Sexual Misconduct at a Top 10 University - Pregnancy

[ThinkingUpsideDown]

I don't usually post on mumsnet, but after receiving such kind and supportive comments yesterday, I'll hope you'll excuse me for asking one more question before I go back into my little hole!

Here is the situation (it is potentially outing so I am being intentionally vague but happy to answer questions if I can).

I was at university and was groomed, sexually harassed and assaulted by a senior lecturer. This resulted in pregnancy. DD is now six months old. Not heard anything from the father (he knows). The lecturer is still employed by the university. An investigation for misconduct has been underway for over a year. I didn't report him, one of his colleagues did. The university then started contacting me for a statement. Eventually I made a formal complaint (again we are in the midst of this process so can't say much at this point).

My question is concerning child maintenance. I haven't received one penny from the father, or even acknowledgement of dad's birth (he has hundreds of thousands in the bank). My own financial situation was significantly impacted by the events - I was homeless for a short period whilst pregnant.

I am settled now and very happy with my DD. I can't afford nursery fees to go back to full time work so am planning to pay my self £500 month from my savings to take a year off with her, during which time I will finish my degree with the open university. It's going to be tough but we will be ok.

My AIBU question is this. In this situation is it unreasonable for me not to pursue child maintenance? The university have already told me he is 'seething' (their words). If he loses his job (unlikely) we may not get any maintenance anyway, however if I attempt to claim via CMS there is a chance he may seek custody out of spite.

I do not want this man anywhere near my daughter. He is a sexual predator.

You are being unreasonable - claim via CMS

You are not being unreasonable - stay well away

Thanks bibliomania. The case I know of involved another member of staff.

He might seek contact, but you can't categorically say that he would be successful without knowing the full circumstances. Depends if contact would be in the child's best interests

Child maintenance and contact are completely separate issues

University v unprofessional to tell you that he was "seething"

I think I would go for child maintenance. This is a separate issue to the disciplinary stuff. If he loses his job he will be able to earn a living easily enough if he's an experienced academic - he won't be unemployed.

If he wants contact with his child then that should be encouraged as long as he's not a danger to her. Not 50.50 as he doesn't know her but short daytime contact under supervision initially. No need to go through court - you can negotiate something you're happy with. It seems unlikely he'd go to court for 50 50 just as revenge for having to pay, unless you try to refuse any access.

In the long run your child deserves a relationship with her father.

Unfortunately if everyone is over 18 no crime has been committed.. I think relationships at universities are very normal. 3 girls from my year had relationships with staff and 2 of them are still happily married now nearly 20 years later. As long as everything is consensual and there isn't a conflict of interest with marking, students are adults so.up.to them to make their own decisions.

Fathers pretty much always get contact. Unless they are a proven danger to the child, which isn't the case here

If this has been investigated for over a year then they're dragging their feet and hoping you'll go away. Give them a deadline to complete their investigation and then complain to the office for students about the effect the delay is having on you. Their new regulations don't come into force until next year but universities are expected to be working towards them. www.officeforstudents.org.uk/for-students/student-rights-and-welfare/student-guide-to-harassment-and-sexual-misconduct/

He will always have a right to pursue custody regardless of CMS. You should pursue the CMS anyhow for this reason. In terms of custody, I would decide where you want to settle with your daughter now, if that is very far away from where he lives, when it comes to visitation, tough, he would have to travel. That alone might discourage him. You wouldn't be able to move so easily if custody was in place further down the line.

Apologies - should have said 'contact' not 'custody'!

I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP. I used to work in student support for a Russell group uni & unfortunately this is not uncommon.
Have you had any contact with student support or the students union? The SU should have some sort of rights & advice service which is independent from the uni. I know they can advise on these types of issues. In terms of child maintenance/ access to your DD, has he expressed any interest in having a relationship with her? How did he respond to news of the pregnancy? As others have said he may use it as a threat but I find it hard to imagine that he would seek much involvement.

Does he have partner/wife and children already?
Also, do you want to completely deny contact. Your child may want to know him.

@DinosaurMunch I haven't provided the full details here as it is an ongoing process, however, the member of staff (not my 'ex') is almost certainly a threat to my daughter. (During my pregnancy I was informed that if I were to establish contact with him, then social services would need to be informed). It is very difficult because I understand that it is a child's right to know both their parents, but I also have a responsibility to keep her safe. Despite this, if he were to take me to court he almost certainly would get visitation rights (most likely supervised) which would be awful for my DD. I am worried that applying for CMS, would prompt him to go down this route as he has the money and connections.

@felissamy Yes to children (older and don't live with him). No to wife. Don't see how this is relevant though

Only because I wondered if the lack of acknowledgement was to do with him hiding it from someone. I knew someone abused by a senior lecturer at a top uni and he lost his job and also his wife etc. He by the way has disappeared from intellectual scene, (and he was quite famous) so it is not a give that these guys can be rehabilitated.

@Fgfgfg Thank you for providing the link. It has some very useful information. Also, some of those changes are currently in effect eg. "From 1 September 2024 non-disclosure agreements (NDAs) will be banned where they cover allegations of harassment or sexual misconduct."

