To not want to sit at a tAble with strangers for an intimate meal?

[LilacWriter]

My partner used to be really good at booking things but lately has got lazy with it. So this weekend I said, please book somewhere

He has and it's a nice looking restaurant with a tasting menu. The issue is you have to sit at a long table with random strangers. On the one hand, this already makes me feel uncomfortable. On the other, I don't want to discourage him from booking places now he's taking initiative!

YABU - suck it up and enjoy the experience
YANBU - choose somewhere else

If he knows OP would hate it (and it is slightly coincidental that he booked somewhere so unusual isn't it), then perhaps she won't ask him to do it again.

Like men who intentionally fuck up the laundry so they're not expected to do it.

Just give it a go. I think you're really overestimating the amount of interaction with strangers that will be expected.

But more importantly, you asked him to just pick something because you've got too much on your plate and it seems like he tried to select a place that will be a treat. Absent any specific info he should know (like you've been to this or a similar restaurant setup before and told him you didn't like it, or you have dietary restrictions that will be difficult to accomodate there), I think he'd be pretty reasonable to be frustrated if you now said he's done it wrong. That could easily feel like a "read my mind" test and I wouldn't blame him for being even more unwilling to book a place on his own in the future.

You are not compelled to go and sit next to someone. Just leave a chair or two empty between you and the next person. And as for this "I'm such a private person" rubbish, do you think other people want you to come and plonk yourself right next to them. Fuss over nothing.

I've eaten there on more than one occasion. It's been a mix of very chatty, not chatty at all, and probably not much fun for one couple who were on the end of our big group one time. But it's just a dinner, the food is amazing, the tables aren't that long by the way. Don't overthink it, just go and do it.

Yeah, that's not how it works at a fully booked communal table-style restaurant.

But he doesn't know she will hate it - OP has made some assumptions about it that are likely wrong.

There's no way he's booked the Gardener's Cottage because he thinks OP will hate it.

This sort of arrangement isn't that unusual. Try any Wagamama restaurant, for example.

You don’t have to share any private or personal details with the strangers on your table OP.

You either might all ignore each other or it may go the complete opposite way and you find yourself chatting to some really lovely people.

Suck it up and enjoy. Come away with 3 interesting things about the stranger next to you, and maybe your partner will regret his booking if you are chatting away to someone not him- it’s not like you wouldn’t answer if he complained ‘what? Are you serious? You go and book a meal where you get sat with strangers and then get mad I was talking to them? Don’t book that place next time then.’

Exactly this. You're right!!

This isn't the first time I'll want him to take something off my plate as I plan most everything else.

So....going to suck it up. The coincidence of @weebarra actually having been to the place as a fellow introvert is a bit more reassuring.

I agree.

Surely not every time you go out to dinner has to be an intimate occasion.

You might have fun.

Definitely not @LBFseBrom it's just been ages since we had a dinner out just the two of us.

Honestly, I’ve done this before, by myself, and it was great. Obviously it’s not for everyone, but they turned out to be evenings full of great conversation and food. Give it a go, you might find you like it.

An introvert is just someone who finds being alone restorative, it’s not the same as social anxiety. Just as an extrovert doesn’t necessarily love public speaking, they just feel energised by others. There’s no reason an introvert - I am one - wouldn’t enjoy this experience. I’ve been to a few similar things and enjoyed them.

As an introvert, no dinner out is going to re-energise me the way time at home with a book will.

To be fair us extroverts also find alone time restorative. While we get our energy from other people, we also need time alone to decompress. I just wanted to make that point as there seems to be a prevailing misconception in the world that no extrovert needs or wants time to themself and it’s simply not the case, everyone needs alone time. For me it’s so that I don’t overcharge my social battery. Anyway I agree with @AGoingConcern - enjoy your meal OP!

It wouldn't bother me and I'm not one to talk to random strangers. I doubt the other people on the table would care or be interested in talking with you anyway. Just want to enjoy their meal

So this thread isn’t about oral sex in public then. Maybe I am doing intimate meals all wrong.

I’ve eaten in a lot of places like this and I used to go to a dinner club like this. Basically people are as social or not as they want. Often I’d be social but if people make it obvious they don’t want to chat I leave alone. Equally when I was on a date or wanted a good chat with a friend is be polite and then ignore, never found a problem. I think you should go and be grateful, men can take criticisms really to heart and he might think why bother. Also he might be really looking forward to it

I'm a fellow introvert but when I tried this experience I loved it. The interesting food is an additional point of conversation and is a fun and easy thing to do if you've had a stressful week. Do try it!

The Gardeners Cottage is an amazing experience, absolutely stunning. He’s done so well booking this it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you’re considering not going!!!

We did this at a place in our honeymoon and it was brilliant.

I’d go for it, if I’d booked this and DH turned his nose up at my choice, I’d not be happy.

Just because you sit with other people doesn't mean you need to talk to them.

It's just easier for the restaurant to present each course of tastes.

I've been somewhere like this with a friend and we sat opposite each other and talked to each other and didn't feel we had to engage with the others nearby.

Fellow introvert here. I’ve been to a restaurant where the seating is in benches. Everyone keeps themselves to themselves. I’m a quality time person too, but quality time doesn’t always equate to intimate conversations. Why don’t you enjoy the (apparently great!!) meal and enjoy the experience, then go find a cosy corner of an up market bar for a cheeky cocktail afterwards and some more intimate conversation if that’s what you’d like.