Parent being scammed - won't take advice

[ScamFuckers]

My dad (75) called me a few months ago to say that he had called a number he found a few pages into Google listed as their contact number. He told me that the very helpful person he spoke to said that his account had been compromised and for a fee they could help him. He rang me to get my card details having already given them my phone number (he doesn't have a mobile) and his address.

I googled the number, saw it was a scam and said to him not to go any further at which point he said he knew there was something wrong. But had I not said it was a scam he would have given them my card!

Today he has called again. It's his birthday next week and apparently he has had an email from Evri saying they have a parcel...he clicked on the link, put in his name and address and my mobile number and then again called me for my card details.

I said again it was a scam and he said again he realised it was - but he obviously didn't and it's only when I say it's bad he backtracks. I asked him to forward the email but he said he had deleted it.

How the hell can I get through to him that these are scams? I have said if it's not addressed to him with his name it's dodgy; that he can click on the sender's email address and it'll show it; that he can forward emails on to me if he's unsure.

He does have a debit card btw, his eyesight isn't great so he can't read the numbers easily. He lives by himself but not far from us and we do see him often and speak daily.

Bastard scammers.

AIBU to hope they rot in hell.

When my Sdad had a similar issue we (with his agreement) covered over the 3 number code on the back of his card that he needed to use for online or ove rthe phone payments but he could still use the card in shops. I had a note of the number so could give it to him if he needed it and it meant that if I thought there was anything dodgy I could check with him

That’s awful,

have you thought about getting POA for your dad? Also, you can set up land line numbers now to only let certain numbers (known) through.

my dad got scammed before and now I tell him not to give card details to anyone who has called him. He had to run it by me first 😂 but seriously, I just say to him, to assume every cold call is a scam.

Not unreasonable. They deserve lengthy jail terms for preying on the vulnerable.

Absolutely this. There is nothing “victimless” about these crimes. The impact on victims is more than just financial; it can shatter people’s self-esteem and trust and confidence in themselves and others. It’s the lowest of the low preying on the most vulnerable people.

change his telephone number and email, as he will now be on a list and be relentlessly targeted. I had similar and worse with DF.

Mobile provider were very good at changing his number and sending out new sim free of charge when we explained that he was elderly and had been scammed repeatedly.

We set up a new gmail address for him, & I had remote access. And on his landline we installed a truecall that only let through added trusted numbers. Everyone else had to leave a message which he or I could listen to, and decide to accept or not. The main problem with it was hospital or doctors calls, as they either withhold number, or use different numbers, so these were all given my number.

sadly they were very persistent and started writing to him.

He is very independent and I don't think would give me POA (although I am listed as executor of his will). I think he would think POA would be infantilising him.

DH and I come from a place of 'all unsolicited emails or calls are scammers, selling something or we are not interested' until they prove otherwise (or as PP said, like hospital appointments!).

There are quite a few good browser extensions that will highlight things that potentially look dodgy as he's browsing the web, might be worth looking into.

Some anti-virus software highlight/warn about dodgy search results too.

You can also report sites to Google.

This is very frustrating. If he is still independent and has no learning difficulties or dementia then I'd have stern words with him! 75 isn't really that old to be repeatedly falling for scams.

I did have stern words and DD told me I was being too harsh, so I have apologised to him.

Feeling a bit unsure as to how to handle it, really. Good advice so far but it's whether he'll actually listen.

I would sit him down and watch a few episodes of Scam Interceptors with him - BBC, sure you can get it on iplayer. It shows how these people operate, and exposes who they are. It's not patronising and gives practical advice on what to do. He might take it better from a third party rather than from his nearest and dearest.

It'll be pretty harsh if he loses thousands of pounds to a scammer!

Report it to the police and they will come and give him a 'scam education' chat.

POA is important to do ahead of time. I would have a proper chat about. We did it when my parents were about 60.

Hes only 75 not 95, I’d be worried he keeps falling for this.

Why does your dad want your card details? Does he not have his own card?