@felissamy Oh ok, I don't think that would be the case but can see where you are coming from

@Youstolemyjoke Honestly, I think he was secretly trying to get me pregnant (possibly an ego thing), it is complex and I don't want to go into the details here. Regardless of early motives, it was when I fell pregnant that he became abusive. (Something to do with the fact that I stopped drinking and refused to have sex with him). He never expressed any interest in the baby. He said I would be the one to do all the parenting - whatever that was supposed to mean. He hasn't acknowledged the birth or been involved in anyway. DD is now 6 months. The only reason I worry about involvement is because he has the money to take me to court. He is also very stingy with money (which is why he has so much!) and so I don't think it would be unrealistic for him to seek contact to avoid paying less. Of course, this is all speculation. I don't know him well enough to be able to anticipate his reaction.

I've had no support from the SU, and to be honest, that's probably a good thing. So far negotiations with the uni are slow but going well. Because of the amount of evidence I have been able to provide, they have accepted responsibility. The investigation has also caused them to review a lot of their policies etc. so hopefully other students will be protected. I would hate for another student to go through what I did, so I see this as a positive step in the right direction.

The thing is, nobody can answer your question because it's about how he might react as an individual, and none of us know him. Pursuing child maintenance won't affect the legal position, but yes, it may make some men seek more involvement with the child, for a variety of motivations.

I think you hit the nail on the head.

It's still so hard. It feels like a chess game; I am a pawn facing a rook.

I'm so, so sorry to hear this and just wanted to say as a lecturer this is at least now taken semi-seriously - when I was doing my PhD there was a supervisor who was forbidden from having any female PhD students, and any undergrads in his office had to have the door open. When I moved where I am now a lecturer had various relationships with postgrads but was told to stop that so moved into OU summer school teaching which gave him a perfect opportunity. Thankfully he has now left.

I don't find the SU here to be at all women-friendly, because they are so focussed on "anyone can be a woman". And the complaints/disciplinary process is incredibly slow and tedious (a spurious complaint was made about me which luckily wasn't upheld, but I'm assuming because it wasn't against a person, and they had worked out it was probably groundless, thankfully I wasn't suspended as it took four YEARS to resolve).

I doubt they are dragging their feet in the hope that you will go away. These processes take a long time because they have to follow a rigorous process which involves several stages after an initial investigation. Faculty Board Chairs often get involved, as well as the Vice Chancellor of the uni. Academics are hard to sack. It usually takes a panel of their peers and a sign off by the VC.

I’m very sorry this has happened to you OP.

I’m an academic and can only speak for myself and colleagues but I truly believe none of us would have any remote interest in an undergraduate student. Most of them are 15 years younger than us minimum and they’re essentially children when they first arrive at uni. It’s just grim thinking of any lecturer leering over them, let alone engaging in sexual relations.

We have iron tight rules in our contract regarding relations with undergrads, we’re not even allowed to contact them using personal email addresses. There’s a shift with postgraduate students and no real set rules, many of my colleagues exchange numbers with PGR students and even go out drinking sometimes with them (not my thing!) but for undergrads, no relations whatsoever outside of uni or uni events.

What I will say is universities hate bad press so they will be bricking it that you’re going to go public with this story. Personally, I would be threatening this in order to get maximum compensation from them- don’t accept less. Sounds to me like this lecturer is a predator and he should be fired. Depends which school you’re in but if it’s A&H, he will struggle to get another job because HE is wrecked right now for our discipline in particular and we’re being made redundant left, right and centre. That was just to the poster who said as an experienced academic, he won’t struggle to find a new job. Not your problem OP, I don’t actually think creeps like him should be around students.

Absolutely pursue CMS for CM, it’s there for your DD. If he hasn’t had anything to do with you or DD so far, I can’t see him suddenly pursing expensive and lengthy court action for it.

Sorry again, he’s absolutely grim.

@Sartre Thank you for taking the time to reply and your kind words.

The university is absolutely bricking it as this is more than a lecturer overstepping professional boundaries but part of a scandal that has been going on for nearly a decade. Other lecturers knew what was happening but did nothing. I was studying A&H so your point about finding another teaching position most likely applies; however, my concern (and something he explicitly said to me) is that he doesn't need another teaching job. Financially, he's sorted with savings, royalties and other writing jobs. That would leave my DD worse off as child maintenance is calculated by income, which ties into my predicament.

How an institution responds to incidents such as this reflects its values (not those it claims to have but the actual values it operates by). I strongly believe that every perceived negative event is an opportunity in disguise. The university could use this as an opportunity to demonstrate zero-tolerance towards sexual harassment, instead, by trying to keep it hush-hush, they are showing that they are more concerned with saving face than the interests and welfare of their students.

I think the police should be the ones to establish whether any crime has been committed.

Wanted to give an update for all those that took the time to respond.
The individual in question is no longer employed by the university. I found out from a couple of Google/LinkedIn searches. It turns out that my complaint shone a light on many other serious instances of misconduct. I have settled with the university. I received 50% of what I requested. I have mixed feelings. I thought I would get some closure from the process but no. The university has been so diabolical on handling this from start to finish. If makes me so angry and frustrated. I'm half tempted to put the case in front of a select committee. Maybe that's just me being unreasonable.

Also the father has payed zero maintenance. And since everything has been hushed up has basically got away with everything.