaction be if someone told you that you COULDN'T have any more children?
(Mine was actually releif, took the decision making out of my hands and I am actually very happy with 2...).
Also, given that we are both slightly on the elderly side to be having sprogs, and the risks of things getting complicated are greater, would you be prepared to deal with a bad test result? Would you have the tests? I think that is quite a big issue actually....
What does your dh think?

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 18:22

yep mugglewump, thats the dilemma, as a family unit, yes i think we could, but my emotional state at times can come into question, and im frightened i will be piling too much on dh.
at the end of the day, i think i can cope and will cope (you have too dont you) but maybe i should give myself a little longer to think this through. will check back later, as son is crying!!!, i need to bath the little ones and get them ready for bed, thanks to everyone who has posted, i really appreciate it. x and will reply to anyone else who has posted when i come back later ok

OP posts:

MadameCh0let · 21/04/2008 18:23

What about adopting a baby girl from China? I'd consider that (if I were happily married etc...) I'm 38 and I couldn't go through it all again!! But I could face adoption in the right circumstances. Some people might think that was really odd. I don't know why I feel like that. My children are gorgeous and healthy, but in a parallel universe I would have been broody to adopt!!

Trolleydolly71 · 21/04/2008 18:34

Message withdrawn

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