Parent being scammed - won't take advice

[ScamFuckers]

My dad (75) called me a few months ago to say that he had called a number he found a few pages into Google listed as their contact number. He told me that the very helpful person he spoke to said that his account had been compromised and for a fee they could help him. He rang me to get my card details having already given them my phone number (he doesn't have a mobile) and his address.

I googled the number, saw it was a scam and said to him not to go any further at which point he said he knew there was something wrong. But had I not said it was a scam he would have given them my card!

Today he has called again. It's his birthday next week and apparently he has had an email from Evri saying they have a parcel...he clicked on the link, put in his name and address and my mobile number and then again called me for my card details.

I said again it was a scam and he said again he realised it was - but he obviously didn't and it's only when I say it's bad he backtracks. I asked him to forward the email but he said he had deleted it.

How the hell can I get through to him that these are scams? I have said if it's not addressed to him with his name it's dodgy; that he can click on the sender's email address and it'll show it; that he can forward emails on to me if he's unsure.

He does have a debit card btw, his eyesight isn't great so he can't read the numbers easily. He lives by himself but not far from us and we do see him often and speak daily.

Bastard scammers.

AIBU to hope they rot in hell.

That's the deepest sadness at the core: you couldn't be other than you were at the time and now there's nothing you can do. That's the tragedy of it. I too no longer have my mum and know well the feeling.

Yes, you need POA. My MIL was scammed out of 18K. We got it back, but we still had problems with scammers trying to sell her needless appliance insurance, try to change her phone account, try to set up direct debits for useless repair schemes etc. There is a whole universe of folks out there trying to victimise the elderly. When we got POA, we paid her bills and sorted out her accounts, and stopped these mysterious direct debits appearing on her accounts.

Yup, that is what happened with my MIL…after she lost money, then we were given POA. She had it set up beforehand, but hadn’t registered it. It is a frustrating situation for sure. we were very glad we had POA because about a year after it was settled, MIL lost all her short term memory. Please ask your dad to consider setting it up.

Ok, thank you all so much for your advice and kind words. Sounds like I need to have that conversation about POA with him. It's so hard when they want to be independent but need that bit of help.

The saddest thing about the entire phone call was his disappointment that it wasn't a birthday gift from a friend - these people really do play on human emotion.

God that's heartbreaking. Your poor dad.

Oh @ScamFuckers that is heartbreaking. Good luck with a difficult situation.

I copy and paste the email address into https://dracoeye.com and it checks it. Also you can right-click a link from an email and go copy shortcut in chrome and then paste that into the dracoeye site too. I think it can also do attachments but I haven't tried that yet. It's free which is handy.

Unless you actually take control of his finances with POA just having it won’t stop him from being scammed. So I think both things need to happen. The POA and the nonjudgmental conversations.

My aunt lost her home through believing a love scam online. How the hell she seriously believed an international pilot who was half her age was wanting to marry her I don’t know!! She asked me about whether she should break contact, and I did my best to be very clear it was a scam, but she ignored all advice, went through with what they were asking meaning she sold her home to them for far less than worth and was basically left with nothing. We tried going through police and bank and having it deemed a crime, but was nothing they could do. She was very lucky she lives somewhere that there isn’t a massive long list for social housing and is in accessible small bungalow now, but has nothing left, and is still stupidly making contact with people online and asking to borrow money to send to someone for something or other. We’ve more or less cut contact now as she won’t listen and no way are we giving her any money, as it would be giving not a loan as she is so utterly hopeless with money!

OMG @Adarajames that's just awful.

@Adarajames, sorry to hear this. My dad is in a very similar.

Please set up POA now. My FIL got dementia that was fast and it was too late to set up. (70s) and it was a nightmare trying to sort out anything but he didn't have capacity / nor even sign his name. I am POA for my parents and was arranged when they were early 60s.

With the email, I would login and have on my phone and when a dodgy one comes through, delete before he sees it

Hate scammers if he saves the email they can be reported to [email protected] they will look into it and also theres an phone number to report scam texts to as well.

@ScamFuckers
Regarding your comment regarding POA, my late DF was also very reluctant.

It took a lot of conversations, stressing that it was best to be put in place before it was needed and that it was far more expensive to implement later (he was very money conscious!). We also stressed that we would not use it unless it was either essential (health reasons e.g.) or he gave permission. He was also made aware that he could cancel or amend it any time if he wanted to.

Once the paperwork was completed, he was actually relieved. He then knew that we could help at any time, if he needed it.

You don't know until you approach the subject how he will react, I think it's worth a conversation.

Thank you for that was just thinking exactly the same. 'No' and 'think' come to mind. (72 and 75 here)

I don’t undertstand why he needs the OP’s card either, and what his eyesight has to do with it?

If he can read a text or an email well enough to click on a link then his eyesight is good enough to read the numbers on his own card.

At least he seems like he needs your assistance to actually pay anyone, so you can nip it in the bud. But obviously it's distressing and frustrating. Make sure not to shame him or make him feel guilty or foolish. Explain it's really easy for anyone to be scammed. Tell him do not click on any links sent to him. No matter who from. Do ask him if he'd set up a new number and email address. Tell him only to give it to friends and family. Could you encourage him to get cash out and use that for day to day purchases. And not to use his debit card for anything else.
I hope he doesn't fall for any more scams. It's good he feels he can contact you before the event though.

@SauviGone it’s quite likely he’s using screen enlargement or very large fonts to read emails or texts. It’s possible to do one thing but not another - those numbers can be quite small or hard to read in poor light.

Yeah, he must have a massive keypad telephone to phone the OP and massive keys on his keyboard to be able to get onto Google in the first place and to input the OP's card details if she gave them to him.

I suppose it's really quite convenient that he can't read his own card details.

I've nothing helpful to add but I received the Evri scam yesterday but by text not email, luckily I scrolled back to previous texts from Evri and realised it was a scam, they must just send out mass messages/emails, it's scary.
Nearly caught me out though because I'm waiting for a Shein haul (I know, I know, I shouldn't be using Shein)
Bloody scammers, I absolutely hate them.

I’ve drilled it so hard into my dad not to give any info over the phone etc that he didn’t answer his mobile because it was a “foreign number”. Turned it began with +44 and was the hospital phoning to make him an appointment 🙄 They didn’t ring back and he finally got a letter they day before the appointment when I was abroad and couldn’t take him.