Sexual Misconduct at a Top 10 University - Pregnancy

[ThinkingUpsideDown]

I don't usually post on mumsnet, but after receiving such kind and supportive comments yesterday, I'll hope you'll excuse me for asking one more question before I go back into my little hole!

Here is the situation (it is potentially outing so I am being intentionally vague but happy to answer questions if I can).

I was at university and was groomed, sexually harassed and assaulted by a senior lecturer. This resulted in pregnancy. DD is now six months old. Not heard anything from the father (he knows). The lecturer is still employed by the university. An investigation for misconduct has been underway for over a year. I didn't report him, one of his colleagues did. The university then started contacting me for a statement. Eventually I made a formal complaint (again we are in the midst of this process so can't say much at this point).

My question is concerning child maintenance. I haven't received one penny from the father, or even acknowledgement of dad's birth (he has hundreds of thousands in the bank). My own financial situation was significantly impacted by the events - I was homeless for a short period whilst pregnant.

I am settled now and very happy with my DD. I can't afford nursery fees to go back to full time work so am planning to pay my self £500 month from my savings to take a year off with her, during which time I will finish my degree with the open university. It's going to be tough but we will be ok.

My AIBU question is this. In this situation is it unreasonable for me not to pursue child maintenance? The university have already told me he is 'seething' (their words). If he loses his job (unlikely) we may not get any maintenance anyway, however if I attempt to claim via CMS there is a chance he may seek custody out of spite.

I do not want this man anywhere near my daughter. He is a sexual predator.

You are being unreasonable - claim via CMS

You are not being unreasonable - stay well away

If he tries to claim custody, would he want his crime to be investigated by the police?

@LlynTegid at the moment the university is handling it internally so it is all hush hush - no mention of police and quite honestly I don't think they would be able to do much.

It feels like a game of chess - I'm trying to anticipate his move before i make mine.

Honestly I wouldn't want a thing from this awful predator. I would ask for nothing.

What crime?

It seems there is definitely misconduct here which the uni is investigating, they will have their own rules about staff engaging in sexual relationships with students. This is still ongoing. If the OP is alleging that he raped her this is a different matter but she is unclear whether she feels it was non-consensual rape, or whether it was an imbalance of power, she went along with it but felt pressured, felt used, etc.

Absolutely pursue him for money though.

Claim via CMS as it is separate from custody and access.

@KnottedTwine is right. Not rape, however, an absolute and clear abuse of power. Ability to consent affected by alcohol but that would be nearly impossible to prove. All his 'victims' have been over the age of 18 (just).

I agree it can be misconduct without necessarily being a crime. Op, if you believe it was a crime, it's your choice to go to the police. It's not a decision for the university.

In terms of seeking maintenance, generally I think women should do this. Some feel it heightens the risk of the father insisting on involvement (it won't lead to him getting "custody" - a term not used now). That decision has to be made based on knowledge of the man in question.

All universities should have policies on inappropriate staff- student relationships. Mine certainly does (I’m staff). Investigations of staff misconduct can be lengthy - often because the staff conducting them are doing so over and above their usual workload. I’ve chaired student misconduct cases which have taken several months to get through because of the number of interviews and discussions of the investigating team. But there should be a robust procedure and if he’s been reported by another staff member that should strengthen your case as he can hardly present it as a student aggrieved at a low mark. It might well be the case that several other students have been interviewed as well as part of the case.

Why have the university told you he is 'seething'? Are they trying to make you think it would be easier just to drop this? I'm suspicious of why they've done that, and it seems unprofessional at least.

Have you spoken to your student union or advice centre? They should be able to help represent you in any misconduct situation. If they can't then university should appoint a neutral staff member who can help.

The students may have legally been adults but in an education setting there are tougher rules about these things purely because of the power imbalance.

I am glad you are moving on, and it is entirely up to you as to how much you wish to pursue this. I do think the university are hoping you will go away though

The complaint has already been upheld. The member of staff had overstepped a number of professional boundaries, which is evidenced. Of course the uni is trying to hush it up. (They have already offered me money) The question is really on the topic of maintenance, especially since he may lose his job as a result.

