For making DS go to school when he does this?

[HappySats]

DS is in last year of primary. Me and his dad aren’t together but he has a large presence and influence in his life.
DS is currently unwell with a viral cold, normal cough, tickly throat. No temperature. DS is a gamer, his PlayStation and gaming with his school friends are what he would do all the time if he could. I have the rule of if we have nothing on and his homework is done he can play. If he’s feeling ill then don’t play as the stress and excitement sends him all over the place. If he does play he must go to school the next day, as I see it that if he’s well enough to play, chat, laugh and scream on there he’s well enough for school. He has understood this rule but with age and hormones starting to push it. For the past two days he’s played the PS and then got up in the morning saying he’s too ill for school, I’ve not backed down on my rule explaining to him he was well enough last night. Obviously I’ve checked his temp etc and he’s fine. Now my ex has become involved saying DS is a child and too young to understand that he might feel worse the next day or how he just made a mistake going on there. Honestly you’d think I’d sent him in at deaths door.
Am I being too harsh or is this normal parenting and teaching DS that education is the priority not gaming, if he’s ill gaming stops before days off from school?

No you haven't been too harsh. You did the right thing x

I think it's unreasonable. Send him to school or not based on whether he's ill, not on whether he was playing a computer game, the two just aren't linked.

I think you are expecting too much impulse control from a dc to prove they are ill by choosing to forgo a favourite activity.

Clearly it is perfectly possible to play a game while ill, it's a sedentary, home-based activity.

How about trying it the opposite way round - if he doesn’t go to school that day then no PlayStation that day/night.

In fact if he’s even trying the “I’m too ill for school” thing of a morning I’d be saying ‘oh dear, better have an early night tonight then with no PlayStation’.

And mean it.

I always said if you are well enough to be playing out you are well enough for school. Same with the playstation, only after homework and chores (if any) are done.

I think Sauvi has it. Your approach makes sense but it's just the wrong way around. It's not just for his benefit you keep him home when he's ill, it's also to stop him spreading it around.

Use the parental controls to disable the PlayStation on days he is ill.

You are right. He’s got a cold. If he’s well enough for gaming he’s well enough for school. Offer him Calpol if he complains.

I agree with this. It has more logic to it. If you're not at school you can't stay home playing PlayStation.

I wouldn't send him in to school if he was obviously unwell, just because he played PlayStation the night before.

You could do what we had to do as kids, if you are ill from school, you have to stay in bed. No anything, you should be sleeping it off.
Maybe you need to reduce his gaming time.

Agree you have it the wrong way around. He could genuinely become unwell overnight and feeling ok yesterday doesn’t mean he’s not sick today. But if he’s too ill for school today then he’s too ill for playstation today.

Our rule was simple - if you can get up and get dressed you go to school. Admittedly DS once fainted while getting dressed and DD had to be brought home from school by PE teacher but basically it worked. As I told my pupils when I was a teacher, if you are well enough to go downstairs and watch videos/ play games, you do not have the flu.

Also agree you’ve got it the wrong way round. I went to the gym last night. This morning I feel like shit with a sore throat/bad sinuses etc. I didn’t know last night that I was going to feel like this this morning.
If he’s too ill for school then no gaming today. It’s entirely nonsensical to link it to what he was doing yesterday.

Forgot to explain, when he is really ill he won’t play the PS he doesn’t even need to be told, he came down with this on Sunday and did lay in bed all day not talking or playing, so I knew he was ill. When he starts playing again I know he’s definitely feeling better. That’s partly why it’s used as a measurement of how ill he is.

I think you're going along the right lines but the wrong way round.
Being ill one day isn't related to whether or not he played on the PS yesterday. It's quite possible to be fine one day but wake up feeling rotten then next day.

If he's too ill for school then limit screen time that day. So he doesn't get the message that sick day equals 6 hours of game time. He can sleep off the illness or read or do quiet things.

If he's well enough for school, then once homework is done, he's well enough to play PS that evening.

I’m with you. I also don’t allow gaming or screens during school hours if dc are off as they are too ill to go to school they can rest in bed or on sofa with a book. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had an apparently dying child at 8am who’s positively perky by 10am and bored thereafter. Mild illness go to school.

The OP isn’t saying that if he has the day off he can’t game while he’s off ill, though. She’s saying that because he gamed last night after school, he can’t have today off because he was well enough to game last night.

I think a lot can change between the night before and the next morning, so it could well be that he’s too ill to go to school even if he felt okay the night before.

But for a cold, sore throat, tickly cough with no fever, I generally as a rule send them to school. My approach is that I’d rather risk them being in and being sent home than missing a day and feeling fine by 10am. School says to do exactly this: send them in unless they have a fever or d&v or obviously quite poorly, and they’ll make the call if they think they’re too ill to stay and will ring. School attendance matters. My guess is your ex won’t be the one looking after him at home or dealing with the ramifications of poor attendance.

You know him well enough to know if he's genuinely unwell or at it. If in doubt keep him home, but no PlayStation that day at all. If you think he's trying it on, send him to school, they'll soon call if he is unwell during the day.
I'd also make sure he's winding down before bed and going to bed at a reasonable time. We started having an issue with gaming right before bed and being on group calls with his friends. The knock-on effect was that he would be too hyped up to sleep and then feel 'unwell' (tired) the next day. We've stopped that now, and things are better for him.

We do more or less the same op.

Had this last week with ds2 (14). He was unwell on Saturday with a heavy cold (no temp, just generic bad cold). Slightly better on Sunday but still tired. He did go on his Xbox on Sunday but not much.

Decided to let him have Monday off. He slept until 10am, got up, visibly looked and seemed better. Got better again throughout the day and by 7pm I was threatening him with violence if he didn't lower his damn voice when Gaming...standard whooping, shouting animatedly at his friends, etc. Clearly feeling fine.

Tuesday morning...well, the poor dab felt too ill for school apparently.

Nice try sunshine. If you're well enough to be shouting at your Xbox all evening and running up and downstairs for snacks and drinks, you're well enough for school. Out you go.

I agree with the others about it being the other way around because you're judging based off how well he was the day before - it can change overnight. I definitely do no TV and no games if they are home sick though.

I'm with you OP.

I've heard my friend's son whooping and shouting whilst gaming. It's loud, it's energetic, it's anything but calm.

There is no way someone could sustain that level of animation if they were feeling ill!

I agree, I think you have the idea right but the order the wrong way round. If he’s too ill for school, fine but he needs to rest all day and evening - I.e no PlayStation on the days he is off sick. It is normal to be fine one day and ill the next (I.e that’s how illnesses start) which your rule doesn’t allow for.

This is the line we have taken with both of ours. We stuck to it religiously. Ours were rarely off school as a result and only when I could tell they were not well enough to go.

You can't be knocked for trying your reach him an important in my book. Problem is being unwell doesn't stop us from "having fun". It's like telling an adult if you're ill but well enough to go to the shop or watch films then you're not unwell enough to not go to work

Trying to teach *

An important lesson * lol sorry