Read the thread, he has but his eyesight is poor

Can you go to the bank with him to inform them of these attempted scams so that they can put some sort of flag or possibly limitation on his account, e.g. how much can be taken out at one time without checking and obtaining special authentication? I'm not sure if you can discuss his account with them on your own, as client confidentiality and etc might come into play.

I had a call on my work phone. It was from a scammer number - 17.000 searches! I never answer them
Tell him not to answer any unknown numbers or to click on any texts until he asks you.

sadly they were very persistent and started writing to him.

This is scary. How do they know his address?

Yea. I would reiterate a previous Poster, to go with him to his bank if there's even still a local branch open and have words with them.

This is a scary development with elderly parents becoming more vulnerable.

These wankers make me so mad. A friend’s elderly father was conned into one of those equity release things - he was in his late 80s and not quite with it anymore, and got persuaded to sign over 51% of the house, which had been the family home since forever, in return for £5k ‘equity release’. Total value of the house was c.£400k. His children were furious and tried to reverse this through solicitors, but there was nothing that could be done as the contract was watertight. Poor man was absolutely devastated when it was explained to him by his family what he’d done. Because this scamming company owned the majority share of the house, they couldn’t even make any changes to the property without seeking permission 😡.

I think you have to be a nonjudgmental as possible and just keep telling him stories of emails you’ve received that you found to be scams. It’s a bit of a balance but when I explained it to an elderly loved one. I said that email and websites are now like random people who walk up to you on the street and try to tell you they are somebody legitimate to get money from you. I explained how phone numbers can be spoofed and I could send him an email saying I was a trusted company. In other words don’t get frustrated, don’t talk down to him, explain why these things work. Nobody wants to be made to feel like an idiot.

God bless him he took it to heart when I told him how online scams work. Now I have to be careful that when I send something legitimate by email, like an their annual audible subscription I have to let them know it’s coming and it’s ok to click the link if I’ve added our cats names to the message. I learned this the hard way when they deleted several emails that were legit.

I had this with my Mum. She was always so trusting, and used to tell me cheerfully about the nice man on the phone who she'd given her card details to. She was also conned into getting a new kitchen she didn't need, or even like. I flitted between being really sad that she'd been duped, and really angry. But I also feel very sad and guilty now remembering how I would sometimes get cross with her, when that anger was misdirected. She has passed away now, so I can't apologise.

Useful info here: Stop Fraud

I think the positive to take from this is that because of his eyesight, you actually do have a protective system in place.

I would probably set up a special summary justice system for scammers, so luckily I'm not in charge.

Giving power of attorney to you is a rational choice he could make to protect his own interests. It is clearly unimaginable to some people that they might ever reach a point where either they can make decisions but struggle physically (finance POA allows you to do the legwork executing his decisions) or that they will be genuinely unable to make significant decisions but still alive (in which case, without the POA, doctors and social workers will make the decisions for him).

these people are absolute scumbags and just don’t care that they ruin people’s lives with these scams.

Can you get him along to some fraud and scams training / info sessions? Most of the Banks run them in the local community (I know for a fact Barclays do - they do them virtually as well) and might just help him see some of the things that are scams so he knows what to be careful of?

Also worth having a chat with him about POA - it’s not just an end of life thing as many think. I’m setting one up and I’m 33!

Aghh isn't it awful! But I have a story to maybe help a little. My elderly parents shared banking and savings and investments , they were pretty well off. And obviously they were the target of scammers.
However my mother with whom I always had a poor relationship and was a fairly emotionless person used to make a hobby of engaging with the scammers for as long as possible. She said this wasted their time and while talking to her they couldn't rob someone less ruthless.
I asked her how these conversations ended, she said the scammers were very angry and swore at her and even threatened her, which didn't bother her, she said she often laughed at them which made them even more angry.
It's not a hobby for the faint hearted, I feel my mother wasted her talents as a housewife.

Does he understand that POA has to be set up before it is needed? Once someone doesn't have the mental capacity to cope on their own they aren't able to agree to POA. It's very sensible to have in place at an early stage so that it can be triggered when/if it is needed. Lots of people set it up way before there's any hint they may not be able to manage their own affairs. You could tell him you're setting it up for yourself as it's the sensible thing to do and see if that persuades him?