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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What has Mumsnet taught you you've been doing wrong all of your adult life without realising?!

584 replies

harriethoyle · 24/09/2024 11:17

Inspired by a recent thread, in which I read multiple posters saying you shouldn't wear mascara on your bottom lashes (which I have been doing for the last 30 years 😂) what has Mumsnet told or taught you you've been doing wrong?

The irritating thing is then I made one eye up as usual and made one up without mascara on the bottom lashes and DH preferred the without eye! Don't even get me started on my inability to make a chicken last a week...

OP posts:
CrumpledBankNote · 24/09/2024 12:34

@Hyperbowl According to Mumsnet, putting toilet bleach down the toilet - means you want to kill all the seals and fish and humanity.
Who knew.

SereneFish · 24/09/2024 12:34

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 24/09/2024 11:23

I've been doing things when they need done, paying bills by direct debit and standing order, and making appointments when I need them. I didn't know that I was supposed to call it life admin, and make a big deal out of how time consuming and stressful it is

Not only that but the mental load of life admin is much, much harder to bear than being the sole earner for a household, which is a piece of piss.

Americano75 · 24/09/2024 12:35

Doggymummar · 24/09/2024 11:36

That there was a right way round to wear a party liner ! 55 and I never knew

Oh, tell me the secret! I'm never sure and I'm nearly 50!

sharpclawedkitten · 24/09/2024 12:35

FiveShelties · 24/09/2024 11:37

Yes, me too.

Me too.

Also apparently I am weird because I do my bra up and then swivel it round. Surely in 40 odd years of wearing bra's I could have learnt to do it up at the back.

And it's outrageous behaviour to get DH to sit at a table while I go to the counter in a self-serve cafe, or vice versa. You are meant to queue up, get your food and then have nowhere to sit with it.

Less light heartedly, I have learnt a lot of useful stuff from MN, especially about womens' rights and about invisible disabilities.

JudgeJ · 24/09/2024 12:35

muggletops · 24/09/2024 12:24

If your DP sneezes too loudly you should Divorce them immediately

But if you do it and he comments or, in my own case, do a cavernous, loud yawn, he is abusive for making a comment.

oakleaffy · 24/09/2024 12:36

PedantScorner · 24/09/2024 12:33

That taking care over spelling and grammar is pointless, and that it doesn't matter if I use the wrong word.

Maybe I'm in a viscous cycle, been high rate and venerable, and need councilling. Anyway, go to go, need to see if anyone has brought my Chester draws and chez lounge.

I could of typed that. I loose my cool reading this cos easily wound up.

Thisismetooaswell · 24/09/2024 12:36

80smonster · 24/09/2024 12:12

How do non-heathens clean their loos (in hard water areas), I’m asking for a friend…

Rubber gloves, loo cleaner and a cloth. I can't abide a loo brush and wouldn't have one. But I wouldn't tell someone else they shouldn't have one. Your house, your rules

JudgeJ · 24/09/2024 12:36

Americano75 · 24/09/2024 12:35

Oh, tell me the secret! I'm never sure and I'm nearly 50!

The peal off bit has arrows but I can never see a difference !

housethatbuiltme · 24/09/2024 12:36

Oh also, despite never being allowed to leave my house due to the aforementioned horror of non etiquette upholding disability I should also expect my child to live with me in that small space until eternity.

I should be 'honored' at them not leaving home and not dare charge them either and as its THEIR home that they are entitled to. Plus I should never dare expect anything of them like them to go out, do chores or not use certain areas and if I must have space I should hide out in my bedroom. Oh and I'm not allowed a partner without their approval of course.

After all they didn't ask to be born so I owe them a free ride forever or I'm clearly a horribly cruel shit parent who didn't even want kids and will die alone from 'lack of care' when they cut me off (but I should of course still leave them everything).

Nothinglikeagoodbook · 24/09/2024 12:37

Lifelover16 · 24/09/2024 12:22

I should have gone NC with my MiL when she voiced an opinion I disagreed with.

Or indeed any of your family if they say something you don’t like, because obviously you are "normal" whereas they are dreadful narcissists.

LyingPaintSample · 24/09/2024 12:37

That sometimes, random women on the internet can often say things which are much more supportive, insightful and strengthening than actual friends and family can be bothered to do. Sometimes their words and opinions even save lives, or lead to hugely better outcomes in some terrible situations where women need to hear the truth, and be bolstered through the right decisions for themselves and/or their kids.

I've also learnt that ableism is alive and well, and no matter how much people say "be kind" or think they are inclusive, they often fall woefully short when dealing with actual disabilities in others. They usually don't see it.

That there's a staggering amount of posters who will wilfully misunderstand things, so they can presumably quiet their own insecurities by posturing about how much better they are at said thing, and missing the point entirely (see this very thread, about life admin.
... The filofax crew know that, sure, it's just a bit of paperwork and phonecalls! Big wow. But the point is, if you're doing all that plus all admin for everyone else in the house, it's just another symptom of the patriarchal disease called wifework...Value your time FFS and accept only a fair distribution of any life tasks..even if they are a piece of piss to you. It creeps. Women here have been burnt by this, and sometimes, when everything is falling apart, those simple forms and calls and general lack of recognition for picking up everyone's slack can be the straw that breaks the camel's back).

That sounds many people think autism is just a label and not a diagnosis. Pure horrifying ignorance.

That there's people here who won't give up on the truth (be it helping others flee abuse, being a constant voice for feminism, giving good advice about ND or school issues or health).