Many Universities forbid any kind of relationship even if consensual between staff and students as it’s clearly a power imbalance. It’s in written contracts of employment. Universities are great at hiding all their dirt under the rug and will do anything to cover stuff up. Worked in HE for almost three decades.

You have put you were groomed and sexually harassed but then the crux of the matter you write you were assaulted, if it’s non consensual then it’s rape and it is a police matter. Contact rape crisis in the first instance for advice and support. Universities will do everything to avoid bad publicity.

Poor little new freshers there now.
Why don't they suspend him at least for now?

Thanks for this. I fear too much time has elapsed and it would be very difficult prove from a police perspective. I also really don't want to have to go through that process. The best thing that could happen in my view is for him to lose his job so that other students are not put at risk (this has been happening for a decade). The university's handling has been poor this far and they have acknowledged that. It remains to be seen whether he will face disciplinary consequences. His misconduct goes beyond student-staff relationships but also involves academic integrity (can't say any more than that). The thing is he is clever and rich and definitely does not NEED to work which is why I am debating whether it is worth claiming via CMS.

He's been partially suspended pending outcome of the investigation. 👍

Are you only in your early twenties now? Do you have much in the way of real-life support- parents, older friends, a solicitor?
Not just for the practical stuff with the baby but to give you perspective on this.

I’m very surprised at the university have told you he is “seething”. That does not sound in any way appropriate in the context of the investigation.

Don’t be too proud to take a cash settlement though, just make sure you negotiate it up.

@HotCrossBunplease I'm in my 20s. No family support (that's what my post was about yesterday). My daughter and I are doing well, she is the best thing in my life. The "seething" remark was just a backhanded comment made during a conversation and I don't think they realised the impact it would have. I will be taking any compensation I can get from the uni, for my daughter, not myself.

Your ex has a right to take you to court for contact and would get it. Being a sexual predator towards you wouldn’t prevent contact because it’s towards you and not a child. He could ask for up to 50% contact. Whether or not he pays would not affect how much contact he got either.

Do you live in the same place as the university ? Before you claim CMS, I would move to where you have most support because it will become very difficult to move if he pursues custody and could do so at any time.

Do you think it's likely he would actually WANT contact, or even if he did threaten court or went through with it just to try and get you to back down, do you think he'd maintain contact?

I think you should pursue him for every penny. For your daughter’s quality of life and to make him think twice about doing it again. He should be financially penalised for his behaviour for the next 18 years of his life and have to think about it every time it comes out of his bank account.

I’m very surprised at the university have told you he is “seething”

Had a couple of friends/ acquaintances who’ve experienced sexual harassment
from academics at a top uni and this does not surprise me at all. Utter shit shows some of them. Especially where there is a college system and the colleges have high levels of autonomy.

completely inappropriate for the university to inform you he is seething whatever that means. That should be addressed

I think you should go to the police and ask what the options are. Doesn't mean you have to take action but it's good to know, also on the topic of his access rights, custody rights, how they are affected by reporting/not reporting and so on. You don't want this man near your child.

I'd want to know who this person is especially as so many parents currently have DDs at university. Predatory bastard.

Unfortunately a lot of unis and colleges (and lecturers) have failed to move with the times, and not very long ago bed hopping amongst staff and students was rife.

When I was at art college c2000 there were quite a few lecturers having flings with students.

I then became a lecturer myself and the last time I started a new position in 2009 we had to sign a slip for HR, which I still have, which reads...

"If you enter into a personal or sexual relationship with a student you undertake to notify the registry so that alternative arrangements may be made for marking of that students work if you have that responsibility"

In other words, the college were fine with relationships, but wanted to protect against claims of unfairness.

So much has rightly changed since then...

I don't know the process of claiming child maintenance and whether that would give the father rights. Separately I'd be tempted to hold out for the largest payout the university will pay (you can negotiate on this, they don't want the negative publicity). I know of a different situation (academic integrity) where the whistle blower was 'paid to go away' and had to sign an NDC. It was a substantial sum.

The university can't ask you to sign a non disclosure agreement. The Office for students has said this is unacceptable in cases of sexual misconduct.