Parents divorcing at 60! Fighting a losing battle?

[A9SheryRan]

My mum and step-dad are divorcing at 60. They've been married for 23 years and had their ups and downs due to my step-dads drinking which has got progressively worse over the years (reason for my mum filing for divorce). Both were previously divorced and my mum had a house on her name before she got married to which my step-dad moved into (he had nothing other than £5,000 in cash). She remortgaged her house to buy our new family home. Any money that came from her house was put into the new home, my mum paid for all home renovations/ expenses/bills and shopping minus the mortgage. When she sold her home she put that money into the family home, our education, our weddings and holidays.

My mum wants nothing from my step-dad other than a 60/40 split after they sell the house to which my dad isn't agreeing. My mum thinks she deserves more out of the house as she put money from her home into their joint home, other than mortgage and a few holidays he has contributed nothing over the last 23 years - they both have worked all their lives. He has a really good pension pot, land and a few properties in his native country, his mum has just passed away too and we know she is leaving him an inheritance all of which my mum has not benefited from. My mum has an ok pension, some savings and some gold.

My dad is now refusing to sign the divorce papers unless my mum signs papers stating she is happy with a 55/45 split (in her favour) but also confirming she wont take him to court or fight for anything else. My mum doesn't want to go to court at all but she does feel like she is being used and hard done by and the change in my dads behaviour (panic but with a little arrogance) is making her question everything. I am biased because she's my mum but she is a moral person, in her first divorce with 2 kids, she paid my paternal dad out, fought for full custody and refused child support. She doesn't want anything of his other than her share of the house.

She's considering financial mediation upon the suggestion from her solicitor (to which we think he won't go a long with) but we're not sure what to do. He is convinced that if she takes him to court its 50/50. Anyone else been through a similar experience? What are the chances of this going in her favour? Is she going to fight a losing battle?

She needs to go after everything and negotiate down. Offering 40% of the house was a mistake. She needs to start high. Pensions, land, property. He needs to feel like he got away with giving her less then she was entitled to otherwise he’ll keep fighting. He’s not going to settle at the first offer.
She needs to leverage his other assets to get what she wants.

Just because she doesn't want anything else of his, doesn't mean she should say so. And she ought to use his other assets as a bargaining chip to get what she wants of the house.

Yes I would suggest she tell him she’s had a rethink and they should both disclose their full assets and go from there. If he doesn’t want to disclose then I’m sure her lawyer knows a forensic accountant who can get all the necessary information

she is selling herself short here

Exactly this.

She will have to confront this problem. Via her lawyer if necessary. Or be shafted by him.

Your mum needs to tell him if he doesn't agree she will go the legal route and go for a 50/60 split on EVERYTHING. He will soon buckle

He thinks my mum won't take this further (she hates confrontation).

Bluntly, She needs to decide what she wants more...

• a fair settlement
• to avoid confrontation

Because your step dad has no intention of agreeing it fairly and equitably without legal involvement / intervention.

What if there are assets that aren't on his sole name but are shared with his siblings?

We really don't know what his family set up is with his land/properties and inheritance but qe know if exists.

unfortunately my mum was very trusting and moral so never questioned anything of his.

It is very simple! When you buy the property you buy it as tenants in common and you each have a %. When house is sold you each get the same %. Too many women and men do not protect their financial interests. There is no need to ever be in a situation like this.

She is going to be on her own. She needs to ensure her future. Too many women say they just want it over or don't want the hassle - they need to get firm. Head needs to rule here!

They both have to fill in Form E, which you can download from gov.uk website. You list everything on it, with evidence and dates. Failure (or deceiving) to do so is contempt of court which carries a prison sentence.

He will need to download the deeds and show dates of any transfers to prove to the judge he's not hiding assets.

The gov.uk website has lots of useful information, tell her to get reading.

If he's not going to play nice and agree to what she wants then she's got to fight for it, simple as that.

She needs a good solicitor to explain to her what she is entitled to. She may be happy to accept less to avoid a fight, but she shouldn't allow herself to be walked over.

She can keep the assets she came into the marriage with but anything they accrued after the marriage whether he paid or not is generally 50/50. This is why I didn't marry again so my DS wouldn't have his inheritance stolen by some bloke.

What the fuck?
she ought to have a solicitor write back saying ok, everything 50:50 including his inheritance and his land/property.

The idea is that in order to keep his other stuff he will give more of the house

She really needs a good solicitor. He wants half of what she has but to protect his own money. That's not how it works.

Your mum needs to be cold and clear on this.

She needs a good lawyer.

First of all the lawyer needs to make a list of all assets your mum and step-dad have, including property and pensions.

The lawyer should write your step-dad saying withholding details of any property or assets will not be looked on kindly by any judge.

The judge will want to see what’s in the total pot.

Tell your mum to stop looking at the house value and look at his pension and properties!!!

His inheritance from his mum's estate would be included in the pot I think? plus his pension and land?

His “portion” is a shared marital asset
ie
He owns a house 50/50 with his brother… and 25% of another with his 3 kids

what that means in reality is
he really owns 25% your mum has a claim on 25% and his DB owns 50%
on the second property the kids own 75% and he and your mum own 12.5% each.

depending on when his mother died your DM might potentially have a claim on that.

this is dependent on your mother going at this sensibly and not from a “be nice” place