For making DS go to school when he does this?

[HappySats]

DS is in last year of primary. Me and his dad aren’t together but he has a large presence and influence in his life.
DS is currently unwell with a viral cold, normal cough, tickly throat. No temperature. DS is a gamer, his PlayStation and gaming with his school friends are what he would do all the time if he could. I have the rule of if we have nothing on and his homework is done he can play. If he’s feeling ill then don’t play as the stress and excitement sends him all over the place. If he does play he must go to school the next day, as I see it that if he’s well enough to play, chat, laugh and scream on there he’s well enough for school. He has understood this rule but with age and hormones starting to push it. For the past two days he’s played the PS and then got up in the morning saying he’s too ill for school, I’ve not backed down on my rule explaining to him he was well enough last night. Obviously I’ve checked his temp etc and he’s fine. Now my ex has become involved saying DS is a child and too young to understand that he might feel worse the next day or how he just made a mistake going on there. Honestly you’d think I’d sent him in at deaths door.
Am I being too harsh or is this normal parenting and teaching DS that education is the priority not gaming, if he’s ill gaming stops before days off from school?

I was poorly Monday - Wednesday, started getting better but Friday evening I felt a bit rough, sore throat & coldy but I still managed to have a nice evening. I woke up properly poorly at 3am on Saturday and I still feel like utter crap. A 10/11yo is old enough to know how they feel, the night before is not an indication of how you'll feel 12h later.

Going off track but screen time and not going outside before age 20 irrevocably damages eyesight for kids - ive jyst forked out on expensive glasses for my dd due to eye strain (books and ipad). I'd be adding a time limit and having screen free days anyway. I'd also be sending him to school if it's just a cold unless he looks full of it. I agree with pp that gaming should be earned. You're giving the treat before the task.

Yes I remember my Dad doing that. It seemed to instantly cue my brother's morning ailments that seemed to make him unwell enough to go to school but better by 3pm to go out and play with mates

When my son is sick I don’t make being at home a treat, it’s enforced naps and reading and the day before he goes back I make sure he gets all his catch up homework done. Obviously I’m kind etc and provide him with a first class nursing service but I say “you’re not on holiday, you’re sick and need to rest”. But ultimately he loves being off school and I try not to make it attractive to him 🤣

he’s normally relieved to escape matrons sanatorium

I think your doing it the wrong way round, instead of "if you play, you go to school", it should be "if you stay off school, you don't play". That way you make the call based on if he's well enough, but he's less likely to exaggerate symptoms.

I let my kids play on their devices when off sick. They get bored otherwise as I'm working. I don't think if he appears.well enough send him in but if not don't send him in just because he feels well enough to play a game. Seems a strange rule to me.

I wonder how many people saying their kids aren’t allowed to watch TV or use screens when they’re ill follow that same rule for themselves?
If mine are off sick then I’ll happily let them watch a film on the sofa with a blanket etc, and I do the same myself when I’m ill.

I actually think it’s both ways round! if he’s up gaming the night before he can go in and they will send him home if they feel it necessary, if he doesn’t go, no gaming for he day either as he’s clearly too ill.

I would allow TV or a film though if he was off, I wouldn’t limit screen altogether, just no gaming as it’s too involved and if they have the concentration to do it they could be concentrating on school.

As for your ex-h saying he can’t understand, he’s 11 years old, he will understand exactly what you teach him which is why you are right on this one mum.

I think playing a computer game and going a full day in school are two different things and a lot can change during the night, I can tell when my son is at it or not

Mine don’t stay off for a cold. Unless they’ve an underlying condition such as asthma which might be exacerbated by it then they can usually cope. Flu would be different. They don’t even ask as they hate being off. Enforced quarantine during Covid was the worst for them. Our school have said to send them in with extra calpol if they’re poorly with a cold type illness. The only deviation is D&V or something like chickenpox.

My teen DD was off Friday as she had D&V. She has been to school and been to her evening activity she usually does and then went to bed. An hour later she was throwing up. She was up and down most of the night, as was I to help her. My youngest DD got up and went to school and I called the sick line then eldest DD and I went back to bed for a couple of hours. After she woke up I told her she had to stay on her room - more so she was closer to bathroom and so she wasn’t sick anywhere else in the house to try and contain the germs. She was on and off her phone/ipad all day though and napped in between. The 48 hour rule part of D&V is harder though as she was feeling 100% better yesterday, hadn’t been sick since the day before but was still having a bit of the D. But that was yesterday morning. Now she’s perky and bored but I’m keeping her quarantined for the 48 hours to be safe re passing it on. So she’s on her devices probably more than normal now as she’s missed a whole day of weekend activities yesterday and will miss today’s as well.

I can go to bed feeling well and wake up feeling awful. However kids often get a tummy ache or headache first thing that magically gets better. They don’t recognise the nervousness or anxious feelings they may have about the day ahead.

the gaming the night before doesn’t mean he can’t be unwell next day. If he says he is poorly and then bouncing round by 10am then take him to school

let his dad arrange the childcare if kid wants to stay home

This is the answer.

Out of curiosity, what time does he play until? Is it a case of he is exhausted from playing all night? Or he has a cold and it has settled on his chest overnight, making him feel like crap in the morning, but easing as the day goes on?

I wouldn't let my son stay off with those symptoms. If he's really ill and stays off I don't mind what he does if he feels up to it, but if he manages to be at home and isn't ill beyond a cold I wouldn't let him play games.

disentangling illness and use of the PS could help. It is possible to play games, watch tv when unwell, in fact it can be helpful when feeling rubbish. To help with this can PS use be limited to an hour a day, if work done etc?