DD doesn't want to get rid of any of her stuff!

[gaffatape]

Does anyone else have this? DD (9) so so upset at the thought of getting rid of the car seat she's totally grown out of ("me and that car seat have been through so much together!") that I've had to agree to it temporarily being a chair in her room! She won't part with the toy kitchen she got when she was two or the ikea table she first sat at as a toddler. I know I'm coming across as quite heartless but we live in an extremely compact 2 bed flat with no storage so the stuff just keeps building up and up... anyone else had a similar experience / any advice?

My dad was like this. It was never discussed about having a clear out. You would come home from school and find half your things gone.

When I went on a gap year and my mum left him he disposed of all my things except my birth and exam certificates which he sent me. Needless to say I haven't seen him since then.

I have always been very sensitive towards my daughter's things and asked what she wanted to keep.

I strongly agree with this.

We have to choose what we have capacity to help them with, we are all humans with other stuff going on. So of course sometimes it's a good shout to spare ourselves the effort and find ways to get rid of the stuff without them knowing etc. With less treasured items like forgotten party bag bits I often fill a charity shop bag while they are at school.

But generally I find the answer to most tricky emotional situations with children is being the confident leader (you don't play with this toddler item anymore so we are donating it to another child) AND validating their perspective of not liking that, expressing heaps of empathy, support them through it, be the steady adult who knows the storm will pass. Show them we aren't afraid of feelings*

*(And find compassion and support for ourselves as we do this because sometimes we are overwhelmed and worried too, or short-tempered and wishing the storm would pass quicker because it's e.g unwelcome and irritatingly irrational to us adults. And we are all always learning on the job with our unique children.)

Teacher how the resale sites work or do a boot sale with her. If she sees a benefit to getting rid of things it may help her.

My FIL kept all his childhood toys until he died in his 90s and pretty much everything else he acquired in between. We needed several huge skips when he died. Nobody ever got rid of any of his stuff when he was a child.

Exactly all of this for my 9 year old daughter too. She is happier to get rid of stuff if it is going to her cousin. We also use the loft as a staging space and if she hasn't asked for something for a year it goes to the charity shop. When she does ask for those things I just do a vague, 'it must be in the loft somewhere' which she seems happy with.

No advice sorry but sounds just like my daughter, who cried when I told her we were getting rid of the living room rug and having new carpets 😂 I was similar as a child, teenager and young adult. I grew out of it after having my DD and now relish in throwing things away and getting rid of the clutter. I absolutely hate keeping anything unnecessary now (very strange). My DD is a very sensitive type and gets very sentimental over things. Bless them. Maybe pp's suggestion of offering to replace it with something new/a toy might help?

ETA: just seen above suggestion of offering to give to a cousin. My DD loves giving things to her little cousin and was happy to part with some old books and her dressing table as it was being passed on to her. This is a good suggestion and something I'll purposely use in future 👍

Op here - thank you all so much for your views/advice/experiences! I had expected to get shot down for being so keen to get rid of childhood items so found the responses refreshing and very useful.

Just to give a bit of context, I clear out clothes/plastic tat/small games and toys in a similar way to some of you described - secretly, and keep them hidden for a month or so to see if she notices and then get rid. This approach not so easy with big items, hence situation.

Hoarding - actually yes - it is in the family. DH's dad has rooms you can't enter in his house due to floor to ceiling piles of stuff. Possibly why I'm so sensitive to clutter and why DH isn't (our version of a cluttered house pales in comparison to what he grew up with!).

We are working out a strategy and we will tackle this! Thank you all.

I wouldn't try to bully/force her out of it, I think you will just make it worse.

It probably sounds a bit overkill but maybe a child therapist could help?

I would definitely look into the emotional causes of hoarding and see if you can help her with this and perhaps suggest DH look into it too (but again I wouldn't insist - he has to want to do it on his own, but maybe seeing the same thing passing down to DD will make him want to?)