Would you be upset by this?

[Mildon]

I do the majority of the cooking despite the fact we both work FT. Dp says he’s rubbish at cooking and if just falls to me (interestingly the same as his family dynamic growing up).

If he doesn’t let me know what time hell be home, I’ll make dinner and have it on the table for him to heat up. If I don’t message him when I’m running late from work, he’ll cook himself something and eat it and then offer to cook me something when k arrive. I got really upset when he did this - how hard is it to cook my dinner at the same time and then have it waiting for me?

would anyone else feel the same?

No, it wouldn't bother me.

it wouldn't bother me either

I think it's strange behaviour. I assume you've spoken to him about it and he continues to do it.

It's strange and extra work for him but he's still offering to cook you dinner, so no, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

He offered to cook you something, so while I get it, I think you’re overreacting to that particular instance. However, it sounds like it’s more about the fact that food always falls on you, and you are absolutely not unreasonable to want him to do more. Set yourselves up with a routine of who cooks and when. Doesn’t matter if he’s rubbish at it, he can buy ready meals, or anyone can whip up a stir fry, or a cheese/crackers/meats plate.

Have you asked him to do this?

Id be grateful if the offer to cook my dinner tbh, so no, it wouldn't upset me.

If he isn't a confident cook, he literally may not know what can sit in the oven warm and what meals can't.

Have you taken him up on the offer?

Also, are you possibly a bit hangry?

I would be annoyed at this. I would encourage him to cook, take it in turns each night, if he's not a good cook he can cook something easy!

I think he's being more thoughtful than you - cooking it fresh for you.

It's not how I'd do it because I'm lazy and I'd rather not have to cook twice, but it's not like he's said he won't make you something. I couldn't get upset about someone offering to cook for me. (I might be tempted to insist he learn to cook though, he's an adult "I can't" isn't really good enough when there are world class chefs on YouTube offering cooking tutorials for free.)

Maybe he thought you'd want something freshly cooked rather than reheated leftovers?

I'd prefer something freshly cooked rather than something that's been cooked, left to get cold and then reheated, which may mean it ends up drier and overcooked.
It's not as if he's saying you'll have to get your own dinner, he's going to cook it for you. That seems kind and thoughtful to me.

I bet he does this because you never say yes, and you end up cooking your own dinner.

Say "oh great thanks, I'll go have a quick bath while you sort my dinner", every single time.

Personally I'd hate to have my dinner sitting on the table going cold then reheat and would greatly prefer it cooked fresh, so there's an off chance he's doing to you as he would be done to. However in the context of him being lazy about cooking its also possible he hoped you'd say not to bother. If it were me I'd not be upset id just tell him "DH please cook for me when you do yours and i"ll reheat it".

Just get your own respective dinners 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yabu. It’s just different ways but neither is more right. He’s still offering to cook.

No I get it. He gets in and just needs to microwave and eat. You get in and you need to wait for him to faff around cooking.

I think you need to divide the cooking more OR stop cooking for him when he's late home if it's not reciprocated.

Can you not message when leaving work so hecan have it ready and hot as soon as you get in..l would always have dhs dinner as he arrives while he would only be starting mine when he is cooking. I hate waiting. I would love a dinner ready as l walked in tired and hungry.

Can you not message when leaving work so hecan have it ready and hot as soon as you get in..l would always have dhs dinner as he arrives while he would only be starting mine when he is cooking. I hate waiting. I would love a dinner ready as l walked in tired and hungry.

I'd rather have my dinner fresh rather than re-heating it so I think it's better that he's cooking it for you when you get in if he doesn't know what time to expect you.

I would rather have something cooked fresh than sitting on the table to go cold and then heated up - a lot of things are not nice at all if you do that.

What I would want ideally is the person at home to cook it for when the second person is home and have it together. You obviously have to communicate your ETA for this to work though.

Given one or the other though, I’d prefer what he does to what you do.

He's only offering to cook because he knows you'll tell him not to bother. There's quite a lot of naivety on this thread and I say this as an autistic person!

Depends what he made, if I didn't like it I'd be happy with something else being cooked for me. Tbh I don't really like reheated food after a few hours whereas DH would eat anything at anytime no matter how long it was left for him

The best thing to do is when people work outside the home to have some sort of communication about dinners. Person who's cooking knows they're cooking, what they're making, anyone late messages to say so and whether they want the dinner or something else.

Stop cooking for him

Doesn't make much sense to cook twice but what kinds of meals is he making? If homemade beef wellington for him and beans on toast for you that's shit but if both quick, simple things that don't really sit (pasta and ready made sauce, stir fry) then it wouldn't make any difference. Could be more economical for him to learn a few dishes that reheat?