Parents divorcing at 60! Fighting a losing battle?

[A9SheryRan]

My mum and step-dad are divorcing at 60. They've been married for 23 years and had their ups and downs due to my step-dads drinking which has got progressively worse over the years (reason for my mum filing for divorce). Both were previously divorced and my mum had a house on her name before she got married to which my step-dad moved into (he had nothing other than £5,000 in cash). She remortgaged her house to buy our new family home. Any money that came from her house was put into the new home, my mum paid for all home renovations/ expenses/bills and shopping minus the mortgage. When she sold her home she put that money into the family home, our education, our weddings and holidays.

My mum wants nothing from my step-dad other than a 60/40 split after they sell the house to which my dad isn't agreeing. My mum thinks she deserves more out of the house as she put money from her home into their joint home, other than mortgage and a few holidays he has contributed nothing over the last 23 years - they both have worked all their lives. He has a really good pension pot, land and a few properties in his native country, his mum has just passed away too and we know she is leaving him an inheritance all of which my mum has not benefited from. My mum has an ok pension, some savings and some gold.

My dad is now refusing to sign the divorce papers unless my mum signs papers stating she is happy with a 55/45 split (in her favour) but also confirming she wont take him to court or fight for anything else. My mum doesn't want to go to court at all but she does feel like she is being used and hard done by and the change in my dads behaviour (panic but with a little arrogance) is making her question everything. I am biased because she's my mum but she is a moral person, in her first divorce with 2 kids, she paid my paternal dad out, fought for full custody and refused child support. She doesn't want anything of his other than her share of the house.

She's considering financial mediation upon the suggestion from her solicitor (to which we think he won't go a long with) but we're not sure what to do. He is convinced that if she takes him to court its 50/50. Anyone else been through a similar experience? What are the chances of this going in her favour? Is she going to fight a losing battle?

So does he think he can have half the house & keep his pension and property?

So many factors would need to be considered but 50 /50 is the usual starting point for a property jointly owned and over which there is no trust deed ( sets out if one party might have put more funds in etc. ). Your mum’s solicitor may have a view but unless there is anything in writing , and he is suggesting financial mediation, may be difficult - however court may well take into account assets in his sole name and your mum may well have a claim on those - have these been discussed as part of the settlement ?

They have had a long marriage (23 years)

If the marriage has been long then the starting point is usually 50:50 however his assets would also be included.

Your mum bringing in more assets at the start of the relationship would not normally be considered a reason to change from 50:50 unless she is a literal billionaire and he had nothing. A house won't be enough.

Regardless, if they can't agree then they will need to go to mediation and then court if mediation produces no agreement.

He has a really good pension pot, land and a few properties in his native country, his mum has just passed away too and we know she is leaving him an inheritance all of which my mum has not benefited from.

These should all be part of the settlement. Are they?

What assets does he have? Pension?

He can’t have half the house and all his foreign investment properties and all his pension
happy of those should be your mothers….

your mother should be doing a bit of digging for the paperwork and get a decent lawyer.

I would def try mediation

He needs to be careful what buttons he pushes because she's fully entitled to go for all his assets (and he hers). She needs to seek legal advice, especially if international property is in the pot too

Everything goes into the asset pot. Everything. He is robbing your mother if he's insisting on keeping his properties and pension. What a scumbag.

Tell her to do mediation first, and tell her not to give in to him without her own solicitor overseeing anything she signs.

So he's feathered his overseas nest while she took all the financial responsibility here?

Is he including 'his' assets in the split?

I mean it’s a bit rich to say “other than the mortgage he has contributed nothing” to the house. In some cases the mortgage could be the minor amount, in many cases it could be the vast majority.

I’m not even sure why so many people are bringing up his pension, would that even be split? They don’t share kids so why would his pension be a substitution for OPs mum?

His assets should be included in the split.

Pensions are a marital asset in divorce, especially in a long marriage.

50% of everything, including the pensions and foreign assets.

Seems fair to go for 50:50 of everything in that case. His Pensions, his property, his everything.

Bet it works out significantly more than the extra 5% of the house value she wanted.

Interesting the number of posters who think only his pension is a marital asset and the OP’s mother’s “good pension” isn’t.

It is normal to include a pension as an asset, yes, just the same as other savings, investments and property.

Both are

In saying he only paid the mortgage isn't downplaying his contributions.. its merely stating that my mum has put in significantly more over the course of their marriage and we do believe he will be better off than her after the divorce. We think he's unfair with his assets and threats/suggestions partly because of the recent death of his mum (inheritance) and partly because he thinks my mum won't take this further (she hates confrontation).

She is an open book and has nothing to hide, he is more than welcome to come for anything that he's entitled to as long as its fair. That includes her pension/savings.

He has been pretty smart in downplaying his assets as we only know he has land and properties elsewhere because it slipped out once he was drunk - my mums hasn't seen or benefited from all his extra investments/inheritance.

Other than an extra % on their family home, she doesn't actually want anything of his.

I don’t think anyone has, have they? Pensions are a normal component of marital assets.

Why wouldn’t she want it to go to court then? Presumably it will be clear your mother has contributed more?

OP this happened or something similar, with my DC grandmother on their Fathers side. Happy widow for decades. Worked hard, bought a house, got it all paid off. Met new man. After 8 years the marriage was over.

He wanted half if everything but then agreed to 120k. Mediation bought it down to 85k ex MIL had to remortgage and rent out her house to students. Gone was her quiet peaceful living.

He retired and left the country. She was distraught and has never recovered.

I really don't know what a woman can do to avoid this scenario upon remarriage, besides not getting married.

Well she should get some legal representation and have an investigation into his financial situation started asap before he can hide assets better. Tbh she should have done that before 'divorce' came up. She's on the back foot now.

And it also would be worth knowing approximate worth of the house and potential assets. If it is a low amount then taking it to court and investigating etc probably isn't worth it as would be more expensive than it's worth. Worth fighting for if it is a lot.

You can pay to have his finances investigated and then ask in court that he pays those fees as he has been dishonest. You can be very difficult if he has everything to lose and your mother nothing. Make this clear to him.

Courts do NOT like people who hide assets, so unless he starts playing ball he will lose any goodwill in the legal system. It is in her interests to play hard with this.