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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

at the age of 41 to want another baby???

44 replies

matildax · 21/04/2008 17:36

ok here it is, im 41 with 3 kids, and have a mad desire to have 1 more, we are not very wealthy, and if i am honest struggle alot to make ends meet, but i am so so broody, this would obviously be my last, and i would like to think i am a good mum, and have a lot of love to go round!!
is it unfair on dh, as obviously i am not working, so the bread winning role falls on him? (i dont think he would mind either way though, he is a good dad, and very hands on)
my youngest is 15 months. any advice, positive or negative(i can take it!!) would be appreciated, cheers x

OP posts:

ipanemagirl · 21/04/2008 18:44

I'm 43 with one 7 yr old and a baby due in Sept. It horrifies me to think of going back to all that hard stuff but a baby couldn't be more welcome. We would have had more if we could but have only been lucky one and a half times. I don't think people often regret having children do they? Not in this day and age and in our society?

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 21/04/2008 18:47

ipa [and stearn look!]

i didn't even know you were pg!

Congratulations

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 21/04/2008 18:50

sorry matildax

I think that if you and your DH would both like another baby and you can cope financially (if this in an issue) then there is no reason for you not to go for it! Good luck

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 19:40

hi madamechOlet, we are not married, although very much together, just have never got round to marriage, (the thought of it scares me!!) plus we dont own our house and do not have any capital to adopt, if i was in a better situation, i would definitely consider that.
my most major concern is the impact on the little ones that i have, and of course the financial problem, but i love being a mum, and caring for my little ones. i have my off days, when i dream of a different life, without kids, but i wouldnt change anything i have for the world. i am not stupid, but to wait to see if my finacial situation gets better, could be time wasted as things might never improve.
orangina, i am not sure aboout the tests, when pregant with ds, they did the routine nuchal fold thing, but im not sure if i would go through with the tests if i was to go through with this again, i think you get what your given, although a disabled child would obviously be very difficult, people cope everyday, and i dont think i would be any different. my dh/dp is 9 yrs younger than me, so he has youth on his side!! and alot more energy that me,
my weight concerns me as i am very overweight and my pregnancy with ds was very uncomfortable cos of this, but i am being very strict with myself at the moment, and aim to lose around 3 stone before ttc.

OP posts:

Original poster

matildax · 21/04/2008 19:46

thanks sparkle
trolleydolly, i see what you are saying, that is why i have posted on here, so i could see others opinions in black and white, cos im very dolly daydream at the moment!! and dont think i am thinking straight,

OP posts:

ipanemagirl · 21/04/2008 21:23

Thnx Sparkles!! I've been in denial quite some time!

sorry OP!

solo · 21/04/2008 23:53

None of my pg's have been planned either. I was told that I'd never conceive without help and whilst waiting to start fertility treatment, splitting with h and starting a relationship with a new man...lots of sex, fell pg, mc'd. Long, long story, but the gist is that I would have loved to have sat and planned to have a baby with a loving man. It just didn't happen for me, so I know that feeling!
The finances are really tough and being a single parent is tough too, but I wouldn't change what I have with my two Dc's.

When pg with Dd, her daddy wanted me to have all the tests and paid for private scans to be quite sure, as we are both older Had the scans shown raised possibilites of health problems, he would've wanted me to have an amnio or cvs...I know that he would have pushed for termination if there were disabilities as he said he couldn't cope with a disabled child. I however, doubt that I would have chosen to do that and he would have walked I'm almost sure.
As it is, we have an almost odd relationship, but he absolutely adores and loves Dd to bits. All's well that ends well eh?
I think it's often a difficult thing to cope with children whether you are loaded or bread line. You may have lots of money, but no time for kids or resent that they wreck your house/car or social life.
You may have no money and feel the same...
I suppose I'm waffling a bit, but I think you have to accept the consequences that 1 baby or 6 bring along. Acceptance.
That's all. Acceptance that you take it all as it comes.

Original poster

matildax · 22/04/2008 09:03

thanks solo.
i think thats what i needed to hear, especially about the money thing, i will quote that if i get a lot of stick (which knowing my "stuck up" family, i will get in abundance!!!)

we have a much needed holiday booked for september, it is a huge luxury for us, and it is to a place that we love, (especially me) and it is there that i would love to fall pregnant.

in the mean time, i need to address a few things, mainly my weight, and my personal problems, which i am in the process of sorting out, so i suppose, i feel stronger than i have for a long time, and dont feel the need for approval of others, to follow my dreams iyswim??

i have a freind who was also told she could not conceive, and when she had pretty much accepted that, and looked into fostering etc, she fell pregnant!!!
it just shows that miracles do happen eh? xx

OP posts:

kslatts · 22/04/2008 09:25

YANBU, if your dh would also like another one I think you should go for it.

kslatts · 22/04/2008 09:25

YANBU, if your dh would also like another one I think you should go for it.

kslatts · 22/04/2008 09:25

YANBU, if your dh would also like another one I think you should go for it.

FreddysTeddy · 22/04/2008 09:37

I wouldn't say trying for a baby is that much fun, tbh. I know that's not your main reason for wanting to do it but you have mentioned it and ttc can actually be really miserable and depressing.

CountessDracula · 22/04/2008 09:42

I am 41 and considering IVF
I do only have one other though
Am rather scared of twins!

FluffyMummy123 · 22/04/2008 09:42

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 22/04/2008 09:43

argh
don't

Original poster

matildax · 22/04/2008 11:50

thanks everyone, dp, says he doesnt mind either way, although he is worried about money, space etc!.
he has been with me through some awful times, and been very supportive, even when i have pushed him away, and called him horrendous names, (mainly cos i have been feeling so miserable) but he has stood by me, and i feel we are pretty strong together.
its not something i aim to rush into, like i said i have a few bridges to cross first, but i used to be so concerned with what others would think, that through my life i have let this influence me, and then i would end up depressed, and feeling rubbish iykwim??
would just really like to make a decision that i (and dp) are happy with, and to hell with others approval!!!) i think i have resigned to the fact, that my family will never approve of my life choices, and in thier eyes everything i do, falls under question!!
at the end of the day i would like to think, its a happy mum and dad, that make for a happy home.... xx

OP posts:

solo · 22/04/2008 13:31

Well put matildax and good luck.x

expatinscotland · 22/04/2008 13:36

YANBU but better you than me.

Original poster

matildax · 22/04/2008 19:04

thanks solo, and everyone else.
who knows in a few months i may be expecting dc4!!!!

OP posts:

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