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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

8 year olds school project gone wrong!

61 replies

AzureMantaRays · 26/09/2024 06:44

Firstly I would like to quickly explain that this is the first time I have ever posted, so apologies if I don’t explain myself fully or too much!

My son is 8 years old, his class are doing a project at school over the full term, where they design and then present a new “food or drink” product. They have been separated into small groups of 3/4 pupils. My son was really excited initially at the prospect and came home immediately designing some wacky and fun ideas…things like magic burping drinks and hotdog shaped crisps!

The next week he then returns home very upset as his group have chosen to design a fizzy pink wine drink for adults. He explained that only one child in the group had wanted this idea and that they had managed to dominate the discussion. We discussed ways he could promote his own ideas and ways he could encourage the group to be more democratic.

After a chat with my partner, (he is a GP and I am a social worker) I also then wrote to the teacher expressing my concern that firstly the group wasn’t hearing everyone’s voice, and secondly most importantly we had concerns how appropriate it is for 8 year old children to be thinking about and promoting alcohol.

The teacher replies stating that they had witnessed some of the groups discussion, that they thought it was a “sweet” idea and they didn’t think the children had intended for the wine drink to be alcoholic. They said if I wanted to discuss further to talk to them.

We agree with my son that he will go back to school and try to address it himself, talking to the other opposing members in the group (there are only 3 children..so the idea is only coming from one child) and making a new idea, going with the majority.

He came home yesterday so upset and crestfallen. He said that both he and the other group member had said they didn’t want this idea, however when the teacher asked the group to confirm their product she had spoken out first, so wine it is!!!

I feel that this is really unacceptable on a few levels, including what I consider a safeguarding issue. Yes children are aware of alcohol at age 8, they understand it’s for adults, however do I want my son thinking about it in such a positive and ill informed way! I think it’s a PSHE topic, which should obviously be approached but when they are older. I would much prefer his mind to be consumed with magic burping potions and hotdogs!!!

I really don’t know how to proceed. I don’t want to create any unnecessary pressure for my son, it’s not really his responsibility to police the group, I also don’t want to be that overly anxious “helicopter” parent…whatever that means!!!!

What do you think??? Would you be ok with it? Should I approach the teacher again? Should I encourage my son to go back and challenge it even though it might make him anxious? I’m in a bit of a pickle about this! All advice welcome please.

OP posts:
Yalta · 26/09/2024 10:41

Sorry typo Only read the opening post

Beth216 · 26/09/2024 10:41

MartinCrieffsLemon · 26/09/2024 10:39

We used to drink Shloer as "wine" when children. A fizzy pink "wine" drink like that wouldn't be alcohol. So long as they aren't using phrases like "will get you drunk" etc then I wouldn't think alcohol.

What about when one parent objects to his "burping drink" because they think burps are bad manners and poor taste and don't think children should be encouraged to behave like animals? Or one complains because his hot dog shaped crisps promote unhealthy eating and junk food?

Trying to place your own, personal, judgements on things only makes it hard for everyone

Yes and we used to pretend to smoke candy cigarettes too. I wonder why you don't see them any more?

M340 · 26/09/2024 10:44

Yes the wine is inappropriate but if someone came to me and said their child felt 'crestfallen' over effectively a squabble over a made up food or drink, I'd hysterically laugh internally.

Upset. Just say your child is upset.

GuestFeatu · 26/09/2024 11:21

tattygrl · 26/09/2024 10:37

This is the most middle class, hand wringing nonsense. You emailed his teacher saying you're concerned "not everyone's voice is being heard"? Helping your child process his disappointment and guiding him on ways to practice being assertive is great, but this is all a bit much for one small school project. It might benefit him to also learn how to roll with the punches a bit and keep things in perspective. Getting this in the weeds about one tricky bit of group work is just not sustainable.

But, but they are a GP and a social worker dontcha know! Their opinions are professional

Ablondiebutagoody · 26/09/2024 11:54

You are seriously trying to micro manage your son's group DT project and ban another child's idea? Sorry OP but that's ridiculous. Imagine if all the parents tried the same. School classrooms don't work like that.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 26/09/2024 12:19

Beth216 · 26/09/2024 10:41

Yes and we used to pretend to smoke candy cigarettes too. I wonder why you don't see them any more?

Well they were deliberately designed to look like cigarettes...

Mocktails also exist, often aimed at children

Maria1979 · 26/09/2024 12:55

I think there are two different things here:

  1. Wine is alcohol and children should not promote it in any way. Why not cigarettes or drugs while we're at it? Make it clear to the teacher that you don't find it appropriate for 8 year olds to promote wine in any way and they will have to change it.
  2. Your son can not always "win". Apparantly there is one person in the group who is very strong willed. Your son did his best but you be better off to teach him that it's not the end of the world if our ideas don't get chosen instead of trying to find ways to make him "win".
AzureMantaRays · 26/09/2024 13:04

Thanks for your input, some of the points raised have been really helpful.
We have found a way forward and thankfully the teacher has now agreed the alcohol aspect is not appropriate for 8 year old children.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 26/09/2024 14:01

We have found a way forward and thankfully the teacher has now agreed the alcohol aspect is not appropriate for 8 year old children.
So your voice was heard and you got your way.

Whyherewego · 26/09/2024 14:08

notacooldad · 26/09/2024 14:01

We have found a way forward and thankfully the teacher has now agreed the alcohol aspect is not appropriate for 8 year old children.
So your voice was heard and you got your way.

Her voice was heard and they are no longer doing something that is inappropriate for that age group

notacooldad · 26/09/2024 14:55

So your voice was heard and you got your way.

Her voice was heard and they are no longer doing something that is inappropriate for that age group

I'm not wrong though!!

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