Lentilweaver · 24/09/2024 12:37

Thisismetooaswell · 24/09/2024 12:36

Rubber gloves, loo cleaner and a cloth. I can't abide a loo brush and wouldn't have one. But I wouldn't tell someone else they shouldn't have one. Your house, your rules

Gosh. I always wanted to ask this. Think I will stick with my loo brush.

bigageap · 24/09/2024 12:37
  1. Answer my door/phone/text messages
  2. Don't think making appts, reading school emails, paying bills in a chore!
  3. Don't think everyone is a narcissistic abuser if they are just a bit of a prick.
  4. Get on fine with my PIL cos life is to short to fall out over trivial things.
  5. didn't breast feed for years on end because I actually wanted to sleep.
  6. Expect my husband to look after our children alone. Then not moan about how he's done it!! Then not moan I never get a break!!
  7. Not to find it hard to cook a meal even though we work.
  8. Learnt to drive at 17 as I think it is an essential life skill.

Many many more that blow my mind every single day.

Ineedwinenow · 24/09/2024 12:40

I don’t shower everyday and nor do I eat porridge/overnight oats or yogurt with fruit and seeds for breakfast everyday or lentils/stir fry /healthy curries and rice dishes every evening oh and I don’t have a cleaner!

I shower every other day, eat UPF cereal (the devil) eat steak or basically whatever I can be arsed to cook whether that’s Upf or not! I don’t snack on hummus and crudités and according to some MN posts I have a drink problem!

My husband is a normal functioning adult who isn’t a twat and I really liked /loved my ILs until their passing, I answer the door, answer the phone and leave the house regularly

Basically I’m failing at adulting good job I don’t have any kids or else SS will probably be called 😆

Orangebadger · 24/09/2024 12:40

I should have LTB years ago despite the fact that he's lovely and wonderful but once left a teaspoon on the kitchen worktop.

My DD has a really common name, I should have never given her this name despite the fact that I love it.

Dog walks, well I should not love dogs as they are smelly foul rodents who certainly should never be allowed to run and play with other equally playful dogs.

I take parcels for my neighbours. Apparently this is a massive imposition that I never knew about.

SereneFish · 24/09/2024 12:40

Lentilweaver · 24/09/2024 12:37

Gosh. I always wanted to ask this. Think I will stick with my loo brush.

It really puzzles me that some people prefer sticking their hand in a toilet and scrubbing than using a toilet brush. And, even more astounding, they think THEY are the more hygienic ones!

Ditto, that some grown women were never properly toilet trained so they hover and piss all over the seat and claim this is for hygiene reasons.

Hyperbowl · 24/09/2024 12:40

CrumpledBankNote · 24/09/2024 12:34

@Hyperbowl According to Mumsnet, putting toilet bleach down the toilet - means you want to kill all the seals and fish and humanity.
Who knew.

Oh I see! 🤣 If only getting rid of certain members of human-kind were as easy as squirting a bit of bleach in their general direction. 🫠 What are we supposed to use then? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Minime88888888 · 24/09/2024 12:42

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 24/09/2024 11:23

I've been doing things when they need done, paying bills by direct debit and standing order, and making appointments when I need them. I didn't know that I was supposed to call it life admin, and make a big deal out of how time consuming and stressful it is

Ha!

CrumpledBankNote · 24/09/2024 12:44

@Thisismetooaswell You actually put your hand down the toilet instead of using a brush....?

Fonzies · 24/09/2024 12:45

CrumpledBankNote · 24/09/2024 11:26

That you're not supposed to have a toilet brush as only heathens have toilet brushes. Also, only worse heathens put bleach down the loo.

Don't get me wrong - I don't LIKE them, no matter how many different swanky looking concealed toilet brushes I buy.

But if I can't use a brush or bleach how the hell do I clean my loo?????

Ha. Well I use bleach and a toilet brush and bleach the toilet brush after #noregrets

Differentstarts · 24/09/2024 12:46

I learnt a small chicken can feed a family of 5 for a week

DaniMontyRae · 24/09/2024 12:47

CookieClutter · 24/09/2024 11:56

Hah I realise that this thread has take quite a sarcastic turn. Not that there is anything wrong with that but actually I think I have genuinely learnt a lot from mumsnet and not just from the threads I started asking for advice. I have definitely learnt a lot from the relationship board and I suspect I hold men to higher standards now than i may have done previously. Also the anti trans stance of most of mumsnet has really made me think. It has also given me an insight into areas that are just not or haven't been so far part of my life and I think maybe that has made me more tolerant and less judgmental.

Anti trans or just pro-women? The only thing the trans debate has highlighted to me is the vast majority of people in this country are misogynistic but claim they are being "inclusive".

Thisismetooaswell · 24/09/2024 12:48

SereneFish · 24/09/2024 12:40

It really puzzles me that some people prefer sticking their hand in a toilet and scrubbing than using a toilet brush. And, even more astounding, they think THEY are the more hygienic ones!

Ditto, that some grown women were never properly toilet trained so they hover and piss all over the seat and claim this is for hygiene reasons.

Each to their own. I don't want a used brush hanging around in my loo. And a cloth is needed anyway for the seat, lid, cistern etc

thomasinacat · 24/09/2024 12:48

Differentstarts · 24/09/2024 12:46

I learnt a small chicken can feed a family of 5 for a week

Handy with a saucepan are they?

BunnyLake · 24/09/2024 12:48

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 24/09/2024 11:23

I've been doing things when they need done, paying bills by direct debit and standing order, and making appointments when I need them. I didn't know that I was supposed to call it life admin, and make a big deal out of how time consuming and stressful it is

Oh I don’t know, I’ve got various forms I have to fill in today and I don’t want to. They’re weighing heavily on me because they need to be done and I could do without the hassle. I’d put that chore in the life admin pile.